Talk about a back handed compliment.....

[Zammo]

I can’t believe I still get down about this seeing as things have finished with my ex. We’d been seeing each other and everything was really good. The night he asked me out was awesome even though he gave me the biggest back handed compliment. This is what I get upset about. He was saying that he couldn’t quite understand how he felt about me because I’m not the kind of girl he would normally go for. I asked what he meant. He said his girlfriends in the past were skinny and blonde – I think only one of them was. I have dark hair, curvy and have boobs! I then said so you think I’m fat and ugly then? And he said “nope, this is coming out wrong – in fact I fancy you more than any of my past girlfriends” and then asked me to be his girlfriend but I still can’t stop getting down about the lead up to be asked out. Please help!

[redcrx]

hes your ex now though?

[squarebear]

If he is your ex, why are you worried about what he thinks?

[B00]

Nowt to help with is there?

He's an ex, stop thinking about it,move on and find someone who won't put their foot in their mouth by coming out with such a gaffe.

[Zammo]

Yeah it shouldn't get to me but it does. :-( I wish it didn't but I must still like him. I know we'll never get back together because he went back to his ex (his childhood) sweetheart. So not only am I thinking about his back handed compliment, I'm constantly comparing myself to her...argh! hate it.

[ummmm]

It wasn't a backhanded compliment. It was a badly worded compliment...

You need to bag yourself a new man to take your mind off things...

[Ankou]

telling a new girlfriend that she is different to all the others is better than saying she is just like all the others before (that finished).

not really sure what else to say.

[piggynose]

even if he called you pig ugly you´d still like him. words are not that important, really.
anyway get over him, ITS OVER!!

[jd_1984]

I remember my ex asking me what my former girlfriends had been like ( why some women need to know I dont know..!) Now my ex was a curvy brunette and my former GF's had been blonde and slim, I gave an honest response and she got upset saying "Oh so I am not your type then am I?"
Firstly I didnt have a type, I only enter in to a relationship if we connect on a mental level and it was just coincidence that my last couple of GF's had been slim blondes. But this kept coming up weeks and months later, I wouldnt say it ruined the relationship but it was a factor in the eventual demise of our time together.

Trust me - he didnt mean to offend you, I know this for a fact!!

[Zammo]

Thank you for cheering me up and making me take a bit of a reality check. x

[rowanwitch]

Zammo i think the problem might be more in how you see yourself...you were the one who attached fat and ugly to the conversation...and remember he said skinny and blonde not slim and blonde which implies he wasn't as taken with that look as it might have felt... you sound lovely don't use unkind descriptions for yourself even in situations like this Sounds like he is finally working out what he does like...i'd give hime a chance to make it up to you if he's ok in other ways

[bednobs]

if you are not blonde or skinny, i don't see what the problem is

[brenda]

Get a bit of a grip on yourself , he's an ex so why worry. You are probably more than attractive , so get out there and strut your stuff.

[Leapers]

My boyfriend now is exactly the same he says things which are supposed to be a compliment and come out like a massive insult to me so i have just learnt to try and filter out what he is trying to say!
Once i was in a very jealous mood and he was flicking through photos of his school friends and a couple had past girlfriends in them and i said....oh all your girlfriends were really pretty.....he said yeah i always used to have pretty girlfriends but not so much anymore!
i didnt really know how to take that!

[joko]

some blokes think they have a type...they get sort of stuck in a rut by automatically singling out girls that fit their type, and ignore others (the type is possibly like a celeb they like or first girlfriend, or just a stereotype)

i know a guy who used to only go for blond an skinny...and now hes obsessed with fat black girls...he even admitted before he wouldnt have looked twice before he tried it...

i know other guys who have had this too.
i too have certain types i wont look twice at, but im fully aware that one day its possible i may end up spending time with one of them an falling for him...who knows

at leats this guy was being honest with you even though he messed it up...