Am I selfish?

[angel21]

I live with a few other people.

Anyway one girl keeps asking to borrow my hair straighteners and I am not assertive enough to say no. I don't mind a couple of times lending them out every now and again but people just seem to keep on and take advantage and I can't say no.

This morning another girl (shes 13) in my house knocked on my bedroom door loudly, (I was alseep) and before I had said come in she opens the door and now she wants to borrow my hair straighteners.

I told myself last time that I would say no next time anyone wanted to borrow them so I'm really annoyed with myself.

They are all really generous people and share everything and stuff so I feel like they'll think I'm being selfish but I'm not its just that everyone has different boundaries.

I am annoyed that she just walked into my room without me saying come in too.

Do you think I should say something later and if so how can I tell her nicely that she needs to wait until I say come in before she comes in and is it wrong of me considering all the others are so generous that I don't want to lend my hair straighteners?

[4getmenot]

maybe walking into room and now knocking is a bit rude, but dont see the harm in lending straighteners especially as you say they always share. If you say something what are you going to say exactly, I think they will just think you are pathetic

[Maypole]

I dont particularly think youre selfish from what youve said in this post.

You should certainly take up with the girl who came straight into your room. Someone will give you some diplomatic words to say no doubt but as thats not my style Id be much more likely to say, "Hey xxxx, shall I set my alarm tomorrow or can I rely on your barging in unannounced again whilst Im still asleep to wake me?"

The issue of the straighteners is more tricky and you will have to judge how much of their stuff you are borrowing and whether it bothers you enough to make an issue out of

[Lakitu]

I don't see the problem with lending straightners either, can you elaborate as to why you don't want to?

[angel21]

I don't want to lend my straighteners because I just get taken advantage of and I don't see why they can't buy their own.

The others always say you can borrow this and that but I always refuse and its only very occasionally I will ever borrow or ask them for anything and I would never keep on and on asking for things, thats why I don't like that they keep on at me.

I will say something later.

Thanks for your answer maypole xx

[Maypole]

It isnt selfishness, if you dont like people borrowing your things and you dont really like borrowing their then there is nothing wrong with that at all.

However, I will give you the heads up - just as 4get did - that you are likely to come up against some irrational reactions as they obviously of a different viewpoint and you may be making yourself the odd one out in the house which is why I asked how much it bothered you.

[angel21]

It bothers me a lot as I feel like they see me as an easy target and a mug so I am going to say something.

Thanks maypole xx

[Maypole]

Good for you, assertiveness is a great skill

[4getmenot]

well thats fine just tell them that but some people would just find that petty if there really isnt any problem with them borrowing them. If they share its hardly as if they are taking advantage of you. They have offered you their things its not their fault you dont accept them. Have you been treated bad in the past that makes you think more about these kind of things? I just think saying they cant borrow it will cause you more probs. Can you not buy them one for xmas? :-)

[4getmenot]

what exactlt are you going to say?

[redcrx]

is this a boarding school? how old are you? is the 13 year old new?

[4getmenot]

Would be a bit different if they were eating your food etc. I doubt they are going round saying 'what a mug she lets me use her straighteners'

[4getmenot]

Oh my god I thought you were taking the pee redcrx saying about a 13yr old. Oh I see now. when you're a bit older you'll see that this is really trivial and childish

[angel21]

4getmenot - why didn't you ask how old I was before assuming and jumping to conclusions and then patronising me that when I am older I will see that this is trivial and childish. I am 21 and this is not trivial and childish to me and I didn't say they will go round accusing me of being a mug, I said I feel like a mug.

All this assuming and patronising will get you in trouble one day

[4getmenot]

you asked are you selfish, no you are not but this is all a bit childish and silly. She's hardly taking advantage she is 13yrs old!! I dont see the problem. you Obviously wanted a different answer to the one I gave hence why you have just agreed with saying something, I think you were going to already. I am not being nasty just telling the truth and don�t see how you can tell a 13yr old that she cant borrow your straighteners anymore. When you think of all the problems other people have to face illnesses, losses etc yes this does seem very trivial to me. Thats my opinion which you asked for you dont need to snap, you seem to take things too much to heart. x

[redcrx]

can i ask again. What is the situation?
how is a 21 year old living in a house with a 13 year old and others?

is it school? is it a family (step sisters or something).

[angel21]

You are assuming again. Just because I am posting about something which is more trivial than other things doesn't mean I haven't suffered loss as well. And I appreciate if you compare the two things the latter is more trivial but I'm not asking you to compare it with something else and tell me if its trivial or not because as it happens this has been going on for a long time so its not so trivial if its getting me down.

I have seen the posts you make and you come across as patronising, stubborn and generally putting people down be it in a subtle way or an obvious way. That is how you come across on here

[4getmenot]

If you cant take an opinion on this site and think it patronising from me be glad you haven�t had many answers on this and run ins with people even more blunt than me :-) I never said you were 13 or jumped to any conclusions but from your post I think when you are a bit older you will realise life�s not all about straighteners and make up :-) Wow I dont know what posts you read but most on here know that I'm realy not :-) You asked I answered, take it like a grown up. Tc

[redcrx]

how come you can have a go at 4geton here and yet cant tell a 13 year old that you dont want her to borrow your straighteners?
Why cant you be as up front with the 13 year old?

btw thanks for the info that i asked, it wouldve been easier to perhaps give a constructive answer if we knew the situation you were in.

[4getmenot]

green, newbie, yet knows me inside and out. Ha ha what a troll. I will leave this post now far more worthy people to help out.

[angel21]

The holier than thou attitude now is not washing