What Do You Think

[queenofmean]

My gran passed away as you know on Wednesday. We have a provisional date for the funeral. We have a day so that it doesn't interfere with work and it suits the funeral directors as they are VERY busy at the moment.

It's just not suiting my auntie as she goes on holiday the day before. She's asked 3 times in the last 24 hours have we considered moving it? One of my cousins is flying up to see his mum and would be able to attend.

My dad and I agree that we cannot please everyone but why should we try to please her and put everyone else out?

Are we being selfish or is she?

I don't want to fall out over this but if dad doesn't work he doesn't get paid and I can't get time off as my boss will be away and there is just me and my colleague and we have already agreed a swap if this is the date that it will be.

I'm so frustrated by it all just now.

[mikey4444]

Queenie...if the date decided is OK for everybody else, than it doesn't seem right to alter it, just for one person.

[yogi-bear]

In my opinion, QOM, you should just go ahead with the date you've got, as you say Funeral Directors are busy and, to be honest, might not be able to offer you another close date.....as you say, you can't please everyone all the time and hopefully your Auntie and Cousin will understand.....the last thing you need now is aggravation and hassle just to please two relatives, and I will have no hesitation in keeping the date the Funeral Directors have kindly appointed for you and your Dad.

Hope all goes well for you, my lovely and I, again, pass on my condolences to you and all your family x

[Cloverjo]

I think you'll just have to tell her that that is the only date available, and say you're sorry she won't be able to attend.

[queenofmean]

Thank you Mikey...that's what I thought.

[Mamyalynne]

You'll simply have to explain to Auntie that this is the very best arrangement you could make and perhaps she could simply have a quiet hour on that day remembering the happier times.

[woofgang]

Queenie....been there.....stick to your date and your guns. I think your aunt is being thoughtless but death and funerals do have a strange effect on some people. In your position I would be being as polite and apologetic as you can and saying that you are really sorry but its not possible to change the date....and just keep saying that. If she asks why say you are sorry its not possible to change the date. If she asks if you have tried then say you are sorry but its impossible to change the date. Don’t be drawn into reasons, conversation or anything else...if she is on the phone, you can vary it by saying you are really sorry but you have to go now...again don't explain why just say an affectionate goodbye and put the phone down. and have a ((hug))

[yogi-bear]

Sorry my mistake...thought you put that cousin CANT attend.....she can, which is nice.

[mikey4444]

Queenie....how terribly inconvenient of your Gran to pass away at the wrong time.

[queenofmean]

Thank you Yogi and Cloverjo.

That's what I said to dad before saying shall I hop in my time machine go back say to gran can you put off passing away for a bit longer so your DIL can attend. I mean what would have happened if she was on holiday when she died...would she come home probably not.

I don't need the hassle at all I've got enough on my plate to deal with right now not withstanding the fact we are still trying to get hold of my uncle to tell him that his mother has died.

[Psybbo]

Queenie, my condolences to you and yours on your sad loss. I hop auntie see sense hugs

[mikey4444]

Its a tough time for Queenie.....isn't there any other family member that can share his burden with you ?

[queenofmean]

Mamya and Woofgang - thank you. I will certainly try that.

Also that you for the hug and best wishes.

Mikey I know its shocking - I was so cross last night I actually said to dad ' shall I hop in my time machine, go back ask gran to put off passing away so that it doesn't inconvenience your DIL' he thankfully laughed.

But I do sharing it with dad and my second cousin and my cousins (aunties sons)

[nannybooby]

Sorry for your loss QOM cant your aunt explain to the holiday company and change her dates ,usually they are most helpful over a famil death. Ortherwise you seem to have done a great job getting a time to suit most people.

[ummmm]

When my nan died in Jan her funeral was put on hold to accommodate my uncles holiday. At the time it really upset me but in hindsight he needed that holiday xx

[anneasquith]

Who is arranging the funeral.What relationship is the aunt to gran ?

[queenofmean]

Thank you nannybooby. Everyone else is fine with it except her. I've suggested that but got shot downS

She has several holidays a year ummmm...if anyone needs a holiday it's dad and myself. I had to wait just over 2 weeks for mums funeral and to be honest I don't want to have to wait that long again, it was hard enough then, but that was owing to it being more complex this is more straight forward xx

[queenofmean]

In theory Anne I am arranging it with the help of my dad on behalf of mum shall we say. Auntie was married to grans son they are separated now.

[marval]

I agree with everyone else, keep the date as it is. It is a sad enough occasion without any more hassle.

It is better to suit the majority, than to change it just for one person. If you change it to suit your auntie, it might not suit someone else.

Don't lose sleep over it queenie, you are doing very well at a difficult time.

[ummmm]

how big is your family?

[queenofmean]

Other than cousins etc its fairly small, ummm. There is cousins whonare away at the moment but I beleibe the will be home by the of the funeral.

The immediate family would be my uncle myself and two cousins, my grans niece and her son. There is then cousins etc.