We view life from different angles ...

[shtumkeeper]

My partner and I have been together for 2 1/2 years .. We met in London (where I am from) and we enjoyed doing similar things like going out, socialising and eaing out ect .. We have moved over to NZ for a while (where he is from) and I have learnt a lot about both of us .. For one I am deffinatly a social creature, I thrive on being around others I like to be spontanious and am creative, He is more a person who likes to achieve things everyday and likes to be secure. He owns a home and we have material possessions .. but they mean nothing to me in comparisson to the fact I would rather be around people and enjoy day to day life. He wants to achieve things for later in life .. I am 26 and he is 31 .. I wonder if its just my age .. maybe I will come to appreciate these things or maybe we are just too different. We are so in love and we love eachother for who we are, we aren't expecting each other to change .. but I am concerned that we are too differnt for this to work ..? He wants us to always be doing jobs around the home like painting/decorating/fixing and I am happy to read, or go to the gym. He gets frustrated when I am not interested in or am not good at completing the tasks he wants me to do around the house while I am stuck wondering if I tried hard enough or am not adding enough to what being in a relationship means ..? I do think that our differences could be a wonderful thing - as we both bring different qualities to each other but also worry that it may not work when sometimes I wonder if we just dont GET each other .. apart from loving each others qualities .. Can a relationship work when we are people who live on different pages?

[tiny e.a]

It can work if you're happy with it like that. It doesn't seem that you are happy though. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about how you feel? Do you think you might feel homesick or isolated because of your move to New Zealand and your projecting your feelings onto your relationship instead?

I'm afraid I can't offer any helpful advice, I can understand how confused you must feel though. When you love him so much but just aren't happy in the relationship. Perhaps if you took a break for a while? Not even an offficial one, you could just go back to London on your own for a 2 or 3 week visit and see how you feel when your apart, whether you could or couldn't separate from him permanantly.

Sorry it's a bit babbling I just didn't want you to think no one was paying attention.

[jno]

he maybe shouldn't be 'wanting' you to do things. Do you want him to do things? Does he do them? Who does what is something to be sorted out in individual relationships, but ideally it shouldn't leave anyone feeling they're being given chores they don't want. If you both hate putting out the rubbish, share it. And your being a long way from home probably isn't helping, because it also means you're currently the one having to adjust. Kiwis are friendly people, but probably not what you're used to. Could you get used to them? Or are you always going to feel you're in exile?