Am I best out of this relationship?

[cherrybakewell]

Been dating a man for a few months. He was very "full on" from the start. Things started to get awkward, ie if I didnt contantly show him I loved him all the time, If I had my mobile with me (its a habit) if I went on the internet while he was around. One minute he loved me, next he would shout at me, and leave. I told him I could not be in a relationship like this, so he was then very verbally abusive. Now I feel bad, and wonder if it was all my fault. He knows I have self esteem issues. Part of me knows I have done the right thing, as he was very scary at times to me. But I still am now, blaming myself.

[ummmm]

He's acting like that after a few months? Stay well away,,,,

[cherrybakewell]

thanks ummmm, he's just made me feel bad about myself, with the stuff he texted

[karenmac60]

He knows you have self esteem issues and he's used them to control you. You are far better off without him. The next thing he would've been doing would be stopping you seeing family and friends, making you totally dependant on him and putting you down whenever things didn't go his way (you are already wondering if it was all your fault - I wonder what put that idea in his head). It's a classic abusive relationship, where one partner is insecure and possessive and so uses mind games to manipulate the other party. No one should have to put up with that in a relationship. You should be equal partners who are together because you want to be and because you enjoy spending time together, and you can find a relationship like that without settling for abuse. Good luck to you x

[Jan1957]

Sounds very possessive to me. Think you're best out of it.

[ummmm]

As Karen says.....

Never make do. You know deep down that it's his problem and not yours. If you stay with him you'll just be wasting your life and maybe denying yourself the chance of meeting someone who will treat you well.

[cherrybakewell]

Thank you karen for replying. You've summed the situation up pretty well. I had told him I had low self esteem, so that is my fault for saying too much, so he is now using that with his nastiness. My fault for being too honest as usual. Thanks for your good wishes x

[ummmm]

Have you had 'good' relationships? Or is your low self esteem down to being treated badly by men?

[cherrybakewell]

yes Jan, very possessive. I just needed someone elses view on this really. Thankyou for replying

[cherrybakewell]

ummmm, I've not had that many relationships really, as was married, then in a long term relationship. Had not dated for a while until I met this man. I dont think my self esteem has been an issue re relationships, but maybe it has, and i was unaware of it... My problem is telling this person I have low self esteem. Always being too honest for my own good

[cherrybakewell]

thanks NK,, good to hear a mans point of view.

[ummmm]

You should be able to be honest. A decent man would try and help you overcome that by treating you very well. My BF knows every insecurity I have and accommodates them.

[karenmac60]

Being honest isn't always a bad thing. If it's someone you can trust who will not take advantage of what you tell them then it can be a very good thing. The right person will come along and you will be able to trust them, and your self esteem will come along in leaps and bounds.

[cherrybakewell]

you're right ummm, This man didnt, and because I told him I could not see him, because of his bizarre behaviour (lovely one minute, shouting in my face the next) he remembered one thing I was very sensitive about (something he said he never noticed whilst we were together) then sent me really nasty texts focussing totally on what I had mentioned to him. Made me feel awful

[ummmm]

That's crazy NOK.....why do women put up with it? Or men for that matter?

Cherry....don't read any texts. Just delete them.

[cherrybakewell]

NK, he had never stopped me going out, but if I refused to see him during week, due to work or family, it was a full scale "discussion" on phone. I had to be there to see him whenever he wanted. It was quite tiring, and I guess now, I am well out of it.

Thank you again Ummm and Karen

[cherrybakewell]

Have blocked him Ummmm

[ummmm]

I was going to correct you NOK but then I looked at the time.

Cherry....he might not mind you going out....for now. It will get worse if you stay with him.