would you stay with someone if they were a little slow?

[kidzgonmad]

it sounds awfull but i wonder if anyone out there would stay with someone if they were a little on the slow side? my partner is not the brightest person but he tries so hard to make me happy. would you be able to cope if you had to do all the thinking in the relationship? we have been together for 7 years & have 2 very smart kids! im not very intelligent but i do have common sence & a little knowledge!
its just so draining all the time i have to think of everything, im tired.
he's great apart from that! he's helpfull & loving & does exactly what i tell him to! thats just the point i dont want to tell him what to do anymore. i never did want to be anyones owner & i hate sounding bossy! i hate anyone sounding bossy!
so i just wondered if anyones been in a relationship like this or are still with someone like this? how do you cope? i did go counciling a few years ago which helped me stay with him but is it all worth it?

[Kimthurston]

Hi there, yes, I can totally empathise with your situation. I met my husband 35 years ago and we have been married for 31 and have three grown up children. He is severely dyslexic and, as you say, a bit "slow." What you say doesn't sound awful at all, it is a fact of life. My husband can be bloody difficult at times, but I think that is because he just doesn't understand fully. Again, he continues to be a wonderful and caring father and I wouldn't change him for the world. It can have it's beneftis though, like when a Bank Statement comes in and says "dr" - he thinks it means we have money in the Bank! Having said that, you obviously love this guy to buts and love, apparently, can overcome all difficulties. You stick with it, hope it lasts forever! Just remember, you are not alone as you think, it's just that some women don't like to discuss their partner's inadequacies.

[tamirra]

I have been married to my hubby now for 22 years and have 2 grown up kids, he has never been tested for dyslexia but i think he is. He was bought up in this country even though his parents are Cypriotts and couldn`t speak English so he couldn`t speak English when he went to school, which resulted in him being bullied and called thick and stupid, he still is slow at reading and cant spell all that well, but he runs his own construction business and has quite a few men working for him, so even though you might be a bit on the slow side, that dosn`t mean your thick. Hope that helps.

[MiniN]

ok kidzgonmad, is your hubby lacking in common sense or are we talking learning difficulties here?

surely you knew what you were getting when you got together with him. could you not try to talk to him about him taking more responsibilities? i understand it must be hard but believe in no relationship is it ever equally 50-50.

[Octavius]

Is it that you have evolved into the more responsible part of the relationship? Sometimes one needs to take the lead in certain matters, but there is a corresponding compromise that the partner takes ownership pf responsibility of with some crossover between

We all get to the point where we wonder 'why am I alwats doing this'?

Maybe your relationship has evolved into a hen picked one, a lot of men are very content for their partners to run rings around them, it always bemuses me that alot of women like to 'mother' these boys and then moan that they don't do anything to help.

Is there a chance that maybe he could start taking more responsibility for things, or is it always expected that you willl do it or it'll never get done? If the latter, then maybe it is time to reassess how the relationship works and start to instill some of the burden you have, on him, or at least share it.

I hope you are not at the end of your tether, things can usually be worked out. Have you talked about how you feel with him? Maybe he has no idea how you feel and considers you are content being the leader of the pack.

[thebassman]

Hay, only you can say weather he is worth it or not! I'm a guy and have been in a marrage now for 9 years and know now to expect up's and down's in the relationship. A relationship is always something you need to work at. You think you take the rains to hard, well, sit down and tell him (Nicely), no one can fix things if they don't think they are broken. Look at the pros and cons of this, He loves you, he will do anything to make you happy and you have two great kids that are apart of you both. There are so many people out there in the world that don't have what you have. Just Love Him.... and all will fit into place. Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy, love won't parade itself, its not puffed up, will not behave badly, will not seek its own, love is not provoked, it thinks no evil thoughts, does not rejoice in lieing, but, rejoices in the truth, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. Talk things over, but don't go into the conversation with a failed relationship in mind, think repair, think make better, think long term and strength in it all. Good luck, i'll be thinking about you as you go through the next steps.

[tamirra]

Hey thebassman very nice wording. x

[MiniN]

thebassman - that was lovely!

[Octavius]

Fair play, using Bible text in relationships and dating!

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

[ummmm]

Octavius, I wrote that in my diary years ago when I was on a downer.

[Octavius]

So long as it works and it doesn�t hurt anybody, then you can use whatever means you like as a pick me up.

I hope it was uplifting for you ummmm.

[4getmenot]

My ex was really brainy always trying to compete and wasnt the best partner and then I met my current bloke and well he's not the sharpest tool in the box but he cares for me and looks after me and thats all that matters. He cracks me up with it aswell.

[4getmenot]

Although saying that I am the dumbass who�s just locked herself out and now he has to come pick me up :-)

[kidzgonmad]

you lot are fantastic! ive just cried & laughed at all what you have written!
all your words are so inspiring i now realise im not alone. i do love him, more than i think ive ever loved anyone, but it's not intense love, its deep love, the best i think? im so happy to hear there are so many happy relationships out there, & im just happy that you have all made me see that there is hope.
me & my a bit slow but not totally thick partner have sat down earlier this evening & had a real chat, one we havent had for many years! ive been pushing him away as i thought he didnt really want to have all the responsibility of a family & a mortgage but he's informed me that maybe its me that has the lack of brain cells & maybe i didnt see what he really wanted, he wants the challenge & is happy to work hard at making things better not just for me but for him too. so it looks like we will try to make a go of it & im even more convinced after reading all what you have said, ive got hope hope is what i have. ive got a good partner & he's my friends too!

[Octavius]

Delighted to hear it.

I wish you well.

[terambulan]

It wasn't till years into my marriage that I discovered my spouse could barely read and certainly didn't know how to fill in a cheque....but the signature was acceptable to the bank.

Its kinda, verrrrry useful! ;-))

[fingernail]

have an affair