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Thanks Gumboot.
The small development of 41 houses is in North Yorkshire. It was previously a small field. It is off a well established road with a slightly different postcode. When I do a postcode search, Royal Mail recognises it for our house number, but when for instance doing a search for Insurance etc, the postcode only shows house numbers 1 - 8.
I'm going to ring BT on a number given in a forum relating to FTTP issues/postcode not recognised and ask if they can add our address to the "system". From people posting on that forum though, it seems BT wholesale tell customers yes they can go ahead, but BT Retail who the man in the street deals with still say no. Like 4Candles said, it's the problem of "the computer says no". In short there is no "human" way to overrule the system until "somebody" loads the data, or as is suggested, OS mapping is updated, we appear to be living in a field. Thanks to everyone for suggestions etc.
I will contact the developers site office when it reopens, to ask more about this - they must have already had this issue with people already moved in. I have a feeling though they do not return until next Monday.