The future is?

[irisred]

As a single girl (26) having a fatastic time I long to know why people feel the need to put deadlines on marriage, kids, settling etc?  Saying they want to be married by 30, must have kids by 32 and so on.

Do people not believe in fate and destiny?  I truly believe that the right man for me is out there and one day our lives will collide in spectacular fashion but if I'm meant to wait until I'm 40 for this to happen then so be it.  I'd like to think that I won't marry the next man that wants to marry me just because I have no other options and my clock is ticking.

Are people really that unhappy being on their own, do they believe themselves worthless if they are not with someone?

My dearest ABers, please discuss...

[Lisax]

i completely agree with you.... live each day as it happens x

[puttycake]

I got married too young - regretted it.

I think it's a 'security' thing - and the pressure people put on you to 'settle down' and all that. I have learned my lesson - I won't get married again, and I am able to live on my own (with the children) if I need to, but I needed a separation and a divorce to learn that lesson.

[David H]

Worthless? Where on earth do you get that from. It's simply deadly boring on your own (the negative aspect) and a lot better with someone else (the positive aspect). Is that simple concept so hard for anyone to understand?

Obviously, you don't settle down with someone 'because it's the right time' (following the negative reason) but because you want to be with them.

[HAnn521]

iris; I am completely inspired by you...and as you can see from my post just below yours here, I have been hearing so much about young girl-friends of mine getting married already...we're only around 22!

I really hope that I can be patient and have the independence that you have to wait for the absolute right man and time to be ready for marriage. I know I don't want it anytime soon, but I also deal with people & and pressure.

I have been with my boyfriend (who also doesn't want marriage anytime soon at all) now for just over a year and I already get asked "when are you two gonna get married?"...it's so frustrating!!

and the worst thing is, sometimes it actually makes me feel like there's something wrong if were aren't thinking about marriage and it makes me ask myself, "why won't he consider proposing to me?"....it's horrible!

[georgit79]

I'm single and I'm certainly not worthless! However, if I get well into my 30s and still don't look to have found that certain someone, I'm sure I will start to worry, but not because I'm still on my own, purely because I will want to have kids by then, and I kind of need sperm to do that!

[dribfunk]

I have been in a few long-term relationships and don't seem to be able to remain 'single' for long in between these, be it I end up in another long-term or a short-term relationship

When I'm with someone it's beautiful, it's magical, it's all the things I'm looking for. 

Yet when these finish, I feel a freedom that I forgot existed. 

Being able to draw the fine line that runs parallel between these feelings is a difficult thing to do which I believe is why I used to be what the youngsters call a 'player'.

As I approach later life, I find myself surrounded by friends - most of whom are in relationships - yet, at the moment, I don't seem too bothered if I spend a Friday night on my own, indoors.  I know that come Saturday I can jump on my motorbike and zoom across the country to do as I please.

Don't get me wrong, I miss the initmacy and companionship but as with many things, there are pros and cons.

To conclude, everyone is different and that's what makes relationships so exciting and also makes singledom so adventurous.

[Le Chat]

A lot of people are unhappy on their own, especially if friends etc are all pairing off and they are spending time feeling lonely. It is a natural aspect of humanity though to pair off, so don't be too hard on everyone else!! I have been married twice - the first time at 31 and the second at 39, so you can see that although I was in no rush, the failure of my first marriage didn't put me off! I love being with my husband, as he is my best buddy but I still go out with my friends as well.

I don't do well on my own as I need someone to care for me in an emotional and physical way .. and I'm not ashamed to admit it! If that means I have low self esteem then yes but I don't think that's true in my case!! On saying that I couldn't set myself a low standard in men, as my husband is the ultimate for me.