My son being told not to play with an older child at school?..

[Jenarry]

My son is 5 yrs old and whilst he was towards the end of his reception class at school he become friends with a lad who was around a yr or so older than him from another class. Playing games at break times etc which all sounded harmless to me.
Then a teaching assistant mentioned it to me that one break time my son was going to find his friend charlie to play with and she thought it was strange.
i thought this was just a passing comment then a few days later my son told me that he had been told not to play with charlie as he was older and he should play with children from his own class.
I thought this was a bit unnecessary but as it was just prior to summer holidays i didn't have a chance to check into it.
But now my son has now gone up to class 1 and because his school is a smaller primary school the classes get mixed up so a couple of his friends are still in the reception class and now he thinks he can't mix with them as they are now in a different class.
Can anyone with experience of working with children this age give me some insight into the thinking on this especially with regards the initial playing with the older lad.would the thinking be that it wasn't beneficial to him to play with a 5 yr old maybe?... I am going to ask at a parents evening next week but just wanted some views too.

[Mamyalynne]

I would definitely query why this is, does not sound right at all. The whole thing about school is being in a place with many others of all different ages and backgrounds as well, it teaches them about the larger community.

[ummmm]

Same thing happened with my son when he was in reception. I think it's to help them interact better with children in their class.

[Mamyalynne]

New one on me but all my younger Mums have retired for the night, still worth asking.

[Jenarry]

That was my thinking mamyalynne. if they were enjoying each others company (and the older child was still playing with friends from his class too) i couldn't see the harm in it. I have noticed my son does seem to be happier interacting with the adults at the school and some of the older children and this just seems to be telling him he can't do this and confusing him especially as the school's system is to have mixed age groups in every classroom anyway. :O(

[vulcan]

What on earth is wrong with a child playing with another slightly older ? My wife was a teacher and took courses on psychology. She understood that children need to mix with other children of different sex, backgrounds, ages and dare I mention it, colour, it's all part of growing up. Teaching assistants are not there to decide who plays with whom but as the name suggests, assist the teacher.

[joko]

its this kind of idiocy that gives people 'issues' in later life...

[Jenarry]

Again my thoughts exactly. My instincts say that there was no harm in it at all but I have not said anything as I'm not an expert in childcare.
But after a concerning chat with my son at bedtime this evening about who he has been playing with since he's been back at school I can see he is getting confused and feels children older and even his own age are 'out of bounds' for him because they're not in his class including a couple of friends from his reception yr. :O(

[Andyvon]

Hi Jenarry,

I'm 49 and no expert with children as I don't have any. However, I recognise something of myself in what you are relating. I always associated with older children and adults when I was younger. I never felt comfortable with children of my own age and that was the case right through to adulthood.

Perhaps your son is a little more intelligent and mature than others his age and he prefers the stimulus of older friends. That was what they said about me. I was alwasy left alone with it and I would be concerned if the school is trying to mould your son to their agenda. He should be allowed to find and choose those friends he's comfortable with.

[Jenarry]

Thanks andyvon. I will definitely be bringing this up at parent's evening next week. you would think that any interaction or connections with any other children during reception year or otherwise would be encouraged. I'm now thinking that the teaching assistant was mistaken on this and it isn't school policy . the assistant used to help out occasionally in the reception class but is mainly in my son's classroom now so i'll need to address this.

[albaqwerty]

You say you are not an expert, yes you are. You are a mother. Go with your gut instinct.

[chelle7272]

well said alba :)

I agree with others, I'd be encouraging him to mix not telling him not to! Definitely speak to the school about it.

[pink-kittens]

Whilst I would never consider myself an expert I have a lvl 2 in EYFS and a lvl 2 Playwork working towards my lvl 3 (It is the play work that comes into play here)

I help run an after school club for children aged 4 - 11. We actively encourage the younger children to join in with the older one's games and play. what they are telling you at your son's school is rubbish.

If they want to encourage them to interact with the children in their class then they have umpteen hours in the classroom to do that.

Playtime is just that, playtime, where the children get to choose what they want to do and who they want to do it with. Being a playworker and doing the courses set out for you as a playwork certainly opens your eyes into why this should happen and why it is so important for children to choose their own friends and not have them dictated to by parents or teachers.

However, there *could* be issues with the other child that you may not be being told for reasons of 'need to know' But being fobbed off like you are is wrong. There has to be reasons and interacting with children in their class is not a reason

[Ankou]

perhaps it is not the child, just the amount of time they play together as two rather than intermingling with other children of all ages/classes.

i would challenge why he has been told this, it might just have been encouragement to make friends at playtime in his own year group and you have taken it the wrong way.

its always worth asking.

[I.Don No]

I am a dinner lady....the type that hover in the playground, not the kitchen....and we positively encourage the children to play with all other age groups. I work in an all through primary school, so ages 4-11, and with each new reception intake each child is assigned a year 6 buddy to help them settle in and these friendships can be a joy to behold.

All our children seem to readily mix with each other's age groups and that causes us no extra problems.

[cathfromsaron]

i would arrange plenty of opportunities to play outside school and let the thought police do what they can in school time.

[lorri24601]

There may be as someone else has suggested a problem not with the childs age, but a problem with the child themself that you are unaware of. When my daughter changed from infant to junior school only 3 children from her year were going to the same school as her,2 from her class 1 from the other. I was very suprised when we went for the taster day at the new school to find that she had been put in a class with the child from the other class,someone she did not know, rather than the one she did.The next morning when i dropped her off at school her teacher took me to one side and said, i can`t say why, but i hope it will become clear very soon why i made the dessision to request they be placed in seperate classes, and asked me to trust her judgement. I did, and sure enough within a couple of weeks at the new school the other child was disrupting the class she was in and constantly blaming the children around her for the damage and trouble she herself was causing. Turned out she was quite an accomplished liar and a little light fingered with it,very sad as at that age it must of been learnt form home :-( but even so, even though i know its a selfish attitude i was glad that the teacher had acted as she did, at that age my daughter was quite shy and easily led, and i think the teacher had her best intrests at heart. Your may find there is a reason your sons teaching assistant is doing the same, normally like others have said, it would seem strange to stop them playing together just because of the class they are in.

[Jenarry]

I have wondered about that myself lorrie but I've met charlie in the playground and he seems very bright and not a 'problem' child at all . It does all seem to stem from the one reaction from the teaching assistant . nothing had been made of it until she made a comment about it.

[Kassee]

I have worked with children most of my life - and worked as a TA in various schools - and just wondered if possibly the older child may have been a bad influence on the younger child. Some children even at primary school, can be badly behaved, bully other children, throw stones etc etc. and some very innocent children can be led astray.

But you definitely need to ask at the school, either teacher or head teacher.

Years ago, I had a best friend, we were inseparable, all through school. At about the age of 8, our head teacher continually tried to split us up, telling us not to play together, making us walk home different ways from school. My parents never questioned it and till this very day - I still never really understood why this was, or what was his line of thought was at all. Mad !

[daffy654]

I wish we had a 'like' button on AB because I would definitely have used it on all of these answers, especially Pink Kittens'.

I can't see why this person has forbidden this friendship, young children play with others of different ages all the time, especially when they have siblings at home. Are we to forbid our own children from playing with each other now?

[pink-kittens]

thanks daffy =)

Jenarry, when is parent's evening? Please come back and let us know what they say