Why else would I be here?

[Rubyrose]

I\'m having man trouble as always.... So, as old habits die hard, I have returned to AB for some much needed, but probably much ignored advice!

There is a guy I like and we have been friends for a couple of years. We used to be close, he used to be married blah blah. He has known for a while that I liked him, we fell out for a bit but the other week we went for a drink after work and talked everything through and realised we were still good friends at heart and decided to be that way again. I had written off the fact that anything would ever happen between us and was glad to have him as a friend. Then after lots of alcohol he came back to mine to watch a movie and ended up staying, the movie finished and he started kissing me. It got a bit heated but nothing other than kissing happened. We fell asleep and when we woke up he started kissing me again... Then he left as he had stuff to do, we text a bit for the rest of the weekend, he called me on Sunday then I saw him at work again on Monday. Wasn\'t awkward at all.. Actually felt comfortable.
So as you can guess I became excited at the idea that something could develop and began dropping hints that I\'d like it to happen again... Cutting along story short him and I had a big chat about it and he said he\'s not saying nothing will ever happen but he is not ready just yet. He hasn\'t been single in over 10years and his marriage ended a year ago and he has a son and he just wants time to be a Dad and sort himself out. He said he isn\'t saying we won\'t happen but right now it can\'t.

Is this just a fob off? I said to him I\'m rather he was honest and if he never saw us happening then he just said that instead of saying maybe to make me feel better. He said he isn\'t saying it won\'t but based on how he feels now, he has to say \'never\' because he isn\'t ready for anything, but in 6 months who knows where he will be!
Help!
X

[ummmm]

Personally I would call it a fob off. I think he was probably hoping for a leg over.

[ummmm]

I briefed this question to my boyfriend....he said...yeah yeah tried his luck and didn't get anywhere...Did he say he wasn't ready...

[Rubyrose]

Oh p00!
In the last 2yrs though his marriage ended, he had a kid, had a relationship with someone at work that didn't work, his mum died... No surprise that he wants time to be on his own... but then at the same time.... It feels like a fob off! But we get on great and he knows this and always says how we click. Oh p00!

[tonyav]

Wouldn't you be happy to be just f@ck buddie,s for time being.

[ummmm]

Looks like he's keeping his options open just in case he changes his mind. While he says how much you 'click' he's keeping your interested....

Other than that Ruby...how are you?

[pericat]

If he says nothing can happen now - you have to go by that and go on with your life - it may be a fob off or you may hook up with him in the future if it's mean to be

[Rubyrose]

There is so much more to this story but I don't want to post my whole life on here. He said me and him are in different places at the moment as I've been single for 3years and had fun and am now ready for a relationship and he has just come out of a marriage and has a kid. He is 33 and I'm 25 and he said that it's a lot for me to handle... Which it probably would be but I really like him. We were texting on Wednesday after we'd had our big chat on Tuesday and it started getting serious again and he said 'let's not redo last nights conversation.. at least not yet'... Am I reading too much into this?

[Rubyrose]

Tonyav - I lead with the whole 'Lets just have some fun and see where it leads' thing.. I offered the whole 'casual' package and he said he isn't that sort of person and he knows I'm not either. He said he is a relationship kind of guy and while he doesn't want to be on his own, right now he needs to be. He said if we did 'casual' and one of us became interested in the other person then it could ruin everything. I suppose that's kind of noble of him!....

What annoys me is I was fine! I liked him for two years but wrote off anything ever happening and I was over it.... And then he had to go and kiss me! Grrrr, men!

I'm fine thanks Ummmm. Been really great other than this recent man crisis. Hows life? How's AB been? I see the walls are still the same. X

[Seadragon]

You're saying 'friends' but it sounds like you are the one who wants more? It reads like you are 'chasing' him and he is trying to evaluate where he is and what he wants without making another commitment as yet. He's asked you for 'space', maybe its worth leaving him to it and hopefully when he is 'ready', he will move the 'friendship' forward? Although it was mixed signals to kiss that night and morning. I think the guy needs space?

[ummmm]

I'm fine thanks...very happy :-)

He could be legit as only you know the little details. Also, I don't like going over old conversations so I can see where he's coming from.

Just don't pin your hopes on him xx

[tonyav]

Ruby Rose, Speaking as a man i am pretty sure he will come back to you in a fairly short time, When he realizes what he is missing. I hope things work out for you.

[Rubyrose]

I do want more than friends with him and always have. But as it never looked like it was on the cards and we had a falling out last year I'd 100% realised it was never going to be. Then last Friday opened up a can on worms in my head! He has said he isn't ready so I guess all I can do it leave him be and be friends with him like we had said before the kissing happened. I know I need to get on with my life until the day he turns around and says he wants me but it's easier said than done as I don't believe something like that is a concious desicion. It's something you just do. I'm not going to sit and wait for him but if he ever says he wants me, I shall be there is a heartbeat!
Thanks Tony. God I hope you're right.

I think this conversation did help a little bit actually. Phew. I feel slightly better. X

[ummmm]

I bet he'd want you if you met someone else....

[tonyav]

I think your right there ummmm, I recon he would probably fight tooth an nail to win her back.

[Charisse2]

Give him a bit of space and do not mention getting together again. It sounds as though he does like you but is not ready for a relationship with you.

I would suggest seeing him as a friend and avoiding situations involving alcohol and see if anything develops naturally. He obviously feels comfortable enough to discuss his feelings with you which is a positive sign.

I

[Rubyrose]

That's what everyone is saying but if I met someone and dated them for the sake of making him jealous then he'd see that... People always know. He'd see it in the way I still look at him and talk to him etc. You can always tell when someone has really moved on and when it's for show. Plus if I met someone and dated them and then he thought I'd moved on and he met someone I'd be gutted so that plan would have back fired! It's a risky game. I just have to be honest and if I meet someone and genuinely like them then fine... I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I think the reason he kissed me on Friday and was different with me is probably because he could see I'd got over it all and I kept all feelings for him well hidden. I even kissed some guy in the pub while him and I were out! Bad form I know but we got VERY drunk and then we went to a club and I bumped into loads of guys I knew and he even said to me 'I turned round and you had about 8 guys trying to dance with you'.... In honesty, the night could not have gone better in terms of showing him I wasn't interested and that I was attractive to other men. The problem occured when we kissed and I was suddenly transported back to two years ago when I had the biggest crush on him! X

[Charisse2]

Oops, I meant to finish I wish you luck when the cat jumped on the keypad PMSL!

[Rubyrose]

Thanks Charisse. We have always been open with eachother about feelings. I was there for him when his marriage ended and we'd talk for hours on the phone and he would open up about everything so we have always been able to talk. I've honestly never been able to talk so comfortably with someone about our feelings and such serious issues and still be friends in the morning like it hasn't affected us.

[ummmm]

I don't think you should do it to make him jealous. Just keep your options open and maybe a man you could fall for will come a long. Unless you have your options open you might miss him...