Daughter Struggling At Uni

[HongKongphooey]

My Daughter is in her second year of a Sociology Degree at a Uni in the Midlands. Last year she was doing fine, but this term she has struggled and is convinced she is on course for a fail. She has asked her tutors over and over again for help and they just keep saying they can't help her as each essay she submits goes towards her final mark. Even though she wants help just with the structure of essay writing (she thinks shes getting it wrong) they still refuse to help her. She is constantly in tears, and keeps getting headaches, which her doctor says are stress related. I can't afford to get her a tutor. My friend contacted a Sociology lecturer at another Uni who she knows and he said again that he is not allowed to help her (unwritten rules about help from other Uni tutors) Her marks on her essays have been getting lower, but apart from a few lines of feedback, none of the tutors seem to want to know when she asks for help. I know she is working hard, she's never been into going out to parties much. None of the other kids on her course are struggling and don't want to help her. I am really worried about her. Can anyone give any advice?

[anneasquith]

why don't you want to help her ?

[woofgang]

who is in charge of her pastoral care at the uni? is there a student counselling service?

[sherrardk]

It's not HKF that doesn't want to help their daughter, it's the other students.

[jomifl]

Anne, it is theoither students that don't want to help her ..I think.

[anneasquith]

sorry,why I wonder would her fellow students not want to help her, ?

[sherrardk]

Maybe they don't know how to, or don't feel suitably knowledgeable to do so or don't know HKF's daughter well enough. The list is endless (and it's not really their place to do so).

[woofgang]

i can't see any comment by the op about other students not helping? she sats the tutors wont help

[DTCwordfan]

There should be a student counselling service.

There should be a 'route' through the Dean's office to complain - she should be having some guidance and coaching through tutorials - that's part of education.

She should seek out a 1st class student and ask.....and ask her friends.

Are you of Chinese origin?

[bookbinder]

If all that your daughter needs is help with how to structure an essay, these websites might give her some guidance:
http://blog.eliteediting.com.au/essay-writing/how-to-write-an-essay-plan-an-example/
http://www.reading.ac.uk/internal/studyadvice/studyresources/essays/sta-planningessay.aspx
http://ergo.slv.vic.gov.au/learn-skills/essay-writing-skills/plan-your-essay/write-essay-plan

[hc4361]

There is plenty of very good advice online about writing an essay at this level, such as this:
http://www2.le.ac.uk/offices/ld/resources/writing/writing-resources/writing-essays

I am appalled at the unhelpful attitude of her tutors. She should insist on proper feedback of her marked essays and stress she needs advice on the structure rather than content. Maybe she could seek help from one of the seminar/tutorial staff.

[HongKongphooey]

I do want to help, but I never went to Uni, and certainly don't know anything about essay writing or Sociology. I've tried my best looking stuff up on the internet....and no I'm not of Chinese Origin..lol

[DTCwordfan]

The reason for me asking is that the HK system of education and schooling is very stifling. I sat as an external to the Swire scholarships (very high value) to Oxbridge selection panel and we started with 25 highly qualified HK-Chinese students - all straight As/A+s at A level - we struggled to find one who could really think and a pretty advanced thinker (and then into leadership) is what these scholars should have. Oxford and Cambridge expect it too.

So, my initial concern, and hence the question, was whether she can think things through - if she can, then hc's and bookbinder's advice is spot on. Like hc, I too agree that the Uni is letting her down in not providing her with the fundamentals of an education, in this case process........

[jim360]

I'm amazed and astounded that there are no fellow students who are willing to offer help. I'm also puzzled by the apparent lack of support at University. It seems as if what she really wants is extensive feedback on what she's written, rather than on what she is going to write. As far as I am able I'd offer help free of charge although I don't have an extensive essay-writing background so you might (well, would) be better off with someone else. But if it did help I'd happily read over an essay already submitted and try to offer comments on it and advice for the future.

In the meantime the most important thing is to seek the University's pastoral support system. It must have one, and hopefully they'll be able to help her deal with the stress in the short-term. It may simply be stress affecting the essay-writing skills rather than not having them.

[HongKongphooey]

thanks hc and bookbinder. I've given her the links.

[HongKongphooey]

Jim360, your advice is very helpful. I get the impression (reading between the lines) that she is too scared to ask any of the other students for help because none of them ever appear to need help and she's afraid of being branded 'thick'. Also she has spoken to her pastoral care tutor, but the woman takes several days to reply to any emails, and when she had a meeting, I gather that this woman didn't take her worries seriously. I've offered to speak to the pastoral tutor, but my daughter is against me doing this, again I think she is afaid of being thought of as stupid. The offer to read her some of her essays would be a great help, do you need my email?

[CokeTulip]

Hongk.. I agree with jim360.

It might be just a challenging patch -if she likes what she is doing I do feel it is very important that she doesn't lose her confidence so abit of help and reassurance. If she is passing her essays but marks are low that is one thing but if she wants a good degree she is right to ask for help now.

She will have details somewhere aswell telling her what to expect of tutors.

Sometimes students from the year above are a good source of info. Like others have mentioned - she should expect decent feedback so she knows what to do to improve.

[jim360]

Just a warning that you may end up getting what you pay for. Talk to your daughter first, and if she'd be happy for this offer of help I can have a look at it -- though you should remove her name/ personal info etc before you send anything on. get back to me, anyway, and if you and she are happy then I'll give you a contact email later.

[sherrardk]

Is it at all feasible that she wants to leave uni but doesn't want to say and upset people? Could she be looking for a viable reason to leave?

[HongKongphooey]

sherrardk, in answer to your question, no I don't think she wants to leave. She told my brother, her uncle she knows she would have a hell of a problem getting a job, with no skills as such, even friends that have graduated are unemployed for long periods. So no, I do think she panics, gets more and more down, and lacks confidence, a little guidance from someone, would be a good thing, as she doesn't seem to be getting it at the Uni. Yes Jim I will speak to her and get back to you on this thread tomorrow.

[wolf63]

Taking it from another angle - could she be clinically depressed and this has caused all the problems to morph out of proportion. It may be that her doctor might be able to help.

Many people think that antidepressants are a drug made by the devil himself. They don't make a person's life better or make your daughter 'smarter' but will give her a chance to get her brain back into gear. Never underestimate the power of the mind and its ability to totally screw up your life - I have first hand knowledge of this.

Good luck you your daughter - it must be hard to see her struggle. She at least has a supportive family. :-)