Femal 'needs time'? What do I do/can I do?

[Atrott88]

Very recently I had an argument with a female that I have been very intimate friends with for a really long time. Basically, I began having feelings that overstepped the boundaries of 'friends' and I started to think of her as a potential girlfriend. I admit I became a bit controlling and often worried that she was having more fun with other things and less fun with me.

I know that I was wrong, and I'm not seeking advice on that.

However, we stopped talking on the phone for a while, and after a day or two I messaged her and said:

"I'm really sorry about making ANYTHING a big deal. I can only say that so many times before it just starts to get pathetic, so please understand that I'm sorry. I don't want us to stop talking over such a menial thing, and to be honest I think our friendship is worth way more than just some stupid arguement. REGARDLESS of who's fault it is, I don't want this to change anything, and BELIEVE ME, it hurts me alot more than it hurts you. Just overall know that I had too strong of feelings (feelings that I have not had for many many years), and did not know what to do with them, and I realize that it made me very controlling and made you feel strangled. However, I realize that you don't need that sort of relationship, but rather would just enjoy a regular friendship which is totally good enough for me."

However, further into the conversation she said:

"but i do know that i need time.

i like you a lot
but i need to think."

and later:

"stop apologizing, it doesnt do anything.

just give me time, i think i'll come around."


It has been about 4 or 5 days since that, and I am still waiting for her to call or something. I have been feeling absolutely terrible about the entire thing, and am going through the usual phases of deep

[IWillRule]

I think that yeah, you made a **** up of things because you do realize that once you go past the guy-girl friends stage and one of you realizes that the other one has feelings for you there's no going back. You have two possible outcomes: she decides that she wants to go out with you and you become girlfriend and girlfriend or she doesn't want to talk to you and your friendship is over. It's a hard thing to do but I think you just have to accept that you seem to have lost quite a really good friend although having said that she seems to be thinking about it for rather a long time which means it's probably quite important so that could be quite a positive sign that she might be considering her future with you. I think you might be lucky and this will turn out well but if you ever are in this situation again: think.

[Velvetee]

Just try to relax and hold off from calling or texting. If your friendship means as much to her, as it does you, she'll come around.

Keep yourself busy, so you're not constantly thinking about her or the situation, it will probably right itself in the end.

[pastafreak]

I disagree with IWillRule....If she is really your friend,then you SHOULD be able to tell her about your feelings. Then-you can either move forward or continue as you have been. But if she has any feelings for you as a friend,then she will still value the friendship above what ever other emotions that may be there
If she goes on to reject you as both friend and lover-then maybe she was not the friend you thought she was..
Some of the best and longest lasting relationships will have a strong bond of friendship as their basis.

[jennyjen02]

Whatever you do, please try not to get your hopes up too much that this will develop into anything more than friendship. Have you tried contacting her since? If so, you might be best to lay off. If not, then like Velvetee said you should find something to distract yourself.

It'll work itself out. x

[pastafreak]

I agree jenny...good friends are hard to find..especially those who stay with you thru thick and thin. but at least Atrotte will not be wondering....he has said his peace,,,,,and hopefully still retained his friend.

[jennyjen02]

Let us know what happens!

[factor-fiction]

Has she replied yet?