I am gutted, I have found out to my cost my handsome dear hubby has been having a

[alinic]

txt affair for the past 3mths, we are around 44ish and been married for about 23 yrs, not in a good place at the moment, friend was supposed to come and chat with me tonight but she has had a smash in her car, but thank the lord shes okay. I have help friends thro their break up, but what happens when its you! Cant believe in the click of a switch your life changes in an instant! Dont know what I am asking here tonight, but haven't cried yet! my emotions are all over the place.
I have posted on here on and off for a few years, but this has been the hardest to post
A

[anneasquith]

alinic. dont worry about posting. no one knows each other " or most of us dont "

[arwyn]

You need to talk to Him, it might be nothing.

[askyourgran]

Is it just a text affair? Have you discussed things with him yet. Get to the bottom of it with him. It looks like a male menopause thing to me, they seem to go crzy about that age,

[tamborine]

23y is too much history to walk away from. Hold onto him thru your pain and maybe you can both put this behind you.

[Hopkirk]

If all he has been doing is texting someone, then you might be over reacting.

[4getmenot]

depends what the txts are. Sorry but if my bloke was txting sexual or explicit messages to someone it would be as bad as an affair to me with how close we are and i would lose all trust i have in him. You need to talk to him and first question should be why. I could forgive txts but he would need to regain my trust but would never forgive an affair thats the only difference.

[China Doll]

If I found out the man hostage had been swapping sweet nothings with someone else via text, I'd be very miffed. It may not be a full affair but it's still a betrayal of trust, I would be very upset too.

Try not to make any important decisions right now alinic. Just allow yourself to feel sad and go through the emotions etc... it may well be a salavagable situation but I don't blame you for being upset or angry.

[Jemisa]

Quite a few celebrities have been caught out having "text affairs' grubby text too, it seems to turn 'em on. remember Vernon Kay & Kat Deely's marriage was in Question because he'd been caught out doing this? Things seem ok now.

Give it time, wait for the dust to settle weigh up your pro's and cons.
Don't be too hasty.

Good Luck.

jem

[happyone2]

Much as it isnt pleasant to know that hubby has been exchanging texts with someone else, i believe it is an indication that he not completely happy with the situation at home, wants to discuss it but doesnt know how or perhaps isnt really fully aware of why he is not so happy as he once was.

By texting , its naughty but non risky it doesnt mean having to get involved physically with another person or be unfaithful.....................its a cry for communication between you, not a "get out of it" scenario.....

i truly believe that you should not take the moral high ground and end what appears to have been a good long lasting marriage........................but to acknowledge that perhaps things have slipped, adjustments need to be made on BOTH sides and use this experience to talk about how your lives can be enhanced together, going forward, a little more alert , a little more wary but perhaps also a littel more aware that all marriages can get a bit, well boring ???

Good luck

[maggie01]

My husband was 60 when that happened to me. Unfortunately we are now divorced and he is still having a mid life crisis.

A text affair is also known as an emotional affair. and that is still not acceptable.

If he is having a mid life crisis, then you are in for a rough ride as nothing you say will make the slightest difference to him.

We were married 40yrs so I really do know how you feel. xxx

[icemaiden]

What a terrible shock for you alinic.

Whichever way you look at it it's deceitful. 23 years is a heck of a long time, the obvious thing you need to do first is talk to him then take it from there.
Keep us all updated if you can.

[mccfluff]

sorry to hear this alinic, its not nice i know how you feel :-(. you do need to talk to him about it, erm how did you find out though?

[buffymad]

That's how all my trouble started! Its horrible and its making you upset so yes, speak to him about it. But as happyone2 said, you need to look at both sides - see if anything has slipped, if you've both let things go stale, stopped trying etc (I can say this now having gone through it and come out the other side!). Good luck x

[Ankou]

my wife did this to me last year. she enjoyed the attention and flattery.

you need to discuss it openly.

[cazzz1975]

you need to talk, frankly and openly about what is wrong and what has brought this about.

[craft1948]

I'd text her back using his phone............

[Cowtipper]

A few years ago I asked my wife if I could have an internet girlfriend(In World of Warcraft). She said she didn't care as long as I didn't cyber and never met her in person. It was fun being flirty but it started to get more like a real relationship as we chatted more and spent a considerable amount of time playing together. Eventually we both decided that it was best to stop. A relationship can go anywhere and I could have pursued the girl in real life. I would never leave my wife for that girl but had I wanted to leave my wife for her it would have been simple. My wife was quite specific in what was acceptable or not and I respected those boundaries. A text affair in itself isn't dangerous; its the relationship that might develop in my opinion.

My wife has a very dear (male) friend and she texts with him all the time. I picked up her phone once and I saw a "luv you" on it. I don't remember which one wrote it now but I just told her I thought it was a little over the top. She was quite frank in telling me that's just the way they are but she wouldn't do it again if it bothered me. I didn't tell her to stop and I don't check her texts so I don't know if she did or not.