partner working away

[lozzylou]

hi my partner has been offered a great job with great benefits, he will be paid double the amount he is on now and will get his big lorry license and others. the only thing is he will be away 4 nights a week, he will go mon morning and come home fri afternoon. we have got two children ages 2 and 3.
i was just wondering if anyone else had a partner that works away and how they find it, i dont want to stop him doing it as its a good opertunity to give us all a better life, but not sure how i feel about it.

anyone else in the same situation?

[4getmenot]

I think I could manage it if it were just me and him but you have such young children, its going to be really hard

[lozzylou]

i know, my main worry id for the children, but people keep saying that because tehy are so young they will adapt quite quicky, he dont come home from work till 6 30 and tehy are in bed by 7 30 anyway so dont see much of him in the week. money is tight at the mo so days out of a weekend are very limited. by him having this job would mean the children would e able to go alot more places and have more fun at a weekend.
im not 100% on the idea though but i worry he may resent me if i try and stop him

[barney1966]

He seems to be working hard to make a better life for your all so be supportive of him.

You will still have a lot of time to do family things over the weekend and if things don't work out maybe down the line he can change job or once he has his foot in the door make subtle changes to his hours.

Think of all the people in the forces who are away from their families for many months at a time.

GL

[k8bailey]

Hi lozzy! I don't know how I'd feel if this was partner, but my dad used to this when me and my bro were anout 4 &6 I don't remeber really thinking anything of it at that age, but I imagine it was hard for my mum as we lived on top of a mountain so she must've been quite lonely!

I don't think its the kids you've got to worry about so much as yourself, like you said they don't see much of him in the week anyway, but you would never get a break.

Is this a permenant job? What does your partner think about it?

[lozzylou]

hi k8, this will be a permanent job. as for me having a break that dont worry me as my mom is 10 minutes away and my 3 brothers and his brother are all within 20 mins away so the family very often turn up at my door and kidnap the kids for a few hours-which is great!
the things that worry me is knowing that if i need him he could be 100 miles away and if feeling low he wont be there to confort me.
i suppose i will never know unless i let him give it a go, it will give us a lot better life and we will be able to go on day trips without aving to save up for it. i know he is doing it for us and to give the boys more. i suppose im been a bit selfish really arn't i.

[petal54]

had the same wwhen our son was small,baz was 'over'the channel 6+weeks @ time,you'll soon get a routine

[blackcat77]

I would say that although it's not much fun for you, your children are young and it sounds like you have help with the children, it seems like an opportunity not to be missed in this economic climate, It won't be for ever and just think about the money! What does your OH think? Does he want the job?
And also if they are training him for his HGV that is an added bonus. Good luck with whatever you and he decide to do.

[Alacey5]

I was supportive of my fella when he moved to night shifts. The kids were absolutely fine, and it was something he REALLY wanted to do, for "the family" and for his career. I too felt I needed to be supportive and as long as the children were ok, we would manage the situation.

2 years on and the relationship has ended. The kids coped but we didn't. I am by no means saying this will happen to you, but your relationship, famly and happiness is worth so much more than money. I hope you manage to have both - just be careful. xxx

[treborrobert]

well first of all it takes 2 to have children and he is doing his bit buy working hard ... do you not think he will be going threw hell not being with his kids ? and he only wants a better life for them and you ... and why are you botherered ? you have family round you ? some mothers are so selfish !! me me me me all the time .. you only have 2 kids ?? he has to work work work all you do is look after the kids in a nice warm home with tv egc ! .. and before you say i dont understand how hard it is .. i am a one parent who had 3 young boys no family near by and on my own !!! they are 18 and 21 know ... and i loved every bit of it ! ...things will be better for you as the kids will have mum maken all the rules and no dad saying OW ITS OK .. LOL ... well not for 3 days a week anyway .. and you will have your husband 3 times a week .. some only see there partners once a week for 1/2 the money SO ITS NOT THAT BAD AFTER ALL IS IT ?

[k8bailey]

Wow Trebor I think you're overreacting a bit there aren't you?!

"some mothers are so selfish" I don't see what lozzy has said tomake you think that,.She clearly wants whats best for her familly, but that isn't always money, yeah it makes life easier, but being there for your loved ones is so much more important!

and as to" why are you so bothered? you have family round you?" So what! it doesn't matter if she lives in the same street as her entire family or a different country, the issue here is her parter, the man who as you quite rightly said she chose to have kids with. Expecting him to be bringing them up too, not just providing financially for.

I know he'll only be away forpart of the week, but it'll still be hard for all of them, no ones saying it won't be hard for lozzy's partner. He probably shares her concerns!

I think it's great that he has this opportunity, but I don't believe Lozzy is being selfish at all, she's not going to stop him going for this job but is just worried about how it will affect her and her kids. In the same situation I'd be worried too!

It's great that you've got familly close by to help out Lozzy but I bet you and the boys will miss him anyway, thats not being selfish!!

oh one last thing -"he has to work work work all you do is look after the kids in a nice warm home with tv egc !" this really made me laugh!!!! you may be a single parent but did you bring up your children from a very young age (less than 5) on your own? correct me If I'm wrong, but if you did then you would know that having little kids to look after doesnt leave much time for sitting at home watching the telly!!

[Thesilentone]

I can understand your concerns but really things will be ok. My partner was in the Navy only recently coming out due to a medical condition ( much to his disappointment!) however he would go away for 7 month stretches at a time and although it was so very tough, routine sets in and actually absense makes the heart grow fonder really is a statemnet that does ring true!
I think you will be fine honey.
All the very best for your future xx

[supersop60]

My partner is a professional musician and last year he was on tour for about 11 months. This meant he was away 6 days a week and came home late Sat night until early Mon morning. Our children are 8 and 4 so at least they were at school/nursery for some of the day.
We have no close family here so I relied on Childminders to do school drop offs and pick ups when I was working. But, thank God for Working tax credit - it really helped.
It was hard having to do everything myself, and I just kept reminding myself that he was doing it to support us and that he was actually quite lonely and missing us too.
Now he's home, not working so much and that is also stressful .
So - it is possible to manage - don't be afraid to ask for help.(Even going grocery shopping on your own is a luxury!) and look forward to those 3 days when he's at home. Good luck.