Police Chief issues long sentence

[Gromit]

Chief Constable Sir Ken Jones. Here is his sentence...

'The promise of reform which the Green Paper heralds holds much for the public and Service alike; local policing, customised to local need with authentic answerability, strengthened accountabilities at force level through reforms to police authorities and HMIC, performance management at the service of localities with targets and plans tailored to local needs, the end of centrally-engineered one size fits all initiatives, an intelligent approach to cutting red tape through redesign of processes and cultures, a renewed emphasis on strategic development so as to better equip our service to meet the amorphous challenges of managing cross force harms, risks and opportunities.'

[sp1814]

Gromit

I've worked in IT for close on 20 years, and am familiar with a number of the phrases used in that 'sentence'.

1. Customised
2. Authentic answerability
3. Accountabilities
4. Performance management
5. Initiatives
6. Redesign of processes
7. Strategic development (one of my favourites)
8. Amorphous challenges
9. Risks and opportunities

It started about 12-15 year ago when management consultants, all of whom seem to have attended the same workshops, started using phrases that normal human beings never use.

I'm normally quite good at translating buzzspeak into English, but I honestly can't with Sir Ken's release. I get physically tired halfway through.

[ludwig]

What a load of old b0ll0x. Does he mean 'the green paper will be good for the both police and the public' ?

[Julnar]

When did it become fashionable to confuse people rather than inform them when writing?

[flip_flop]

Perhaps Sir Ken should be directed to the following website!

http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/

[ludwig]

I'm sure the conversations down at the local nick will be going something like this..

"I like the new boss - I'm glad that he's placing a renewed emphasis on strategic development so as to better equip our service to meet the amorphous challenges of managing cross force harms, risks and opportunities."

"Yes Sarge, It's likely to bring about the end of centrally-engineered one size fits all initiatives, and an intelligent approach to cutting red tape through redesign of processes and cultures."

[squarebear]

lol ^^^

[youngmafbog]

I know what you mean SP, over 25 years myself in IT, I always put it down to the Septics, they love that stuff. And I assume you have lpayed bulls*t Bingo then?

I reckon this is the longest sentence to come out of the Justice system though !!

[Gromit]

flip_flop

a sentence described as �gobbledygook� by the Plain English Campaign.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-119698 7/Inexcusable-gobbledygook--Verdict-102-word-s entence-drafted-police-chiefs.html

[Mr Veritas]

I agree with sp1814 completely!
I read half way down and suddenly lost the will to live!
Just WHO draws up such statements,and more to the point if I had been Sir Ken,
I would have said~
"I can read (or understand) this load of old b@ll@cks!"

[sp1814]

Amorphous challenges irritates me more than any other phrase (apart from "new Adam Sandler film").

It simply means "different problems".

My guess is that people who use this kind of managementspeak are simply trying to cover up the fact that they don't actually do that much.

In many businesses, there seems to be a layer within the management structure whose sole aim is to generate this kind of verbal waste product.

[paraffin]

Yes, but, guys+gals, you've all missed the point completely: this bloke is not a Police Officer. I should know. He's the policing equivalent of Sir Fred the Shred, Mervyn King etc.

Ask yourself these little posers:
1. When did Ken last deal with a member of the public?

2. When was he last on the "front line", i.e. G8/9 riots?

3. When did he last have to wear uniform except when in front of press / cameras / addressing high powered execs etc?

4. When did he last work a shift system?

5. When did he last have his annual leave cancelled?

6. When did he last have to deliver a death message to an unsuspecting wife/husband/mother/father etc ?

No, people like this guy have never been "real" cops. This particular individual has always been far too busy sliming his way up the ladder to cloud cuckoo land instead, "serving" his public in places like Hong Kong, Zimbabwe and the USA, as a high-ranking British Police Officer.

So, just don't get me started!!! Okay???????

[Mr Veritas]

*Breaks open the Valium for paraffin!*

[Androcles]

It seems completely intelligible to me, where a senior officer, having completely and systemically analysed the multi-faceted approaches to the difficulties of modern policing, has been able to define, and flesh out the morphology of a true answer to a series of questions which have defied the taxonomy often applied in these situations; enabling those with a deeper and more philosophical approach, to enable the officer concerned to dissemb le the nature of the problem before expressing it fully to HMIC, in the form of a memorandum which will encourage debate and dialogue with the force and the members of the population at large.

[GEEMAC]

Cheers Androcles, it makes sense now.

[paraffin]

Thanks for that, Mr V, feeling better already...........aaaaahhhhhh........snore, snore..........

[China Doll]

I wonder if there's a special course you have to attend to be able to speak like that?

[Haggisdj]

I work in an IT department for a Local Government and hear the above drivel on a daily basis. My colleagues and I walk out of communication meeting knowing less than when we walked in...

[Quinlad]

There is, China.

Terminological Onanists' Self-Serving Expression-Retarding Studies

Usually just called T.O.S.S.E.R.S.

[Androcles]

Now you too can join the hyperbole!

Just go to : http://www.1728.com/buzzword.htm

and hit the enter button and get acccess to over a million of these expressions. Dumbfound your boss - baffle your colleagues - put down your rivals! Every one a winner!

[China Doll]

Ha! I like that.