I would arrange to have all the advert air time on TV (inc sky and every other channel purchased for a single date in say June 2007) i would also purchase all the advertising on bill boards / bus shelter and every taxi in the UK. I would also pay for electrical shops to run all their TVs on a continuous loop of the advert i would broadcast. On this advert, would be a single picture of me with an 0800 number below. No other writing or anything. I would love to see how many people would phone it and also how confused people would be. There is absolutely no point to this exercise but i think it would be very funny.
To be honest, there's not a lot I would change. I'd buy a TV station then buy the rights to show all sports fixtures. Other than that, I'm happy with my life as it is so I'd probably give lots of money to lots of charities.
I'd employ a dietician and a chef (ideally James Martin), a hairdresser, a beautician and personal trainer. Think about what a minger Colleen whatsherface was before she got in with Rooney and got rich. Of course we could all look as good as her if we had her money!