Feeling Your Childrens Pain

[nailit]

Contrary to popular opinion, I don't post my entire life on here. (far from it)
We all have issues and sometimes it helps to share (some of) those issues and receive advice/support from others that have had the same....Anyway!...

Currently got my son living back home. He's very obviously suffering from depression. He's slept the entire day, and still sleeping. Hes had nothing to eat since last night. He's a smoker but doesn't even want a cig (offered to buy him a pack). He has an appointment with the mental health service......in 6 months time!
Been in this situation with depression myself, just don't know what to do.
Ive had previous comments about my son calling him 'a big baby'. Some people are lucky enough in not having to deal with such issues in their own kids.

[Mamyalynne]

Watching your children suffer really does tear you apart and the helplessness is a heavy burden.

Wish you both well. x

[ummmm]

Can't really comment about mental health as luckily it's never happened to us.

The make ups and break ups were hard enough though.

[Patsy33]

Sorry to hear this, Nailit. I can imagine how you feel. There's probably not a lot you can say or do for the time being. Just being there for him will at least make him feel comforted. Best wishes.

[calmck]

Can he see a GP as an emergency and get an earlier referral or some medication to tide him over

[237SJ]

Has he been to see his GP?

[Cloverjo]

Yes, nailit. I know how you feel. I don’t know what to say or suggest to help.
My son was the same at one point. He managed to turn it around and is now doing fine. I hope yours does as well.

[Rosie29]

I'm so so sorry Nailit - I have been in this situation myself.
Is there no way your GP can expedite things ?

[yogi-bear]

You're a good father, nailit...don't ever forget that....you are always there for your son, because he is YOUR son.

I can't comment on mental health issues within my close family, because it has never occurred. But one of Mrs B's brother's fell off a roof of a building whilst working, and almost died, if it wasn't for the Doctors and Nurses at the hospital..he was there for months..he is now on multiple drugs, he's epileptic, and prone to swing moods if provoked, but generally the medication keeps him grounded. I have seen him when he gets angry and he starts bashing his head...and fists into any wall...but never ever violent on people....it's not nice.

I do honestly feel that you're doing everything you can to help him get over this, hopefully, temporary feeling of depression. I hope he can get the help he needs. 6 months for an appointment is disgusting!...can you possibly see if it can be brought forward, as he needs help now not in 6 months time fgs!?
For his not eating presently, maybe try and suggest you make his favourite meal, or even go out for a burger, a walk, a visit somewhere he likes, ....spending some quality time with him.

There are always good folk on this site that offer sound, valued and helpful advice, which maybe you can act upon.

You're an inspiration to all us fathers who just want the best for their child.
Keep well and I send you all my best, as always, mate x

[retrocop]

My son allegedly,so he tells us,has depression. His partner has left him taking our beloved grand daughters with her. He goes to the doctor who feeds him with anti-depressants and drugs.He just dozes all day.My wife and I used our life savings to buy him a house and a 7 seater car.Transpires he is pulling the wool over peoples eyes as a result of a work grudge.My wife is inconsolable and our belief in assisting our son and grand daughters to a better life has disolved.
Son or no son he will be getting his lazy ass kicked out of my home and we will be looking for a luxury bungalow somewhere .All the grief and heartache he has caused my wife is unforgiveable.I believe he is better off dead. Given all the opportunities, a house,car,nursery fees paid,money paid into the two girls account which he stole.Not worth it.
I am unable to negotiate stairs in our house especially as we have,only, adownstairs kazi I will be happy to think of my comfort and facility for a change.At 35years he can stew in his own juice.His life. He wrecked it and others.

[TonyV]

retrocop I feel for you, but you should be able to get some of your mobility issues i.e. stair lift supplied by your local council.

[retrocop]

Thanks TonyV for your advice. However I have a house worth half a million in London and a house we bought for our son worth over 1/4 million in the sticks. A luxury bungalow is within our budget and I dont go to anybody if I can pay my own way. I worked hard and so did my wife.I wish my son still had the same ethic. :-(

[TonyV]

so did we to make ourselves mortgage free.

[retrocop]

Appropo to above
We are contributing a large sum to son's ex partner and daughters to house themselves in a fairly local maisonette. The two girls attend a fantastic village Cof E school which they love and we don't want their education disrupted.

[douglas9401]

I'm confused.

[TonyV]

retro does not matter what property is worth, its what your needs are.

[Patsy33]

That's very sad retro. We as parents can only take so much. So disappointing for you and your wife. So sorry...

[Tilly2]

I am sorry to read about your situation, Nails. I can't really offer any advice other than take each day as it comes and try to deal with it as it occurs. I do think that you should get him to a GP, though although I do understand that that is not as easy as it seems.
Can his girlfriend help at all, or is that relationship finished?

[tamborine]

sorry to read of your sons difficulty. Be as patient as you can till his demons are overcome or he gets hungry. Prepare steak pies (tin) good that gets him salivating & talking. Gently coax him to share your work (for him to recover his esteem). Play calm background music. He needs you obviously so be gentle but cunning.

[retrocop]

//I'm confused.//
Why am I surprised. I can't work out why it went pear shaped either.
My son can work out his own grief . I am more concerned about my wife's distress.

[retrocop]

//retro does not matter what property is worth, its what your needs are.//

I know what my property is worth and I know by selling them both and buy a luxury bungalow it will fulfill my needs.I can even cuddle up with my wife in bed at night.:-) Believe me she needs a lot of consoling.We still consider our grand daughters needs but the son can go and whistle. Persona non Grata.