need some advice about what to do now (neighbours 3yr old girl)

[aims1202]

This was my original post
http://www.theanswerb...Question830117-2.html

I don't know what has happened with the social services and the family but since i called i have not heard any shouting from the dad or crying from the little girl. This is great and i am so glad that it seems as though things are better for her. I hadn't actually seen any of them until the other day, i think they were purposely going out and coming in at different times to avoid me. The other day i did see the mum, she didn't look at me at all, i just said hello to the children as usual, then this morning i saw her and she gave me a look that made me feel she was angry and upset with me, i just smiled and said hello to both her and her little girl. I just want to know how i can start to make things a bit better between us as we have to live so close to each other and see each other a lot, plus the children play together and it would be unfair on all of them not to continue that. It would be hard for all of us to never speak again. Should i go round and ask if i can talk to her or maybe write a letter explaining that i only wanted to help her and the girls if they needed it and i wasn't to know if they did. Just that what i heard worried me.Or should i just leave it??

[ummmm]

Does she know it's you that reported them?

[LoftyLottie]

How does she know that it was you that reported it. This would be kept confidential. She is only supposing (rightly) that it was you. Personally, I would let the situation cool and do nothing. Just keep smiling and saying hello. Her anger will subside. It is very raw at the moment. You did the right thing. Don't worry about it.

[daffy654]

Admit nothing,especially in writing!

[LoftyLottie]

Very true Daffy.

[aims1202]

They know its me, i think its pretty obvious its me. I didnt give my name but things i said must have identified me to them, none of our other neighbours have any contact with the girl.

[ummmm]

Doesn't mean they haven't heard anything aims...

Someone phoned the police because my son was having a major hissy fit in the hallway. The police were out in 10 mins. My son was still having his hissy fit when they got here.

My point is...someone else could've reported.

[LoftyLottie]

But don't admit it, either verbally or in writing. They might well know, but you must remain apart from it now for your own good. You have done what you should have done. They are the ones that should be worrying, not you. None of us like doing things like this and there will always be consequences. You may well have lost their friendship, but is that so bad when you consider what might have happened if you had said nothing.

[carron81]

i would'nt say anything. it could make things worse.

for all they know it could be a passer by who walks their dog past their flat every night that reported them

can you contact social services to find out what they said or how they said someone had reported them? i cant imagine they'd say the lady downstairs has been on the phone. they probably would have said that there had been complaints

[brenda]

You did exactly the right thing , and you know that. So just behave normally towards the family and get on with your life.
You have spared a child years of unhappiness and maybe even saved its life.

There could not be a finer thing to do than that.

The parents may think it was you , but so what, admit nothing if you are challenged by them, say nothing to anyone about this, and definitely put nothing in writing.

You are in the right here, and let no one try to put you in the wrong, by funny looks , or not speaking to you.

The bottom line in all this really is --just how important to you is it that the parents speak to you.The child is important here as you have recognised, so get on with your life, and be proud of the action you have taken.
Best of luck . B renda.
P.S Remember you are not the onlyone who can hear things as has been mentioned , and children also can pass things on to there little friends , so forget the whole thing now.

[aims1202]

Thanks for your answers. I havent talked to anyone about this, i would have told my mum by now but she has been away, she's back now and i really feel the need to talk to her about it.
I guess others could have done it, it was just because they asked me on the phone how she seemed to me, if i thought she was well cared for and how did i see them treating her. I said she seemed nervous but that i had never seen anything bad, it was only what i had heard through the walls. Now i think i really shouldnt have answered these questions as that might be what identifies me. She is round ours a lot and no-one else around here has any contact with her. I just thought that it would be better to clear the air and be honest, that they would appreciate that, but i will leave it a while and see what happens. Thanks again.

[Mr Veritas]

You have done the righ thing.
PLease now don't screw it up (for you and the other family) by admitting it was you.
You minght think they "know" it's you,but that's no reason to admit it.
You sound (to me) as if you are feeling guilty about what you have done,and want to "confess" this will do NO good,it could even make the situation worse.
Please,just go on as if nothing had happened,and I am sure the Mother will calm down and become relaxed (with you) again.
As Lottie (so rightly) says,the Mother is angry at the moent ,probably with everyone,but when she eventuall cools down you will be there for her,and more importantly the little girl.
It does take guts to report such things,I think that you should be proud of yourself for being so courageous,and NOT feel at all guilty!

[karenmac60]

You may just be paranoid because you feel guilty. The mother might not have been giving you a look - maybe she was just preoccupied and worrying about things. Social services wouldn't have given specifics about the complaint and the girl could've told a nursery teacher or playgroup leader about what was going on. Just carry on as normal and things will calm down. You don't have any reason to admit to being the one who reported it, and if you think the father may be a violent person then it's really the last thing you want to do - do you really want him turning all that anger on to you? Even if the parents blank you, still speak to the kids - at least they'll know there is someone nearby they can count on if things get bad again. Well done for doing the right thing, just keep your chin up now and remember why you did it in the first place.

[coccinelle]

You could have had a member of your family or a friend at your house who heard all this crying etc and they could have reported it. If it's obvious that the Mum is reacting differently to you you could always ask her if there's a problem. Either she mentions the reporting which you can feign ignorance to or she won't say anything but might start to wonder that it wasn't you.
What you did was right, pity more people didn't turn blind eyes on this kind of thing.

[hannah40]

when my neighbour reported us to social services about our baby crying at night time and waking her up,they sent a letter which said a neighbour had complained it didnt say which neighbour,they asked the health visitor who assured them all was well and babies do cry.I worked out what neighbour it was that complained and i dont talk to her and i dont think i ever will again.If i had been in the wrong and left my children to scream and cry all night or gone out for an evening and left them alone then the complaint would have been justifiable ,

[Canary42]

Of course the mother's angry - she's been through a traumatic experience. But that's NOT YOUR FAULT, it's hers or/and her husband's. She will find it very difficult to get friendly again, but any "confession" from you would be disastrous. You did absolutely the right thing, and there was bound to be some fallout - you will I'm afraid have to let time do the healing - and it may be a very long time. Just continue as you are and try not to keep beating yourself up about it.

[suzie1]

why are you feeling guilty about reporting them......is it better to report them before they killed the poor darling or when its too late. you did the right thing and i hope you would do it again if you saw the child in the same situation or any other child. please dont feel guilty, ur a good caring person and you did the best thing, u say they are quiter now, thats gud and its down to you and i bet the little girl appreciates that. chin up and be brave and dont be ashamed and guilty about reporting them, look the woman in the eye and make her feel ashamed for what she let her child go through...she doesnt deserve kids if she cant protect them and he doesnt deserve them either....people like that should rot in hell.