Why does everything feels pointless - school, uni etc?

[leecamowol]

I'm currently writing this on leave from work to "sort my head out" as I was recently diagnosed HIV+. However that has only fuelled my unhappiness which my employer is unaware of.

I'm finding it hard to understand that my school & uni days were worthless. Firstly, I don't have any great friends from these days. Secondly, despite all my hard work (probably at the expense of great friendships!) has left me 4 years down the line still in a career/job I don't want to be in.

I'll try and briefly recap my life(!). Get good GCSE/A-levels. spend a gap year working (due to being afraid to leave home!), Go to uni studying Law and Mathematics, meet a girl who I end up getting engaged too (eventhough I knew I was gay!), get a 2:2 and need a job ASAP to pay rent in the new house with the girl, start temping in accountancy (despite telling the agent that my ultimate goal is too work in politics), get permanent job, offered and take accountancy trainee scheme job, 2 years later quit job after saying accountancy isn't for me/career change is due (including struggling with the studying) also finally split with girl and find my perfect bloke :), finally leave employer but now jobless (due to a failed attempt to be a teacher - realised I couldn't handle that job), get so desperate for work (and due to the climate, this was only last autumn) have to cave in and accept accountancy temping work, get offered a permanent job in a NHS hospital (April 09) as asst finance mgr, this is the job I'm in now ....:(

I appreciate I am lucky to be in work during these times but 4 years after graduating I am so unhappy still despite (as some people put it) "having the balls" to quit and look for a change - I'm back in finance/accountancy.

[leecamowol]

Luckily I'm with a bloke I adore (and his family, who nearby), in a house (rented still) which I like etc But partly due to his poor wage (as a carer) I can't (and know I would be stupid at this time) to take the plunge and do the career change moment again.

I'm so unhappy and (coupled with my health news) I don't how much longer I can give the employer the impression that I'm happy with the job. It's added pressure being the assistant too (as often I cover for the actual mgr eventhough I feel I don't know what I'm doing - I switched off from accountancy for years now and just tried to get through each day as it came!).

I saw loads of jobs that I would love to swtich careers too in the Guardian on Wednesday but they're all in London. I like the idea of working either local governement, charities etc I am so interested in politics that it made me think well it seems (recently the TV tells me!) 9 out 10 people are switched off by politics and yet I'm watching & reading it all the time so surely there is a job out there for me I would enjoy! Also if the jobs aren't in London they wages are rubbish - because of the setup I've now got in my house and my partners low wage I need to be earn at least �18k (currently on �21k) but unfortunately I'm getting the impression that a career change is going to mean a significant drop in wage while I build up experience etc which I just cannot do :(

So my question is about advice for my job/career ... as that is contributely significantly to my unhappiness but I can't really tell my employer, "yeah I've had bad news about my health but I also feel 100 times worse as I hate this job I'm doing and see no future here for me".

[wolf63]

I have spent the last 20+ years looking for my perfect job and I have decided that it doesn't exist. If you approach your current job with real enthusiasm you will get real reward from it.

Having a chronic health problem won't help - it is bound to have both a mental and physical effect on your well-being.

If your partner makes you happy at least that is something positive in your life.

Try to analyse what it is about your current job that depresses you - can this be changed? You don't have to turn up for work all enthusiastic and cheerful.

Changing careers regularly can be a way for a person to run away from their problems. Instead of facing your demons you start again with a new career and 'reinvent' yourself.

I hope my ramblings help - it is silly o'clock in the morning and I am only up because my cat feels that he may starve if he is not fed every couple of hours.

Susan

[Margaret007]

First of all, HIV is no longer a sure Death Sentence, if you don't like what you do, which I understand. Accountancy is now is so boring to me.

Why don't you turn a negative into a positive, I hate to say it, but because of your HIV status, but also your Uni education you might get into the Social Workplace. This is a huge area, and in most cases you might go home with some job satisfaction. As you are currently working as a bean counter in a hospital, why don't you take the opportunity to get on the NHS website to find out what is available out there.

Would you like to teach? If you really want to change, you are still so young with a lot of life left in you. I know its hard to look to the future, but for your health sake you have to.

You need to be doing something that gives you satisfaction within your working enviroment. Please research what is available, don't be put off if it takes a year�s training. Being skint is not nice, but is also a learning curve and you will come out the other side. (Also you can get a part-time minimum wage to assist your studies). Please don�t give up � Get Positive about your live not just your HIV status.

Good luck and keep me posted.