Ex Pleaded Guilty To Assaulting Me

[Broken3]

In October just gone my ex of 3 years and I had an argument because he just blames me for everything, I said I hated him. He decided to pick me up from the floor and pin me down on the couch and repeatedly beat me in my left eye, my face was disfigured because it was swollen that much.
He then left saying he was going to kill himself, made me feel responsible and making him look out to be the victim.

I got took to the police station to make a statement about my ex, the abuse has went on for ages, I opened up to some things but not others I somehow found the need to defend him financially abusing me. I have proof with my bank statements they go back way over a year.

The thing I want to get help with is, he got told my statement and knows I never told the police everything, he is probably going to twist this round on me like he normally does. He's at court on Tuesday, he pleaded guilty. But I can't stop beating myself up over it I don't know what he's said about me and don't have a chance to defend his malicious accusations.

Can I go to court and defend myself? Who do I contact. I really don't know who to contact or what to do I never want to see him again but if I have to to stand up for myself of this 3 years of abuse I will. Any advice? Thanks

[sandyRoe]

It's him on trial, not you. You have no need to defend yourself in court.

[ummmm]

It doesn't matter what he's said about you. You're not allowed to beat people up regardless.

He's pleaded guilty so will be sentenced which means you won't get your say in court.

Try and draw a line under it and move on. Police, barristers, judges, have all encountered his type before and listened to their bullsh!t.

[2sp_]

You are already standing up for yourself by going to the police in the first place.

Try not to care what he says now, I'm sure that anyone with any sense will recognise poop when they hear it.

[New Judge]

At court after he has pleaded guilty the facts of the incident will be provided to the court. There will be no need for background information to be provided and references to earlier incidents or behaviour will not be necessary. You will not have the opportunity to address the court but you can (and should) provide a "Victim Impact Statement" which should describe how the incident has affected you.

Unless it is the form of mitigation your ex will not be allowed to manipulate the facts. All that the court will be concerned with are details of the actual incident itself. You have no reason to defend yourself as there will be no accusations levelled against you.

[Broken3]

How do I do a victim impact statement as I haven't been asked to do one and court is in 2 days thanks

[EDDIE51]

The first step , which you MUST do tomorrow, is to contact the clerk to the court and tell them you wish to make a Victim impact statement.
They will tell you what you need to do. It is a bit late but if you explain that you did not know what to do until now they should let you make the statement. You need to insist that there is a condition in his sentence that he can not contact you again.
What actual offence / offences was he charged with? I am assuming he has pleaded guilty at a previous hearing and Tuesday is just the sentencing hearing?

[Broken3]

He got charged with common assault I think. I've had a harassment order out on him in August last year when he assaulted me the first time. But he could still contact me about our daughter that's how he managed to emotionally convince me to coming back to him. I don't know what will happen Tuesday, nothing much I don't think? But I will ring them tomorrow and ask if I can do one of them statements

[Broken3]

And yes he pleaded guilty on the 5th last month and I presume his sentence will be Tuesday.

[EDDIE51]

Common assault is the lowest category of the offence , so there is no chance he will go to jail. You need to get a specific contact order set up to set out exactly how he can have 'access' his child.
Explain that he has abused the present arrangement by using it as a excuse to influence you.
In a case like this he should only be granted 'supervised access' to his daughter, the visits will be at a children's centre where he will be supervised by the staff. My own daughter had to make such an arrangement for my granddaughter to have visits from her father. She had to take her daughter to the children centre and leave her with the staff 15 min's before the father arrived. He was then allowed to see her for 2 hours under supervision . After the visit time he had to hand her back to the staff 15 min's before her mum picked her up.
Only when he had proved he was trusted enough was he allowed unsupervised access. Your Ex's suicide threat is relevant here , make sure you mention it to the court.

[Broken3]

Thanks, I don't really understand the law. Sorry to repeat I don't know if he will get sentenced Tuesday or not, He pleaded guilty the 5th of nov and the case was adjourned as they want a pre sentence report, he is a drug user I wouldn't like him to go to prison I don't wish revenge on him just hope he gets the help he so desperately needs and can be a good father to our daughter. He has a criminal record but police didn't let on as to what it is for. Thanks again for your advice.

[EDDIE51]

Your Victims Impact statement should ideally have been part of the pre sentence report. So it is vital that you tell the court what he has done to you and how he has abused the contact with your daughter. Make sure you get in touch with the court tomorrow and tell them you wish to make the statement.

[ummmm]

I can't believe that repeatedly punching someone in the face is only common assault!

[EDDIE51]

ummmm, I was about to say the same , but Broken3 has already said she didn't 'open up' about everything he did to her.
It was a pity she could not find the courage to tell the police everything, as if she had this unsavoury character would be facing a jail term.
We can at least hope that the Victim Impact Statement goes some way to setting the record straight.

[ummmm]

The police don't always make it easy, Eddie.

[Broken3]

My mam was present when I was giving my statement, I felt ashamed to tell the police exactly what was going on, my mam is on blood pressure tablets and didn't want er becoming ill. Besides i was told of my ex that social services would say it was me neglecting my daughter and take her from me I have suffered many miscarriages and she is our miracle. I don't really like being judged it is hard to actually talk about being abused especially all in the same day. I opened up to the social worker who came to see me and she fully understood, they go through the same things everyday. He stopped me seeing friends, I couldn't go out, I even had to answer calls to this man when I was at work so e could listen into the background! It's humiliating and i feel shame for allowing it to happen for so long but he's so manipulative and convincing he makes me look out to be controlling when I'm not. He can go out and do what he wants. I'm sure they deal with things like this everyday. Thanks for the advice Eddie awaiting a phone from victim support.

[Broken3]

Update. He got 12 week suspended sentence for 2years, 2 years probation, £45 court costs £100 compensation, 26 day better relationship programme and a restraining order for life.

[2sp_]

On the upside, at least you now have a lifelong restraining order against him.

The rest of the sentence just isn't enough, in my opinion.

Try to put this behind you. I know it's not easy, but don't let him ruin your life.

xx

[murraymints]

Are you happy with that ? Will he obey the restraining order ? Do NOT allow him to cajole you via daughter into coming back....leopards do my change their spots ! Good luck broken....onwards and upwards ! Xx

[murraymints]

Not......predictive thingy thinks my ?

[Broken3]

I never expected the outcome because I never told them everything, I feel relieved and he cannot contact me about our daughter nor can any of his family or friends, he can only contact me through a solicitor, my wish has been granted. I can't get my youth back however, I feel justice has been served and at least I don't feel responsible for sending him to prison. If he does decide to do anything it's on his own back :)