Issues with getting married.

[kellogs100]

My partner was great when we got together 2 years ago. He did all the chasing and told me how he loved me more than he'd felt for anyone before and for the first time he wanted to settle down and have kids. This was after 10 years of travelling for him, being with many women.

Shortly after we got together he asked me to marry him. I agreed.

Then about 5 months later we were at his brothers wedding and he was drunk and told me he'd never love me as much as his ex, who I had jealousy issues with.

We stayed together but this stayed on my mind too. I tried many times to bring it up and clear up the issue but he'd just get angry and never took back what he said or told me otherwise.

Then recently I tried again to bring it up. I had to practically force him to tell me he loved me more and he told me I was being childish for wanting him to say it. I don't get how thats childish if telling me he'd never love me like his ex isn't!? It also makes me really doubt whether he meant it because I made him say it and he was so reluctant. He told me that maybe back then he didn't love me as much as her but we've been together so long now and have a child together so of course things are different. Then that just go me thinking even if thats true, when he asked me to marry him he wasn't being honest about how much he loved me.

Now he's still saying he wants to get married but doesn't want to set a date. I keep giving him chances to get out of it if thats what he wants but he doesn't take them. He acts like he loves me but I can't forget what was said or stop wondering why after about 2 years of being engaged he still doesn't want to set a date.

[happyone2]

Wow ! Where do we start...............as i see there are 3 possiblities

1) you are creating a situation from your own insecurities...........
2) he loves you and is sticking by you because he loves you
3) he doesnt love you

you of course are i think convinced its 3), i am convinced its 2) with a bit of 1) in it.......................

but only you can really know.....................

as you get older, the men you meet have all loved other women - either they lost them thru divorce or death and you just have to accept that - arent we all capable of loving more than one person - we love all our children after all..............

he did love his previous girlfriend, why shouldnt he have, he didnt know you then..........................but hes not with her, hes with you and your child which youve had together.

perhaps, his reticense is his worry that you wil keep going on and on about it "do you love me more than her "

does it matter ??

enjoy the love you have together, enjoy your child and stop being jealous OR leave him and find the person who will only have loved you and no one else ( believe t me hat becomes harder the older you get !!!)

good luck xx

[Velvetee]

Simple answer, men are stupid like that and most never really know what they want. I guess he must love you, otherwise perhaps he'd be with this ex of his. Maybe it was just the drink talking, but he should have at least offered you an explanation.

[hippyhoppy]

I think you need andy-hughes - he is the best at giving advice, whether you like it or not - but he's always fair...

[jno]

he doesn't want to set a date, and you do? Well, you can't get married without one. Up to you to decide if this is a deal-breaker. If it was me I'd be a bit doubtful about someone who's still thinking of his ex. (If you feel jealous of her, you may have good reason.) Anywya, how long do you want to wait?

I don't think you should issue an ultimatum - marry me or else - but it's your decision if you want to go on in a relationship you feel isn't going anywhere. (No doubt you'll be thinking of your child too when you decide.)

[Maypole]

I sense something familiarly unpleasant in this, and if Im right it is difficult for you to explain kellog without it all seeming a bit trivial to other people. However, you will know that the inability to make much progress on the ex issue is symptomatic of how you cant get through to him/get him to cooperate, for example on the issue of the wedding day. He pursued you but is now maintaining a distance.

Have a look at this - http://www.wikihow.com/Identify-Being-a-Narcis sistic-Extension
if it looks familiar run for the hills. If not Im sorry and tell him normal people dont have a problem giving their partners what they need to feel emotionally secure, so grow up.