10 year old daughter woes

[hammerman]

Right...my 10 year old daughter is my absolute world. She's a good kid and i treasure my time with her. But she's one of these kids that constantly needs people around her to make her feel wanted eg her friends.

She gets very friendly with people and forms good bonds with them, then they seem to dump on her from a great height. Her friends seem to use her for when they have no one to play with and are straight round when everyone is out.

Like a fool (or like a 10 year old girl) she asks them in or goes out to play with them.....and as soon as someone else turns up in the park, she's left out again.

I've tried telling her to not bother with these "friends" are they're not really true mates but she won't listen. I've also had to show great restraint from having a go at the kids but ive kept my nose out and let her find out the hard way.

The trouble is, i hate seeing her sad and unhappy. I want them all to get on with each other but all this friendship seems to be one way.

She's at a small primary school at the moment so there's only a few girls to play with but in september, she's off to a fairly big secondary school.

What would you do if it was your child....obviously i don't want to interfere but i hate seeing my daughter so down.

Any advice would be very welcome

Hammerman (dad)

[motomad]

hammer,i know how you feel but it really is just kids.Does your daughter belong to any clubs,it often helps by giving the kids something in common.I know that even if you often invite your childrens friends round they don't always get an invite back but just remember you are doing it for your child.I am sure when she moves school it will be a new beginning and someone there will appreciate a true friend . She will probably be that busy and hardly notice you .Ithink it's all part of growing up and because you care deeply for your daughter and show an interest you notice it when perhaps a less caring parent wouldn't .What a great dad she has.

[dr b]

You're probably better off holding back; trying to protect your kids from learning how to handle friendships, good or bad, on their own doesn't do them any good in the long run. I tried to keep my distance from these things with my girls (now 16 and 20), but also tried to reinforce (subtly, if possible) these beliefs: treat people the way you want to be treated, be fair to everyone, and stand up for yourself if you need to. You can't do much about her "friends" but you can raise her right. And be there with a shoulder if she needs one.

And soon she'll be a teenager...... then the fun really starts!!

[hammerman]

thanks guys. Ive actually just got back from a school residential trip (im a school parent help) and i noticed it first hand...as did the other two teachers (whom im good friends with !!!)

It comes acrossed that she is absolutely obsessed with her friends.....if one goes and talks to someone else, you can see the look of absolute distraught on her face. I had a chat with her about it and told her (recommended to her) to hold back a bit....try to let them come to you but let them down a few times. When they ask her to the park, tell them she's busy or can't be bothered.

Oh the teenage years....thanks for the reminder lol !!!

[Beauj]

Does your daughter have any pets? Or is it possible for her to get one? Maybe if she had, more of her time would be spent looking after it than wasting it with silly friends and it would give her something to love and fuss over - at least a pet gives her a focus for attention.

[Ice.Maiden]

I think motomad's made a good suggestion. Obviously your daughter's nice and friendly, but perhaps a hobby of some sort might give her the confidence to be who she is, rather than chase after friends. A martial arts class could be of benefit, and she'd meet like-minded youngsters. Some of her old pals might want to join as well if they saw that she enjoying something. Could she take ballet/ ice skating/ horse riding up? Also, joining a drama club could be the sort of thing she'd like. After saying all that, she's only 10 year's old. It's natural for her to want to be with friends, so let her find out for herself how people can be, but be there for her if she fels left out a bit. Best of luck.

[wolf63]

My two kiddies meow so I am no expert in parenting skills.

But it is nice that there are fathers out there who actually speak to their daughters. I was about 32 before I had my first conversation with my dad - after my mother died. I found that I really liked him as a person. Alas he went off and died on me too.

My brother, like yourself, is totally besotted by his three children, talks to them and lets them know that he loves them.

Good luck - I will just stick with the cats though. Crazy cat lady has a certain ring to it.