// So by your definition, anybody who feels threatened in the UK (say, by gangs of people in Burnley who prey on an beat up gay people) could legitimately claim asylum in, say, France. //
In a narrow sense, absolutely. The ability to *seek* asylum is a basic human right, and applies to UK citizens as much as to everybody else. The circumstances in which such an asylum claim would make sense, or even be successful, are obviously extremely rare. In that sense, when you say that "France's [or, for that matter] any other country's] answer, no doubt, would be to refuse asylum and suggest the applicants contact their local police in the UK.", I entirely agree, but that's to confuse the outcome with the process. And, again, even to the extent that I'd expect France's decision to be made swiftly, in the time between receiving that application and ejecting it, they'd still be obliged to provide the asylum seeker with food, water, safety, and shelter.
Also, when you say that // It is not designed to protect people from harm in what are otherwise safe countries. That's the job of the police. //, I also agree in the first instance. But where does a person turn to when the police fail, or are in some other sense unable to provide adequate protection? And you'd still have to determine the threshold of safety; one citizen, or one type of citizen, may well be "safe" while another is not. Once again, though, all these are questions that the asylum process is meant to answer. Most asylum claims in the UK end up rejected (https://researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/SN01403/SN01403.pdf ), and while the backlog has increased significantly in the last couple of years, you could expect a broadly similar proportion of outstanding claims to be rejected.
// Are you coming across the channel in a boat, yes, then you can forget claiming asylum. //
This also doesn't work. For what are (I hope) obvious reasons, asylum seekers in genuine need often struggle to enter a given country through official channels (essentially, because they might find it difficult to *leave* their home country through official channels), and as a result it's long been recognised that you can't penalise a claim based on the means of arrival.
None of this is to say that we shouldn't take action to address the situation. At a minimum:
1. Employ more decision-makers to deal with the huge backlog of decisions as quickly as possible;
2. Come to a more robust arrangement with France to deal with the small boat arrivals, and in particular to stop those who profit from these dangerous journeys;
3. In the meantime, treat asylum applicants fairly and humanely. This particular appeal, again, concerned children and pregnant women. I don't see at all why it's controversial that they receive proper care while their claim is being heard.