Getting riled about this more and more.

[Goodsoulette]

I have recently dumped all my kids old clothes on freecycle. Which is great but when I went to pick up the kids from school the other day, I noticed one of the kids who is 5 but small for his age, about the size of a three year old, in a coat that was to big for him and trousersthat were way to small. I think they were pyjama bottoms for maybe 12- 18 months.

So I Went home rumaged through the cupboards again and then asked my neighbour and between us we got together a bin liners worth of clothes.

I gave them to his mum and she was so grateful she was crying. She has had a lot of problems both kids have had serious health problems and her baby died last year but I cant help but think this is all related to er alcoholism. When I gave her the clothes she had sick in her hair, she stinks of alcohol at 9 am. Her other half works so the kids should have clothes. Ffs a pair of trousers i primark are no more than 3 quid sometimes 50p. So Im guessing all their money goes on alcohol and fags.


Is this child abuse or not! Im dying to say something to someone because I cant believe its right. I know her eldest children live with their dad.

[samsong7]

My dear Goodsoulette
FFS do the decent thing and report this drunken woman to the authorities before any harm comes to the poor child. This is indirect child abuse. I realise that some people do not have a lot of spare money each week, but it's not too expensive to kit a child out in decent clothes is it? I sympathise with the woman if she is an alcoholic, but the kindest thing you could do is report her so that SHE can get treatment AND the child can be looked after properly.

[bednobs]

not sure its child abuse. When you think of all the horrible things that happen to children being sent to school in crp clothes is quite small.

If you are worried about any children ring the nspcc helpline because you can do it anonymously and have a chat with them. You dnt eve have to give their name

[Goodsoulette]

Its not necessarily the crap clothes bednobs. Its not like they are patched a million times. A 5 year old in trousers that would be too small for my toddler, its like they haven't had anything new, handed down or otherwise for 3 years.

[B00]

Whilst it's break my heart as much as it obviously did you Goodsy to see children dressed like this. I'd be more inclined to think its the mum who needs help. Do you know the dad well? Can you ask him subtly how she's faring?

[redcrx]

Id say report it GS. The social services will do a lot to try and help her, although she does need to want to help herself as well.

If shes spending money on drink when her kids are in need of clothes then id say thats abuse of some sort.

[beryllium]

Hi GS :)
Does noone care at the school? if the clothes are that bad.... what are they being fed? if anything at all..... I'm crying as I think about this.
Please do something hon. Please. xxx

[laurence2]

I would suspect if she is an alcoholic others may of sussed onto this. ie other parents/teachers etc.

Maybe its worth having a quite word with the headmaster to see if he can assist or throw any light on the situation.ie maybe the child has had ''nits'' etc and the school are aware, it gives the school the perfect reason to call in the authorities.

[~max~]

This is obviously a very delicate matter. I'm tempted to think that, since she accepted the clothes you gave her with good grace and no feeling of shame, then maybe she doesn't get much empathy or comfort at home, which is why she was amased at your kind gesture, and needs someone to talk to. Maybe her partner doesn't treat her properly either? This woman needs help, and obviously loves her kids, as she would have rejected your offer otherwise. I'd say call the social services. She needs help, and so do her children. x

[~max~]

Laurence, surely a child having nits is hardly a cause for calling the "authorities"?? There has to be more substantial causes for concern, ie: evidence of serious neglect, for the school to intervene I would think.

[laurence2]

max.

That was an example, as would be clothing, cleanliness, absent from school, parents meetings etc etc


In other words the school may only know too well whats going on ie social services aware


Is that ok

[~max~]

Yes, it's ok Laurence...lol sorry about that, it just caught my eye. :O) I understand what you mean.

[laurence2]

I just think the school headmaster/mistress is a good staring point max.

it ''might'' cut out ex-amount of phone calls and running around by GS.


No need to apologise, maybe i should of worded it better.



Ps, who had nits at school then. lol


i did.


Sorry for hijacking the post GS

[Goodsoulette]

Many years ago her husband was a chef where I worked (always on the rob where he could) and she was a cleaner. So I know the husband but hes a prat.

I really feel for her but her alcoholism started way before this. She and bloke were drinking all the time when I knew them 10 years ago. He was also spending 50 quid a night on the fruities. She was drinking heavily when she was pregnant with the eldest of the children that live with her so its no wonder he was born with lots of birth defects.

Max to be honest, I was very nervous of approaching her with the clothes. I thought she could possibly go a bit mental on me for having the nerve.

Leg, I dont knw if she goes out drinking to be honest. I imagine she stays at home. Although I dont think a mum drunk at home is any more use to one that is out drinking.

Maybe Ill just ask her outright about what clothes she needs. Grab them all together and then ask her why she doesnt apply for help. Subtly say tax credits maybe and try and find out why they dont have enough money for clothes.

Laurance its a valid point, I don't think the school can be missing this. The eldest child is still in nappies so they must have regular contact with the social worker or health visitor.

[Goodsoulette]

I didn't get nits, hairs curly. Apparently they cant grip to the follicle when you have curly hair but nits in Africa can. What a pointless bit of information, huh? Didnt stop my best mate calling me fleabag though.

[natalie_1982]

I'd suggest having a word with someone at the school, I work for local authority and often am involved in bringing multi agencies together to discuss an action plan for the family. For example, in this case the school would arrange a meeting where the mother and child's gp would be invited, appropriate representation from social services (children looked after team and assertive outreach if required), a rep from ParentTalk or a similar counselling service, family support, Sure Start, youth service, Housing, etc.

This should then provide the mum with appropriate support and will allow the authorities to monitor the situation. Care / support workers can help the family get back on their feet and offer further help if desired (counselling for bereavement and / or alcoholism for example).

Don't feel like you are being a nosey parker, you have to think of what is best for the little ones. It's such a hard position to be in Goods, I know exactly how you feel X

[pastafreak]

Goody-is there any chance you could have a word with the woman?...and I mean as a concerned friend/bystander? If things are so bad for this poor woman then the last thing she may need is Social Services getting involved. Tho not common,thereare still too many cases of children being taken from the people who love them. Also -a friendly face and a willing ear may go a long way. If you then feel the children are trully 'at risk' then do get others involved