Question Author
Thank you so much for all your answers, I really appreciate it!
Yes, my daughter seems to be happy. I still think that her boyfriend should be working 2 jobs to save some money and help her clear the credit card debt. It's mainly down to him that they have no savings, there's been no holidays,etc. and they are still living in a small bedroom. She should be the one taking it easy. When we see him, he's always boasting about how much he had to drink when he was out with his mates and how much he's won betting on the football/horses, etc.
We've let her know that she'll always have a home with us if she ever needs it. She's never liked living by herself though. Both sets of grandparents and her cousins have said that they're not keen on her boyfriend, he seemed a bit strange, and my parents have said that they would have helped her with a deposit towards buying a house, but they won't do so while he's on the scene. She doesn't know this, I didn't want to cause any more ill feeling.
There's just the thorny question of Xmas and how do I handle it? My husband says that because they're a couple, I should make him welcome regardless. My feelings are, rightly or wrongly that I shouldn't have to have anybody staying in my home that I have no respect for and dislike, even if it means our daughter stays away. I don't think she will, because she's already told me that although her boyfriends mum and dad are nice, she doesn't like visiting them at their home because the boyfriends mum smokes all the time and she hated having to breathe in the smoke.
I don't want to have to make her choose, but why the hell should we feed him? Rightly or wrongly, I don't want him visiting any longer.
I do cherish my daughter, but I've never had a problem with any of her other friends and her previous long term boyfriend. He had his faults but I had no problem with him. She's always been a bit soft and has been taken advantage of and used in the past by previous so called friends, but I hope she's more savvy now.
I know it's her life and not ours but we don't want to give her boyfriend the idea that we are encouraging him.
I will try and step away and mind my own business then, however hard that might be.