Writing "thank you" notes

[blackcat77]

I would be interested to hear other peoples' opinions on this. I have always been encouraged to write thank you notes for birthday and christmas presents, not only because I think that it is good manners but also if you are sending money or vouchers it is nice to know that they have arrived safely. If not a note, even a phone call would be nice. My OH's children who are all married with their own children very seldom do this and frankly it bugs me! I tried suggesting to him to ask them nicely if they could just let us know if the gift has arrived but he told me that I was being snobbish! Am I? Are good manners snobby?

[Sachs]

Hi black, oh this winds me up!!! Of course it's not snobbish!
I gave up presents ect.. with any extended family that couldn't be arsed to acknowledge hard earned cash!!!!!
I brought my kids up with those values, trouble is when they reach the age where they're too old to be told, they're on their own! Then it's down to them & they don't always remember to be truthful! You can only steer them and that's about it. But yes, it's very bad manners not to acknowledge a gift!! xxx

[coke71]

I don't think it's snobbish at all blackcat, I always get my girls to write thank you notes for any gifts they recieve it show you appriciate the trouble someone has gone to, to buy a gift for you, and if I've had friends that have help me out in any way I like to treat them to something, nothing expensive maybe a card or fridge magnet, or a few hand made chocs just to say thanks for taking the time. this way it shows good manners and that you care

[terambulan]

I had the same from my OH. I took it that they resented my gifts so stopped giving them. Let ur OH give the pressys.

[blackcat77]

Thank you all for your answers; I'm glad to know that is not just me that feels this way. In other ways the grandchilden are nicely mannered and it is not their fault if they are not brought up to do this.

[bednobs]

pah, i stopped sendng stuff to my nephews when they stopped thanking me ....

[theonlyone]

I stopped sending stuff when there was
no thank you ...thier loss ..my gain ..
sad if they can't be bothererd to write
or ring ...not snobby just manners ...

[Tups]

I'm afraid I'm still reminding my children to thank their grandparents for stuff and they are in their 20's! I even went round to my son's house with my mobile phone and got him to ring my parents on it (I knew he had no credit on his). I do it for my parents' sakes, not for the children's. I brought them up to write thank you notes but it was always a dreadful chore. It's so much easier now for the younger generation with email. When my mother sent my son some money for his birthday last month, she also enclosed a piece of paper, a self-addressed, stamped envelope and a pen!!! He took the hint and wrote her a lovely letter!! She keeps saying she will stop sending money if she doesn't get a thank you but I know she won't do that! Think she should though.

[echokilo]

I agree - just basic manners ..... diappearing fast and very sad. I have a one strike and your out policy ...... don't say thanks in some way for a gift, don't get another one .... one positive .... am savings a fortune .... still sad though nonetheless.

[Joyz]

He.. it would not be nice to receive that kind of word... Anyway, being in proper manner is part of having a good health and wellness attitude.

[Jillius]

We have always sent thank you letters and so do my kids. I never get them in return and it really bugs me. Good manners cost nothing.

[terambulan]

I love Tups rsvp......will try that, SAE with every gift, (knocked off gift price, ofcourse)!

[yogasun]

blackcat77 Snobbish? Just BASIC good manners

I badgered my sons from the time they could write to the present day (they are in their 20's!!) to write 'Thank yous'
Our nephew and niece have never sent a thank you letter in their lives and our niece didn't have the courtesy to acknowledge our wedding present. I used to get hopping mad about it, you don't expect grovelling remarks just a simple thank you to show it had been appreciated.
I suppose it's how you are brought up, I always had to do it but now a lot of parents can't be bothered with the hassle.

[annie0000]

My kids don't send thank-you letters, but they do either say thank you in person or they phone to say thank-you. Would you still consider that rude? We have a large family and it would take them ages to write back to everyone after christmas and birthdays.

[Mairzydotes]

As others of your correspondents, when several pressies had gone with no acknowledgement.. the pressies stopped.
I don't buy gifts to be thanked for them, but I do require at least the courtesy of knowing they have arrived.
If the OH is happy not to be thanked, and, by reflection to be callsed as having no manners fine.
I'm sure he'll enjoy buying gifts for his charming children.. just don't you doit!

[blackcat77]

Thank you all for your interesting answers - no,annie I think that as long as the person is thanked in whatever form that is polite - I wouldn't expect a note if I was seeing someone as i hope that they would thank me then and there I would be happy if we got an email from the grandchildren. And Tups, I was considering the SAE approach myself!

[chazza]

I was always taught to do the same, although nowadays I tend to email or phone instead, I think it's only manners to thank those who have gone to the trouble of buying or sending you something!

[Tups]

Just one more thing: an elderly neighbour was here the other day and said she must go home and write a thank you note to a friend whom she visited the previous day for coffee. Maybe that's OTT but I think it shows it's a generation thing. Maybe people didn't receive as many presents in the 'olden days' so they were that much more special so it was natural to reply. Also, they had more time to reply because they didn't do half the things we do these days. So maybe it's simply a poor reflection of our material world, where everyone seems to expect to receive what they want and even regard it as a right. Most young people seem to think things fall free of charge from the sky! Not sure we can ever turn the tide now. More's the pity.

[tazmac25]

My rule for me and mine is

In person
Gift - no note but thank you in person (of course)
Money/voucher - a little card later to tell them what they bought

By post
Gift - note/card
Money/voucher - note/card to acknowledge and let them know how it was spent

I know its tiresome doing this but recently I asked my mother in law what my brother in laws step monsters (children) had bought with their vouchers for last christmas because they hadnt told us!!!
Admittedly they are little horrors and I expected no less but it did highlight to me how bad it is not to acknowledge gifts

[what..the?]

I think it is a very good idea, i did it as a child and think it is a good skill to teach a child. It teaches them to be adult, improve their handwriting and to be kind and friendly in letter form. It really is an important skill even in the modern world we live in, we have to communicate in other forms that just text chat. However I can't see many poor kids on housing estates writing thank you letters because they either didnt get many gifts or they lack the good motivation and educated background where the parents encourage improvements in their childs development and skills.

I know which path I will decide for my children when I become a mum.