Changes after end of relationship?

[leecamowol]

Hi people, I just thought I'd give people an update and as my friend has told me "talk to people on that answerbank as they seem to give you the best advice". So here goes ...

Well since seeing my GP about my depressed state of mind I've seen (and will see again next week) a community health worker though I do feel very much over my ex (female) now and out of my depressing low mood. A slight wobble on Weds when my ex visited to sort out the last few items ... she had a go at me for emailing her mum (who told me she didn't mind) with all my news but as the mum was relaying all the details to my ex who couldn't care less so I have stopped emailing the mum but also pointed out that I was unaware that for the past 2 months that her mum was repeating all my emails ... if only my ex had told me sooner she wouldn't have got so upset with me!!

Well now after seeing a guy for a month ... a couple of cinema visits, a couple of evenings watching TV (+ sex!!). He has said he's not over his ex and wants space which is fair enough but also I believe he's not too interested anymore however and I believe he might be a bit of a local player ... my question this time relates to I seem to have become more shallower and less relationship inclined and more just sex inclined attitude now. There is a guy at work who admits he fancies me and he's the sweetest and most considerate guy in the world (my mum says the perfect guy for me) but he;s just taken me out for dinner and it felt like the most uncomfortable time ever as I don't feel anything for him and even though he said we could just be friends I even don't feel like I want that (even though the other guy was only really interested in sex I did think if I was at the meal with him I would have felt so much more comfortable) ...

[leecamowol]

all my current friends are females, don't know why but I've always had female friends and not male friends and feel happier with female friends... all I seem to be interested in at the moment is checking out hot guys and just interested in sex. Now this is a big change (even my ex pointed it out) as during my 3 years with her (and remember she was my one and only) I always said and meant it that "I only want to be with one person, so if we finish I won't ever go with anyone else" but now as she put it I have a "well if it's not going to be 1 than let it be as many as possible" attitude.

So is it okay to be feeling like this ... I've got this just want to go and have fun attitude and catch up on all the "fun" I could have had when at uni as I was in a "serious" relationship. Even though I haven't been with anyone other that guy last month ... I almost feel like I want to be "a player"??

I have to admit I am enjoying all the attention my "coming out" has produced too. I am feeling happier being gay but it's brought a heightened desire for sex and with only really hot guys. So what do ya think???

Thank U xx

[banjosister]

Hey leecamowol,

I think that what is happening is that you don't want to get hurt. Therefore, if you only have sex and don't get emotionally involved it won't happen. Having lots of sex can be a fear of intimacy which sounds ridiculous but is true.

Also you are feeling as if you need to 'catch up' on the time lost at University. I had a 'mid life crisis' - that's what I call it anyway! I felt as if I had missed out on my teenage years as I had my first child at 19. I regret a lot of it now but I can't change it. Think how you really feel about what you are doing. Be very honest with yourself, which isn't as easy as it would appear, we all lie to ourselves!

Take care, good luck xxx