Tried and failed to become a "Christian."

[Le Chat]

I went to a very religious school, where it was rammed down your throat every day. (evangelical) This tended to make people either conform or rebel, hence I grew up detesting all forms of religion.
As I grew older, I met up with some of the teachers from my old school, who had formed their own 'church' in the town where I live. They are lovely, honest. trusting and extremely happy people, who would give you help and go out of their way for you at the drop of a hat. They are so infused with The Lord, it is truly wonderful.
To cut a long story short, I desperately tried to get this faith and compassion and the everyday trust in the Lord. It just never happened. I tried everything I could... church, prayer meeting, bible study, baptism, having my house blessed, casting demons out of my life etc etc. It just never worked for me!
Scroll forward 15 yrs and in my place of work comes a lovely eveangelical lady, who drops God in to most conversations....from how her dog needed an operation and The Lord helped her choose the right vet, to how a passer by helped her when her car broke down in the wilderness....God must have sent the helper.She has such an utter faith that God is with her every day.Now, I told her all of the above and asked why couldn't I get infused with the love of God? She said that it was because I was 'unequally yoked' with my husband, who is agnostic at best. However, I pointed out that I had only been with him for 5 yrs .... and previously, my boyfriend and I had both been to church together.
Anyway, what I am saying really is that as I am here and now, a decent person with good values and a strong ethical sense, why didn't it work for me? I now have only a passing interest in religion, although I know alot about Christianity from my studies. Do all who seek, not necessarily find?

[saxy_jag]

You don't have to be a christian to be good. The converse is also true.

You're basically trying to believe in something you don't. Why force yourself?

[whiffy]

I so identify with what you say. I had a very Bible Class upbringing. The 2 leaders were the loveliest people I have ever met, devotees of the Scofield Bible, utterly full of their faith. It always eluded me, and still does, despite extensive reading and research. I have examined carefully the evidence for the resurrection, and I am convinced by it. Yet still that faith won't come in to augment the belief. Paul was a lucky guy, getting a personal vision. I sometimes think I must tread the Damascus road forever. Keep plodding on !

[luna-tic]

Maybe you're looking for something that you don't really need because it's already within you.
No book, building or following others is going to give you a sense of peace and well-being that is strived for when being kind to others without ego and loving your family and friends is all anyone could ask for.

[Le Chat]

luna-tic, I am no longer searching, as I have in effect given up. I just really wanted to have that ability to 'turn my life over to God,' and let him make my descisions. To have that ultimate knowledge and absolute trust that he is in control of my life and I can rely and trust him at every turn.
I did everything I was supposed to and could do but it just didn't happen.
The Christian lady who visits my place of work says that God has not given up on me....but that's just a sound bite. You may say I gave up on him but you wouldn't do something for 10 yrs all to no effect! I did give it a damn good go!!!!! I just couldn't feel it!

[naomi24]

Ditto to that Luna. Some people feel lost without religion in their lives - others don't need it. You say you're a decent person with good values and a strong ethical sense, so all you need is within you.

[naomi24]

Le Chat - but even if you had 'found god' you would still be making your own decisions; he wouldn't have been physically in control of your life. OK, you may have felt that you could say a prayer and perhaps gain some inner strength from that, but ultimately any decisions made would still have to be yours. There's no reason why you shouldn't trust in yourself and find your spirituality within yourself. With your outlook on life, it seems you have.

[luna-tic]

Dear Le Chat, In a way, to my own way of thinking,you have answered your own question.
By not searching you are in control of your own life and the desire to follow a belief or waiting for some divine feeling from that is not necessary but love for your kin should be one part of the whole that makes anyone's life worth living.
The rest are your own choices, a path only you can design to make the physical time on this planet hopefully a better one.
The lady you speak of has found her road and if she finds contentment along that way then good for her but that doesn't mean it will work for everybody.

[Cetti]

How I sympathise with you Le Chat, as I was given the same load of drivel by so called Christians as you have!! No wonder it's put you off. These well meaning people who read you chapter and verse from the Bible on every occasion should be shot at dawn!!

Thankfully I have now been a Christian for 15years and all without me doing a thing - no preaching, no reading the Bible for 24 hours or even going to church every Sunday. God does it. Forget the lady who spoke about 'unequally yoked' as that is even more more rubbish. You and your husband are precious and loved in the sight of God - we were all agnostic at one time for goodness sake. Let God sort out the details, you concentrate on enjoying life with your husband.

The good news is that you do not have to 'try' to become a Christian. When you accept Jesus as your personal saviour feelings are part of the package - no striving or looking for the feelings you describe - they are there just for you. All you need to do is ask the Father.


I also 'tried' everything and when it didn't work imagined I was one of those who God didn't want to know about, or had been so bad that I was beyond saving - more rubbish!! This is all a bit of a mish mash, but I hope you can understand what I've attempted to say to you.

[Theland]

Cetti has articulated the message far better and more concisely than I ever could - in other words, I agree.

[Le Chat]

Thanks all and Cetti, that was lovely and very encouraging. I thank you.

[RevShirls]

Le Chat, I have been a church minister for 17 years and I am still uncomfortable with people who have to punctuate every sentence with God talk and references to God. This is certainly not what my faith is about. St. francis of Assissi once said: "Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words" In other words, it's more about living a life of faith than talking about it all the time. I wouldn't worry too much about seeking. What you're looking for is within you. God is love. Wherever love is, there God is.
As for your husband being agnostic, that is not a problem at all. In fact, agnosticism is a very healthy position. It means that he doesn't just accept religion hook, line and sinker. Questions and doubts are vital. There would be no scientific discoveries without them. My husband is a psychologist and although he has a faith he does not claim to be particularly religious. I love him to bits and I think he is deeply spiritual. I am eternally grateful that he isn't a bible basher. Just an ordinary guy. We have great fun together and so much love.