Do you like your parents?

[WiseOldSage]

This is really odd - I was chatting to some friends this morning and admitted that, although I would be upset if anything happened to my parents, I don't actually love them. You should have seen the looks on people's faces - am I wrong to admit that I don't actually even like them as people? Their morals, the way they treat people, etc. Felt like I was some sort of freak but, sadly, that's how I feel - anyone else feel like that?

[ummmm]

I absolutely adored my Dad.

I have no bond with my Mum and don't think I have ever loved her. I don't know why as she was a good mother and treated us well. I just look at her with indifference.

[gina32]

i dont feel like that, my mother died 24 years ago and my dad last year, but i did have a very good relationship with my dad, but i can understand why you dont like your parents, just beause they are your parents doesnt mean you have to love them, its not set in stone is it

[WiseOldSage]

I liken my parents to the "surrogate parents" in Harry Potter with everyone else who came into the household being treated like royalty but with us three girls being treated like the hired help. I left home at 17 (I'm 43 now) and my youngest sister has nothing to do with either of them. My second sister actually told me she couldn't remember one single day of her childhood that was happy.

[barking-mad]

Hi, I understand how you feel. I love my mum but not my father. I too have met with the reaction you've experienced when I admitted I didn't love my father.

I think I loved him when I was a young child but as I entered my teens I came to see that he is a nasty person. He is cold, unloving, cruel, belittles women and actually enjoys hurting people's feelings. He lies and deceives whilst projecting 'a nice guy image' to acquaintances and neighbours. Scratch below the surface though.... :(

So, as hard as it is to admit to others, no, I don't love my father. It has been eroded by years of his unpleasant nature and failure to love me and my sister.

I have little to do with him now and I don't feel guilty about it at all. I'm 46 and he's had all those years to love me but hasn't. We've both lost as a result of it but I think his is the greater loss.

[k8bailey]

Awww WOS, thats sad, esp about your 2nd sister. I totally agree with gina, just because you're related doesn't mean you have to like or love them. I love my mum and brother but I don't like my brother. I care about my dad but I don't love him, I can't forgive him for what he did in the past. His family were making me ill, so I have had nothing to do with them in nearly 10 years (im only 24) and I feel so much better for it!

I think people would like to believe that all families love each other and are happy together.

I believe in urban families - really close friends who will be there for you no matter what. Blood families can take advantage of the blood tie, and expect you to forgive and forget anything just because you're family, but it shouldn't be this way.

So no, I don't think you're a freak for feeling this way, just honest!

[craft1948]

I loved my mother but could never ever stand my father. Even when I was little I figured out that he was nothing but a lying bully. He left my mother when I was 13 and it was like a cloud had been lifted.....

[WiseOldSage]

What makes it worse is that they have just gone through a very difficult divorce (I know, they don't even like each other!) and my sister and I have been drawn into their pettiness too. Their lives seem to be a never ending (what I call) "What about me" Syndrome where nobody else's feelings matter. My mother, in particular, is so bitter about life that she stores information to throw back in people's faces when they cross her. My youngest sister has disowned them both because my mother threatened to destroy her marriage (some tittle tattle of years previous!) to try and get her own way!

[nohorn]

To wise old sage: thank you for bringing that topic up; some of the replys did help me balance my thoughts. Somewhere in the bible it says "honor thy father and mother", well why should we when they are b**** and beyond such as evil. Unfortunately, some are not dad's or moms, they only provided biological material. The saying that you can choose your friends but not your relatives is a good thought. I think there are many many people who feel like you do. Before you can love a parent you have to like them as people.