Whitre dad, Black kid ??? Help !

[Personica]

My wife & I are hapily married. We are both white (and so are our ancestors), but our newborn child is coloured (very dark browned, almost black with 'afro' hair).

The experts at the hospital assure me the child is mine. I have no reason to disbelieve them, or my wife, but I have never come across this anomoly before.

Is there anyone out there who has genuinly come across this / had this, or should I dis-trust my wife.

I am not naive, but I do trust her, then again... How can this happen to us ???

[nfn]

erm.............. my brother was born almost black but it turned out to be bruising as he was 14lb! he had all the facial features of being black ie. wide nose and full lips.. This is so sensitive and I REALLY don't want to offend anyone but my newborn baby brother really was black for almost a week.

[lazy daisy]

Do you remember the case a couple of years ago where a mother gave birth to twins???? Yes you've guessed it one was white and the other was black. Apparently it was a throw back many many generations.

The only way to be 99.9% sure is to have a DNA test done. This you would of course have to pay for out of your own pocket though.

[lazy daisy]

Sorry I should have added that BOTH parents were white!!

[NiceCupOfTea]

This exact problem cause mayhem in my family a couple of genarations ago! Was due to a 'throwback'. Didn't have DNA testing then, so the family tree came in for some flack. The baby was the dad's (and the mum's!), and was black.

[spudqueen]

Yes, I've heard of this before. Apparently when there is a black ancestor of either of the parents (which may have been kept quiet by subsequent generations) babies have been born who have brown skin etc. I suppose it's no different than hair colour. I have friends who don't have red hair, nor any of their relatives, yet their daughter has bright red hair.

[Solarjunkie]

I remember a documentary about a girl in South Africa during apartheid when each person had to be classified. As the daughter of two white parents, she was automatically classified as white, but she was quite dusky and found life very difficult. Eventually she moved to one of the townships as she could not live among white people - she just wasn't white enough in that climate.

So yes, I have heard of it before.

Congratulations on the new addition to your family, who of course will be unique under any cicumstances, as all babies are!

[lady_p_gold]

I think I agree with the DNA testing suggestion although whether you tell your wife or not could be a tricky one as she will be hurt you don't trust her. However the fact that you have posted the question means that there will always be that nagging doubt in your mind and that might adversely affect the family or the dynamics within the family. I have often spoken on this Answerbank about honesty in a relationship and so I am not sure in this case whether it would be kinder not to tell your wife or to be honest and say that you are only human and that anyone would have a shadow of doubt crossing their minds.

[kick3m0n]

this is difficult. If I were your wife and I knew I'd been faithful, I would be totally gutted that you wanted a DNA test. I'm not sure I would ever feel the same way about you again. ONLY go ahead with this if you absolutely categorically cannot live without the certain knowlegde that a DNA test brings. Bear in mind also, that even if you find out the child is yours, the damage to your relationship could be fatal and your child may then grow up in a broken home.

[ursula62]

A lot of "white" babies are born with a shock of dark curly hair. This soon falls out and their true hair colour will start to grow later. Eye colour can change too.

Please don't let this affect your joy in your new born. You have a lovely healthy baby. Enjoy!

[rampart]

You might discuss the DNA test with your wife this way: dear, we both know the child is ours. Let's both agree to get DNA testing so that when other people challenge us or our child when she is older, we have the proof in our hands.

[Hermia]

My dad is half-Indian with brown skin and black hair. My mum is white with very dark hair. I am very, very white with reddish hair (courtesy of my great gran apparantly). All my other mixed-race cousins have brown skin and black hair. I look like the freak of the family, although I do look like my dad's family.

If the staff at the hospital don't seem to think there is anything strange and you have no reason to disbelieve your wife I think you shouldn't worry. Perhaps when the baby is a bit older you'll see a family resemblance.

[Le Chat]

The woman always knows it's hers!!

[funnywebsite]

Sounds unbelievable. You can check your family history and hers to see if there is any chance of any coloureds in the family. Doyou think she could of slept with anyone else? Did it came out that colour? Maybe as somebody else said it is bruising and the colour will go away. What does the hospital think about the colour? What is your wife's reaction? Does she luck a little guilt ridden?

[mata hari]

Hospitals have been known to make mistakes before, haven't they? Have the test to make sure the baby belongs to both of you before you start pointing fingers of doubt at each other.

[simont]

If you go for DNA testing, would it change how you feel about the baby, and about your wife? Tough question, but needs answering.

Our baby was prem and she was very dusky and had black hair, all her siblings were blond as blond. She now has very olive skin and shocking red hair!!! she is a year old. She does however, look exactly like two of her sisters to look at!

I'd wait a few weeks and see if the colouring changes. It can change with african babies too in the reverse, often born very pale and then go darker. Also, newborns often never look like how we think they will.

Also, just as an aside, it would be a very stupid wife who had an affair and got herself pregnant with a black man and then tried to pass the baby off as her scandinavian looking husbands!

congrats on your new addition, and hope everything turns out just fine as Im sure it will!

[twopennorth]

what makes the experts so confident?

Perhaps they know your child's blood group which makes them confident.

I advise you to get a DNA test: this will put your mind at rest, and will also be proof for anyone else whose suspicions have the potential to upset and embarrass your child in the future and your family now.

[lilyfrog]

what would you do if you had the test and the baby was not yours?

[Dolly1308]

The hospital could have mixed up your baby with someone else's ,they should be obliged to do the DNA test .Is your wife at all concerned about the colour of the baby ? I would be if it was mine .

[The Ponderer]

A good way to tell is the eyes. If your child has a different colour of eyes from both yourself and your wife then as far as I'm aware he/she can't be yours. For instance if you have blue and your wife green then your child will have either or a mixture of the two but cannot have brown eyes for instance. Agree a DNA test is the only way to put your mind at rest though.

[mimififi]

That eye thing is a good guide, but it is not actually foolproof. I have very dark almost black eyes, my husband has very icy pale blue eyes. ALL my children have blue eyes.

My sister and her husband both have dark vrown eyes, in fact her husband is very tawny. two of their children have pale blue eyes and white hair, and her last son has white hair and hazelly light brown eyes.

So, it is dangerous to say that "the child can't be yours" based on eye colour alone. There are many factors re eye colour other than brown being dom over blue...