Getting custody of children

[Doc1011]

My ex wife and I divorced a year ago, and the agreement was that she would have custody of our 2 children (now 6 and 7), and they would stay with me at weekends.

She still lives in the same 2 bed bungalow in a remote village with her boyfriend. She cannot drive and if there is a meeting at the school, a problem or an emergency, she has no way of getting anywhere without my help (boyfriend works away).

I have since remarried, and will shortly be moving into a 3 bedroom house where we will have enough room for them to have their own room, which I think is important at their age.

Also, she is on benefits (even though boyfriend lives with her illegally). One of the children is apparently an ADHD sufferer, but he behaves perfectly ok with us, so we think there is a discipline problem at her house. The children have both told us that they would like to stay with us, and I firmly believe that selfish reasons aside, they would be much better off staying with us and visiting their Mum at weekends. We both work, and there are excellent schools near us, with very good after school clubs/child minding nurseries nearby. Between us, we earn around �40k per year and we believe that we can offer the children more of a chance at life, given that we live in town and both drive too.

I did hear that at age 7, the children can decide who they want to stay with but how whether that is true or not I don't know. Also, how much weight that carries with the courts is something I am not sure of.

Do I have a case? What would be our first step? I shouldn't imagine my ex wife giving in without a fight...

Any suggestions would be very welcome!

[maggie01]

I don't know what your situation was as to why you divorced but it seems a bit hard on your ex to say your ex is on benefits, can't drive lives in a 2 bedroom bedroom bungalow where you yourself have a larger house more money. so in your opinion can give your children a better life.  Maybe that is so but money and possesions aren't everything. Your best bet I would think would be to see a solicitor but I would think any mum would put up a good fight for her children. Love is better than all the money in the world.

[susi-q]

Remember first and foremost that these aren't just your children, they are people who will be affected for the rest of their lives by how you behave now. A bitter custody fight between parents cannot help but affect them now and in the future.
I think that unless the children are living in some kind of squalor or your ex-wife is not looking after them properly they are better off left in the stable environment they know and are familiar with. If mum is on benefits she is at least home all day too which is good for the kids.
I know that must sound hard but in a very few years time they will be young teenagers and much more in a position to make their own decision on who they live with. At seven they are, I feel a bit too young to have the burden of such a decision.
My advice for what its worth would be to sit tight, offer them a secure and friendly second home when they come at weekends etc. Make sure you keep the lines of communication open with your ex-wife and maybe try and have more access to them so that they can spend plenty of quality time with you and your new wife. That way they will only have happy memories of these (very short) childhood years.
You will be rewarded with happy, well adjusted and secure children who may well decide that they would like to live with their dad at some point, maybe when they go to college as travelling may be easier from your home.