More Children ?? How do you really know / decide

[cockroach]

Morning all... there is a debate in the Roach household on wheather to have (try) for another child. We are quite happy with things at the moment. ( we have 5 yr old easy to look after girl)
I feel on one hand something is missing,dont want to look back in a couple of years & wish I should have, until I wake up in the morning & close my eyes for another 15 mins not have to stress.
What are your thoughts. x

[True Blue 36]

have another one, you have no excuse, a little boy would make the set and a little girl wuld be her friend for life.

I am having the same debate, i have a boy nearly 7 and a girl 5 - i would love another but would it rock the boat. They are such good friends, would it spoil it.

See yours is easy - go start practicing now lol

[cazzz1975]

I have 3 and feel that the family is complete, it was a feeling I had after I had my last child, it was like my brain said "there, thats it!!" 6 years on I have no desire to have anymore children.

after I had my first 2 I was feeling similar to you, it was like having the 3rd flicked off the switch!

My children are a big bundle of energy and laughter, I love a noisy happy house!

[tiny e.a]

If you can afford it financially and you have the time to give then I really don't see what's stopping you. You haven't produced any reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea, only suggestions that you would like to try so I think really you know what you want. If you don't try for another you may on occasion in the future find yourself thinking, 'I wish I'd had another child', but if you did have another I would bet every last penny I have that at no point in the future would you think, 'I wish I'd never had her/him.'

[cockroach]

Your right ...i would never say I wish I never .
Finacially we are ok ( at the mo) would possibly struggle tho as we run own business together. If you have a coil removed ...is there a period of 'cant get preggi'. ?

[jno]

from what I can see there's quite a jump between one child and two. You're doubling your commitment, and that means a lot. You get certain economies of scale - you can do hand-me-down clothes (though this may bruise the egos of second children today, it used to be normal) and you fuss much less about the second because you've now had child-rearing experience and you know every scratch doesn't automatically mean tetanus. It's unwise to think of them as a set, as they may actually not get on all that well.

On the other hand, if you decide you want two, it's probably better to have them reasonably close together - I wouldn't have them very much more than 5 years apart. Two kids 10 years apart may hardly be like sister and brother at all.

[nutgoneflake]

Do it, do it!! You'll never regret it, whereas if you don't do it, you probably will! Your daughter will love being a little helper too, whether a new baby is a girl or a boy.

You may be happy with your family now, but you would be over the moon happy with a bigger one - I promise. Listen to cazzz - a noisy, happy house. Can't beat it!! If I were a bit younger, I'd have had two more (two boys already.) Going from one to two is wonderful, don't even stop to think. Going from two to three would be worth a bit of thought, but if I were you...well, you know already!!

I'll expect to hear some good news on here in a few weeks....lol xx

[B00]

Oh 'eck- jno shaming me there, there's 16 years between my two!

I spent that 16 years saying "never ever again!" but I got to my mid 30's and thought..."hang on, it might be too late soon....." and we went ahead and had Mini Boo, best decision I ever made, well that and entering the Tufty Club as a kid, but that's another story.....

If you both, and emphasis on both, really want one, go for it, you won't regret it.

Good luck!

[tazz]

cockroach i fell preg when my baby was 10months, freaked me out a bit at first, but now i wouldn`t change a thing. best thing i ever done n they both r best of friends.go 4 it i say if u feel something is missing then it is time.
hope this helps.x

[jno]

yow, quite a gap B00! But are they like brother and sister (or sister and sister or whatever)? Was it like completing your family, or starting another one?

[B00]

They're sisters jno and as the eldest no longer lives at home (yay!) she's more like a 2nd mum to Mini Boo than a sister, which I think is adorable as Mini Boo worships her. Another bonus I forgot to mention is the free babysitter I've got if ever i venture outside for a small drinkypoos :-)

[cockroach]

tazz... what do you have & how old are they now?

[jno]

on the other hand, B00, your own babysitting-granny years could be near, and they're going to last forever. No sooner will you be finished with grandchild-set #2 than you'll be on to great-grandchildren#1. (Or you could do as my own Mum did and say No, I've done enough childcare for one lifetime, never again...)

[tiny e.a]

I can see what jno means to an extent, it's nice to have the children's age close together so they have a playmate with more interests in common, but I think what ever the age gap the relationship between siblings is still a very strong one. Why would the elder child not respond to it's younger sibling and vice versa on any level just because of the age gap? Like BOO says of her children, they both adore eachother despite 16 years. There's 6 years between me and my sister and 8 years between my my brother and my sister, both my brother and I loved her immediately and as family found common interests and things to entertain us despite the age gaps!

[cockroach]

I was an only child & had lots of friend & dont think I feel I missed out on naot having a sibling.

[B00]

I was an only child too roach and spoilt rotton as a child, I was a real brat! The same goes for my eldest as she was for the 1st 16yrs of her life. Sadly I've not learnt a lesson either as it does feel like Mini Boo is an only child alot of the time- and i can see those same selfish bratty traits rearing it's ugly head!

[yinyang]

I don't think any of us here are in a position to say' yes' or 'no' because we only know the barest facts about your life, assuming they're true ( not that I'm accusing you in any way, you can just never know for sure ).
It's such a personal decision and what's right for one family may be totally wrong for another.
You haven't said very much about mr. coakroach except that there is a debate in the house, does that mean he's not so sure?

[cockroach]

yep...he works away alot tho'...well 1-2 days aweek

[gina32]

why do you feel the need to ask other people, its your choice and to have to ask other peoples opinion shows that you really arent ready.

[jno]

congrats to B00, but I just suspect her experience isn't entiely relevant for cockroach's purposes: big gaps like that create an entirely different family dynamic from a 5-year one. As for why they wouldn't love each other... well, there are always issues between siblings, though they needn't be traumatic: the first one loses that undivided attention, the second one never gets it at all. And for no special reason, some siblings just don't get on. (Just as some parents, however hard they try to be equally loving, actually like one child more than another.) Sorry, cockroach, not trying to scare you. If you want a second one, and it seems that you do, go for it.

[yinyang]

From my own experience we were both totally for having a baby, ended up having twins and have to say that first year as parents was the rockiest in our 14 years together. Lack of sleep meant things got blown out of proportion, when he wasn't working he wanted to relax but I wanted him to take the girls and give me a break.No time for ourselves blah blah...
I know you've already got a daughter so don't need to tell you what these first months can be like.
On paper I'm the perfect candidate at the moment to have another baby, except for one factor - we really don't want one!
Like I said it's a very personal decision, but one that should be made as a couple.