Pop Stars Problems

[Dear-Doris]

As the premier online Agony Aunt, I do get quite a few problems sent in by members of the 'popular music' scene. I have anonymised a few recent ones :

Steven M. of Whalley Range writes : “ Dear Doris
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now “

Doris says : “Shape up Smithy – it could be worse – your girlfriend could be in a coma – now that would be serious”


Mr B Vox of Dublin emails : “Dear Doris, every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa”

Doris says “Just stop clapping your hands then, Bonio”


Micky from Dartford says “I can't get no satisfaction – but I've tried and I've tried?”

Doris says “Have you tried Painting it Black, dear?”


Fat Reg from Pinner has been in touch asking “Dear Doris is it true that Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word?”

Doris says “No – that would be antidisestablishmentarianism”


Macca asks “Dear Doris – can I sing Hey Jude at your funeral?”

Doris says “Over my dead body you will”


Bobby D enquires “How many roads must a man walk down?”

Doris replies “Not too many, just take a left at Positively 4th Street and then you just need one more cup of coffee for the road”

Finally ...

Mr D Dekker – if your ears are alight then you need some of Lady Mondegreen's ointment


Doris xx

[email protected]

[ "A problem shared is ... a problem two people have" ]

[Tilly2]

Wonderful advice to them all, DDD

[Tilly2]

^ too many d's. Any advice for me?

[tonyav]

Dear Doris, is it true that there is life on mars.

Yours D Bowie.

[Sipowicz]

Detox?

[Dear-Doris]

Dear Tllly

I had you down as a DD sort of girl - DDD is just greedy

Doris xx

[Tilly2]

Mr G S..........Get a smaller bed if the one you have is too big.

[Dear-Doris]

Dear DB

It's a god-awful small affair - just ask the girl with the mousey hair

Doris xx

[Tilly2]

Hang on, I haven't got the hang of this!

[Tilly2]

Sip, I havent had a sip all year.

[tonyav]

Dear Doris, I would but the lawman keeps beating on the wrong guy ( me ).

DB.

[melv16]

Dear Doris,
I'm a 13yr old girl from Norfolk and still a virgin. Is my brother gay?

[Tilly2]

Dear Doris, Why does the sun go on shining?
Skeeter.

[Dear-Doris]

Dear Skeeter

It's the end of the world as we know it

ReM

[Tilly2]

Who are you, melv?

[Dear-Doris]

Dear Molevine

NfN dear, NfN

Doris xx

[Tilly2]

DD, Did they put a man on the Moon?
Michael.

[melv16]

If I told you I would have to shoot you tilly2. :)

[Dear-Doris]

Dear Michael

You and I both know theye were just playing in a sand-pit. Now go and look for your religion like a good boy.

Doriss xx

[tonyav]

Dear Doris, I'm sure my house is haunted, is there anyway of knowing for sure.

Yours
R Dean Taylor

[gness]

Dear Doris:

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone.
But Judy left at the same time............???????/

Love Amy W...........x