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Australian Bush Poetry.

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wildwood | 23:12 Fri 16th Dec 2011 | Jokes
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The warmth and heart wrenching simplicity of Australian bush poetry can bring a tear to the eye.

We are blessed in this country to have such an abundant wealth of talented story tellers through whom future generations can learn of our history and 21st century lifestyle.

Here is a classical example: A Poem About Tomatoes...

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I know a someone whose name is Jim,

and I just love throwing tomatoes at him,

Tomatoes are soft & don't hurt the skin,

but these buggers do, cos they're still in the tin!
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Banjo Patterson?
Was this the condensed version
hee hee lol. I like it.
Well what do you expect from a nation where 'foreplay' is defined as saying "Brace Yerself Sheila and Look Cheerful" ... ;)
Not quite sure what this has to do with Aussieland but my brother is called Jim so I will be sending this to him as it made me laugh.
Question Author
Yes weecalf. I am not very PC but that would have been unsuitable on a public forum.
Today I saw a crocodile,
It sat and stared at me!
I didn't run, I didn't shriek,
In case I was his tea!

No move I saw the snapper make,
His jaws remained tight shut.
Whilst sweat poured down my forehead,
I heard rumbles from his gut!

I've been in worse predicaments,
But only in my head.
Like wrestling with big brown bears,
And monsters from our shed!

But feeling brave I shuffled close,
To see his scary jaws.
The crocodile was not impressed,
And flexed his giant claws!

The beast prepared to eat me up,
He snapped, he snarled, he blew!
But I just stood and tapped the glass,
'Cause this croc is in the Sydney zoo!
I sent your Aussie joke to my brother Jim and he said someone told him this about 50yrs ago with this version;

I know a young fellow called Jim
The crowd threw tomatoes at him
Tomatoes can't hurt me said Jim with a grin
But these buggars did - they were still in the tin !!!
lol


An Australian Love Poem.


Of course I love ya darlin
You’re a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you’re gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don’t mind a bit of flab
It means that when I’m ready
There’s somethin there to grab

So your belly isn’t flat no more
I tell ya, I don’t care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
Yurs just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I’m tellin’ ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you’ve got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna’s grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter what u look like
I’ll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footballs’ on
And fetch another beer.
marval that is definately an Aussie Love Poem. Think I will send that to my pen pal in Aussieland.
yes it is, I liked it missprim
The sun was hot already – it was only 8 o’clock
The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs,
The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams.

He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank.
“Typical bloody sheep,” he thought, “they’ve got no common sense,
“They won’t go through a gateway but they’ll jump a bloody fence.”

The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt
She’d stay there ’til she carked it if he didn’t get her out.
But when he reached the water’s edge, the startled ewe broke free
And in her haste to get away, began a swimming spree.

He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down
If he didn’t rescue her, the stupid sod would drown.
Her style was unimpressive, her survival chances slim
He saw no other option, he would have to take a swim.

He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
And as he couldn’t stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks.
He jumped into the water and away that cocky swam
He caught up with her, somewhere near the middle of the dam

The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn’t get a grip.
At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath
She showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.

She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side
He swore next time he caught that ewe he’d hang her bloody hide.
Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed
He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.

The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away
He didn’t really think he’d get fresh scones for morning tea
But nor was he prepared for what he was about to see.

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe.
And on her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch
The farmer yelling wildly “Come back here, you lousy bitch!”

The stock rep didn’t hang around, he took off in his car
The cocky’s reputation has been damaged near and far
So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!
marvel I started to titter before I got to the end as I had a fair idea what was coming.Another one winging it's way to Australia,thanks :-)
Glad it made you laugh
Question Author
Ha ha ha, that was marvellous marval!

I rest my case, Aussie bush poetry is tops, eh?

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