Where is the support for the biological children of foster carers??

[KAZ]

These children are often overlooked, sometimes with devasting consequences. living with parents who make the desicion to foster or adopt other children can deeply effect them both as children and as they grow up to be adults, there is a huge support network for the fostered children but seemingly nothing for the biological ones? why is the system failing these kids??

[bednobs]

in my opinion it is not up to "the system" to support those children, it's up to their damn parents?! Where is parental responsibility in all this then? If parents feel that fostering is detrimental tou their own children then they should stop. If they are overlooked, then again that is the parents fault.
By implying it is up to some namelesss, faceless "system" to support them, you are implying that i as a taxpayer should pay for it, aren't you? Well i don't want to. Its up to people to make a reasonable, informed decision about whether to be foster/adoptive parents and to consider the effect it might have on any of their biological offspring, not the state.
Lots of people have "issues" with their parents as they are growing up, but they dont get supported by the state/charities unless there is physical or mental abuse.

I also feel that noone else knows what it feels like to have this particular set of issues apart from people who go through it, so why shouldn't it be encumbent on them or people like them to set up a support network, or charity dedicated to it. If YOU are in this position kaz, why don't you start a support network/group for similar problems, and take the problem into your own hands instead of expecting someone else to sort this problem for you

[China Doll]

My mother and father were foster parents when I was a child.

It was always explained to myself and my two sisters that we were lucky because we had a mum and dad who loved us and would always look after us but that some children were not so lucky and they wanted to help these children by looking after them for a little while and sharing our home with them.

It certainly taught me a sense of empathy and appreciation of my own family as a child. Although the ability to share has always been a little hard for me to grasp but I'm working on it.

I have very fond memories of the foster children we received in to our home and at no point did I ever feel unsupported by my parents.

[daffy654]

As a former foster child I find your question quite offensive KAZ. Children are fostered for many reasons and most of them are traumatised by their circumstances. The social worker involved with the foster child is always there to support the foster family as a whole but mainly for the child who is fostered. There is support in place.

[aims1202]

I agree with these answers, it is of course up to the parents who do this, to help and support their own children through it. it is the whole family who are fostering and i believe the support is there for the whole family.
China doll what you said has reassured me a lot, i am about to start the training course to become a foster carer and i have a 4yr old son of my own. i believe it will be a positive experience for him and any other children i have in the future, as well as myself. His happiness and well being is of course the most important thing to me.

[Pippa68]

I don't understand the question...what support is needed for these kids? surely the same support they have always received from their parents...and the same support kids from non-fostering parents.

I don't get it, sorry!

[China Doll]

aims, it's hard but rewarding I think is all I'd say.

Just make you that you and mini aims get to spend a little bit of time a day just you two so that he can voice any concerns he has. I'm told that some of the warnings as to what a kid was going to do or was going through at the time came out of my own garbled mouth and ability to blurt things out randomly. (The lattter hasn't changed).

My dad used to read me a bedtime story everynight but before that he always uttered the words 'alright kid?' I now realise that was my cue to talk about my little world. It worked.

Good luck.

[mycats]

Good for you aims - I had a foster mum when I was young and I really believed she saved me. She was so supportive and let me have space to myself while still being there if/when I needed her.

I have never ever forgotten the few month I spent with her

[aims1202]

Thanks a lot guys! I went to the first day of training on sat and it was really good. I think a lot about how it will affect my son but i feel very reassured that it will be a good thing for him.
Thanks again x

[ruby27]

KAZ

are you speaking from personal experience. If so maybe it would be helpful for you to speak to your parents about this. If you can not, such as they are deceased, counselling may help.

If its not personal experience I think you will find that the answers suggest it is not a problem

[KAZ]

I am speaking from the the experiences of someone very close to me who along with their siblings has suffered as a result of fostering/adoption within the family. I am very sorry if my question offended anyone as that was never my intention. I know that there are fantastic foster parents out there with really great well adjusted families, I'm talking about the other side of the coin here....I just see this awful situation that still effects this family even though they have all now grown up. (The "parents" still have foster children to this day.)

I'm sorry I cannot go into too much detail about this however I can appreciate the comments from "Bednobs" about the parents and I can say that the parents in this case were, and still are very selfish. I do think the system has a duty of care to ALL children, Children cannot help themselves, they need protection. There were the usuhal home visits etc When these kids were young but there seemed to be no-one looking out for their needs, only the fostered children, The biological children were never even spoken to, no-one noticed they were being pushed aside and neglected, the parents always just expected them to "fall into line" I whole heartedly agree that the parents are utimately to blame, but I feel that if the system were set up better or people were more aware then this type of situation would not be allowed to happen.

[marabout]

i am a foster carer...a single mum,with now,an 17yr old son..i waited for the right time,so that it did not affect my son,his needs etc...other carers have different thoughts. if woking for the right agency,not only will they ask you if you are ok,or tell/ask you if you need respite...but they will also take your own child to one side to let them express thier views..agency differ,but never once,ahs the agency i wok for,ever forgotten to chat to my son

[marabout]

i am a foster carer...a single mum,with now,an 17yr old son..i waited for the right time,so that it did not affect my son,his needs etc...other carers have different thoughts. if woking for the right agency,not only will they ask you if you are ok,or tell/ask you if you need respite...but they will also take your own child to one side to let them express their views..agencyies differ,but never once,has the agency i work for,ever forgotten to chat to my son.

[toby99]

I know a couple, who provide a loving family, but their own child has changed quite dramatically since they started fostering. This could be due to perhaps a little less attention, but it could also be as a result of inevitably overhearing the reasons why these children had to be fostered (which are often upsetting) or they may have their own hidden insecurities and anxieties that they they too may have to leave their family and be taken away to live with a new foster mum. (They can't understand why a child has come to live with them and are not with their parents) All cases are different and children are deeper than we think... they may not share, or indeed be able to put it into words what they are feeling, but they are definately not as resilient as we think and become very confused and insecure quickly.

You started a difficult debate here, but not one that should have been taken as 'offensive.' I think it was a very fair question and one with substance. As I said, all cases are different due to the ages and cognative capabilities of all the children involved.

I have seen the negative affect it has had a child, but also the tremendous, life changing and deserving affect it has had on the fostered child.

[aims1202]

i understand your question a bit more now you have explained the situation. it is very sad that that has happened to the children of that family and yes the responsibilty is with the parents. But the social workers should have seen what was happening and done their job. if the children were neglected then something should have been done about it. if that meant removing the foster child or just giving more support for the foster carer. they are there to protect every child. so you are right that they did fail those children.
in the training i am having at the moment they have said over and over that it is the whole family who are fostering and everyone in the home is just as important as the foster child. they emphasise the support that is provided and what to do if you need help with anything including with helping your own children.

[toby99]

You will just need to watch your son carefully Aims and you sound a very caring mother, but it's not always apparent what they are thinking & they are not able to express themselves. It can manifests in other ways. Most of all, do not let him know why these children are with you. It 's so easy for them to overhear & secretly suffer inside. They can't understand why any child is not with its mother, even if you try to explain in simple terms it still won't make sense. Even if they don't say it they can be scared and confused that this may happen to them. Another thing is to try and not make them grow up too soon and know things that they don't need to at such a young age. All that said, well done to you and for caring enough to offer a home to a deserving child - good luck the world needs more people like you!