my wife has changed since having baby 3 yrs ago..

[goldenbolls]

we have hit a wall now, we cant even look at each other sometimes, she is moody and grumpy and i think she has had or is now depressed or maybe im thinking she just doesnt want to be with me i just dont know, i have been sleeping in the single bed now for around 7 mths ( not good ) my sister took the child last week to hers to stay leaving me and my wife alone, i asked did she want to go to a bar or resturaunt or something and she didnt want to go , instead she just sat watched tv and done some knitting, shes 33 i am 43, now ive taken to watching porn and cant stop it. i dont play around but do go onto dating sites, i think its just for the attention as when it comes down to meeting a woman i dont go through with it, i love my wife and my baby dearly i just want things to be back to the way they were 5 years ago, she used to be funny and allways singing etc, i was allways outgoing also but now my confidence and self esteem is low. i dont want to break up , if i lost my child i would probably want to end it all as i went through a very bad divorce 11 yrs ago and lost my child then too , that time really broke my heart and i cannot take it again. its a pity that so many relationships turn out this way especially when there is children involved. my wife is especially moody once a mth for around 5 days during her period, she has a vile temper also .

[sara3]

perhaps she knows you're using dating sites? you don't consider this to be "playing around" but it is.

[jno]

she's got someone else to look after now. Do you take on half the work of childrearing or is it mostly on her shoulders? This sounds like a suitable case for therapy.

[boxtops]

I really would advocate that you sit down and talk with her about this - and then go and see an independent organisation like Relate.
A baby brings huge changes and responsibilities to a woman, and if she is doing all the work while you troll around on dating sites and watching porn, how do you think that makes her feel? Worthless, that's how - the father of her child prefers cyber-sex to her. She can't help how she feels during her period, many women have a vile time about that time.
You have to make the effort - this isn't about you, it's about your wife. Make her feel loved, spoil her, help her. Move back into your bed if she agrees - no sex, just cuddles. I wouldn't want to be with a bloke who spends his time the way you do. Stop the porn, delete the link to the dating sites. Be responsible, your self-esteem will return.

[rowanwitch]

And she may also be suffering from depression... part of working the problem out may be she needs to see her GP to eliminate this. If she has really bad PMs there are some things she can do to help too....

[TonyV]

Morning David

[goldenbolls]

boxtops and tesco, since the baby i have given or tried to give my wife everything, i do spoil her and still do, the money we used to have is all gone on her!!! i take my kid to the park on good days and do different things with her, the relationship as i say went downhill after baby was born. men need to feel wanted to and maybe that is my way of feeling it to go onto dating sites and watching porn , im nt some kind of dirty old man who has been cheating on his wife i only started it when she started shrugging me off ..

any men out there feel the way i do ?

for god sake im going to start getting attacked by the womans lib now

[sara3]

Sqad will come along to comfort you. be patient!

[Sqad]

Don't I know you?
The story AND the replies are well used and predictable.

[pink-kittens]

maybe she objects to this
http://www.theanswerb.../Question1021912.html
Your ex wife can sort her own insurances out

or the fatc you are an alcoholic?
http://www.theanswerb.../Question1020274.html

just a thought

[pink-kittens]

and watching porn is one thing, dating web siotes something else
Maybe the porn watching is making your wife feel insecure, unloved, old, fat, ugly - what would you feel like if SHE was looking at dating web sites?

[goldenbolls]

he we go , ok squad how would you know me, names please ? im a troll now For Funks Sake

[cathfromsaron]

sounds like exhaustion and/or post natal depression. but when you had time alone its was a shame you didn't make a cosy meal/bubble bath etc instead of trying to get her to go out. she probably feels like hell. the dating sites and porn should stop if you really want to save you marriage.

[Sqad]

goldenballs Oi! Oi! nobody has called a a troll and as for my comments......well............your posting does seem rather familiar in context.
Your are wasting your time here mate, as you will almost always get female replies and even then,females who have failed to cope with the inevitable downside of marriage and either re-married with varying results of success or still "single2 desperate and dare I say this......trawling the dating agencies.

Good luck

[samak]

Are you sure she's not having an affair?

[sara3]

you see? us single women are failures, LOL LOL!

[goldenbolls]

it has crossed my mind that shes having an affair, its obviously crossed my mind that she does not love me, i am being honest here in saying that ive tried everything, gave her everything, i would leave if it were not for my baby. i just cannot leave my child.

do married woman watch porn alone behind their husbands backs when the marriage is going through a bad patch or is it just men ? doctor gave her anti depressents twice in last year, she takes them for a week then they are left at the back of the cupboard.

[samak]

So she's been diagnosed as depressed and doesn't bother taking her pills. Seems she isn't doing much to help this problem. I'm afraid you're stuck with a termagant who is taking advantage of you. Doing everything for her doesn't seem to help either. Why not stop doing that? Until she starts acting like a normal human being?

[samak]

"i have been sleeping in the single bed now for around 7 mths"

I would be looking at porn and dating sites as well after that so I don't think you need to feel guilty about that, as long as you aren't communicating with anyone on those sites.
An escape to fantasy is completely understandable IMO.

[goldenbolls]

i feel guilty yes of course i do, i feel discusting, what would my daughter think if she knew i was doing that sort of thing, i know its not right but its natural for men and " woman " as for the dating sites i get attention from woman who comment on my looks etc and want to meet up , ive had woman leave phone numbers but i have never once went to meet them.

[samak]

As Boxtops said earlier, have you suggested or thought about going to see an independent organisation like Relate?