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Why Christen your child?
Hi,
Not sure what I feel about this so I thought I'd get some opinions off others....
I went to a Christening at the weekend of a family who I know don't attend church apart from weddings, funerals, other christenings.
I am the same and don't feel I am particularly religious although I was Christened when I was young.
My question is, should I get my three year old boy Christened if my partner and I are not believers ourselves? Wouldn't that just make us into hypocrits? I couldn't stand up in church and say all those things if I knew I was blatently lying. I feel it is an insult to dedicated religious people.
People just seem shocked when they ask if our son has been Christened and we say no. We feel like we have done something wrong in the eyes of society.
We'd be interested to know others opinions on this.
Thank you.
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Hi Sair
I don't think you should christen your child if you do not believe, just because of pressures from the rest of society.
My husband and I married in a register office because we felt it would be hypocritcal to say our vows in the presence of a god who we don't worship or necessarily believe in.
Recently a friend of ours asked us to be godparents to her child. After carefully thinking about it we refused as we didn't feel we could provide all that a godparent is meant to (for example teach the child about christianity). However, I said that we would be there for their son and help in his social development as much as possible.
I think many people have church weddings/get their children christened because it is the "right thing to do". If you want to have a similar ceremony for your son, have you considered a humanist "naming" ceremony? You can celebrate your son and also have "guideparents" (or you can call them whatever you wish, I think) which have a similar role to god parents, but without the religious aspect.
I wasn't christened and I'm 35. People are sometimes surprised by that, which in turn surprises me. my parents got married in church, largely due to family pressure, but they weren't at all religious themselves, and so when they had kids, they decided not to have us christened, and let us make up our own minds about what, if any, religion we followed when we were older. I've always been very happy with their decision, and I am completely unreligious in every way shape and form, it is an irrelevance in my life. My partner is of a very similar mind, and so we never even considered getting our son christened after his birth 2.5 years ago. To go thru a christening service would just be daft and to us, pointless. We've been together 17 years and will get around to marrying one day soon, but it certainly won't be in a church. I'm amazed at people who will have a church wedding or a christening for their child just because it looks nice in the photos etc. I'm like you, seems likely hypocrisy and to me, devalues what they are doing, as it seems so shallow and cosmetic. But each to their own, they are not harming me by doing so.
So hold your head up pet, I don't think you're doing anything wrong, and like I did, your child may one day thank you for your decision. I'd also point out that at my son's mothers and toddlers group, about half of the kids his age haven't been christened, and I don't think our wee village an be that unusual.
I can't imagine why you'd want to stand up in a church and promise to bring them up in the Christian faith if you don't intend to.
I'm rather surprised that people seem shocked that you haven't had your children christened. My kids were never christened and the only time anybody ever raised it was a particularly tiresome in-law who was point scoring!
If I were you I'd do what I did then and just smile and say "I'll let them make their own decision when they're old enough" or if you feel more pushy say " I think it's wrong to force religion on children"
Still maybe they just think you might have had a party and not invited them! :c)
If you're wondering what alternatives there are have a look at this link (we're in the process of organising a naming ceremony for our little boy & I can highly recommend their 'New Arrvials' book). Your local register office can also perform naming ceremonies.
I know exactly what you mean when people comment on the fact our son has not been christened, despite these people already knowing Mrs Pid & I are both atheists. To put it in perspective though, we get even worse looks & remarks when we tell them we haven't given him a dummy either!
sair5412 I agree wholeheartedly with all the above. I was Christened myself 36 years ago. Times have changed. My kids are not christened for the very reasons you mentioned. Nobody has ever cast aspersions on us for it, I must add. Equally, we had a beautiful register office wedding for the same reasons. Cost, also came into it. Why on earth would I want to pay a church to marry me. We didn't want to be hypocrites. Follow your heart; don't worry about what others think, please!
Perhaps have a little naming party whereby family and friends are invited to an official do which in not religious.
Although my husband & I were Christened as babies, we both decided against the same for our two daughters, as we weren't regular Church goers.
Having said that, whilst we got married in a Registry Office, they both had Church weddings.
All the people we know who have had their children Christened, have never been back to Church to pray, only for weddings, funerals & the like.
Many years ago, I very reluctantly agreed to be God Mother to my neice & duly bought a very nice gift. A few years later my brother tried to embarrass me by saying in front of other members of the family, that "When you're a Godparent, you should really set up a trust fund for the Godchild". I just glared at him & said "Being a Godparent is not about money, it's supposed to be about loving & caring, which is what I am". He soon closed his mouth!
no worries sunflower68 - great minds think alike!
I also forgot to say that I am "god"father to my friends' son (we haven't come up with an alternative term that doesn't sound pretentious). From what I remember, they didn't have a christening as such but it was more like a blessing & celebration by the Salavation Army. The ceremony was still Christian in essence but the focus was much more on just being a nice to each other. In fact when I explained to Major Major (I'm not joking - that honestly was her rank & name!) that I was atheist she simply pointed out that you don't have to believe in a God to be a positive influence on a child's moral development.
At the cathedral where our family has christenings, you and the godparents must meet with clergy before the baptism. You cannot simply walk in off the street and ask for your child to be christened. In that meeting, the priest asks many questions, and I am sure would discover that you and your partner are atheists.
I'm with stoo-pid (sounds good!) and recommend the British Humanist Association. I'm a member and just wanted a ceremony to welcome my daughters' into the world without attaching any religious connotations in two important moments in my family's life.
http://www.humanism.org.uk/site/cms/contentviewarticle.asp?article=1174
The custom of Christening babies was evolved from the very high mortality rates of babies, combined with the Church's belief that non-baptised babies could not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
As with most past customs, times have changed, and baptism, like marriage, is no longer seen as an absolute necessity.
I am an aetheist, but I had cause to be greateful that i was baptised - I had to produce my baptism certificate before my wife and i could marry in a Catholic church - something you may want to coniser for your child's future.
As a non religious person I will not have my children christened if/when I have them. I will not attend church for any reason, not even funerals. I have always felt strongly about this, why attend s church if you do not believe in the religion?!
I dont think society now expects people to christen there children, maybe not having children myself I cannot comment so much on that. But I dont know of any friends or relatives that find my way of thinking wrong. The way we look at religion now compared to say 50 years or so ago is very different. I dont think people should feel the need to conform to somthing they do not believe in because its supposedly right.
I did not have my child Christened as I hold no religious belief. I don't think society condemns this these days at all.
Greedyfly, I respect your opinion, but I do attend Wedding, christenings, funerals, etc. I don't think it is hyprocrital to go in a church if you are not religious. They are only buildings after all. I attend such occasions to give support to my friends and family, which is the important thing. I just remain quiet throughout the service and don't join in with the prayers.
My mums religious now and was christened a while back but I couldnt face the 'priest' (what ever the correct term is) se was offended by me for it but I can't pretend to be ok with something I clearly do not agree or beliee in. Sair5412 you are entitled to do what you like, they are your children and it is your decision (as you already know) I cant understand why people feel so shocked by the non christened thing. =D
I totally agree with you.
My brother left church (in Germany it's a matter of paying church tax) and then had his daughter christened and thought that the two matters were completely unrelated.
I cannot understand that. If you do not believe I do not see the point in christening your child. If the child grows up to believe differently, there is nothing stopping him/her of getting christened later.
A Christening service is a promise made by parents/god-parents to bring their child up within the teachings of the Christian faith, and to be fair shouldnt be treated as a family day out with the lovely hats/dresses and buffet after. I personally was too phased by the wording of the service and knew I couldnt commit to what it was asking. The alternative is to get your little bundle of joy blessed. A blessing is basically a thanksgiving for your child into this world. I wouldnt say its important to have your child christened or blessed but it is 'nice' for the family.
I'm not a churchgoer, but then again I'm not an atheist and do see the church as central within todays society in Great Britain and wanted to share the birth of our baby daughter with friends, family and community. The blessing service offered a good compromise and the local vicar was very supportive even though we're not part of the church family and not even married. The church is changing its attitude to fit todays society, its not 'my bag' but I certainly wouldnt have a bad word said against it.
If you're atheist and see christening as irrelevant, then surely having a proper funeral wouldn't be to your liking too?
Wow! So many answers! Thank you. Very interesting to hear what people think.
With regard to the proper funeral (that's something to think about now isn't it!), I think I would prefer more of a "celebration of life/farewell" party rather than chuch service.
However, if I didnt get chance to plan and ended up having a church funeral, then what can I do about it? Not a lot! I can imagine the service would be rather hollow if they were talking about me and God, Christianity etc as it was not in my personality.
I am not opposed to religion what so ever, I just feel that personally, it is irrelevent to me as I don't believe and I would be being fake if I pretended I did. However, I would never dream of forcing my non belief on others as I would expect that they would not force their religion upon me. This goes for my son when he is older, what ever choices he decides to make regarding his beliefs are up to him and nobody else can really decide them for him.
Talking about funerals...What do people think regarding this topic if we are not Christening our children? Are we hypocrits to allow ourselves to have a funeral service in a Christian church?
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