Scots funnies

[Slapshot]

A woman walks into a baker's and asks: "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?" The baker replies:"No, you're right, hen, it's a doughnut."

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Bing sings - Walt disnae.

A woman goes to the dentist and settles down into the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist. "Govan" She replies.

A man walks into an antiques shop and asks "How much for the set of antlers?" "Two hundred quid" says the man behind the counter. "That's affa deer," says the man.

What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu.

Question. There are 50 cows in a field. Which one is going on holiday? Answer. The one with the wee calf.

Ten cows in a field – which one is the one with all the oil? Coo eight.
A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing. "No," argues the assistant, "look at the label – it says Taiwan."


A woman walks into a butchers shop to see the butcher standing in front of the fire. “Is that Ayrshire bacon” she asks, “Naw” he replies, “ Ah’m jist warmin ma hauns”
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[bigbadmarty]

they got better as you read down - is it sw scotland ?

[trt]

Scots funnies have always been unfunny, not one of them even put a smile on my face!

Leave the jokes to the Brits Slapshot!

[Slapshot]

Brits....hmm, Well trt if you don't like them don't read them.

big badmarty - i did grow up there...but have moved around quite a lot, now in the north east of Scotland

[MarkRae]

Cnog! Cnog!
Co a th'ann?
Hammy?
Co Hammy?
Tha mi sgith...

[tinkerbell23]

I liked it xx

[Slapshot]

abhachdach

[Slapshot]

it's been a while since I even tried to read or speak the gaelic, my Grannie's been dead nearly 20 years and she was the only one left!!

So I suspect that probably wrong

[MarkRae]

Bha gu dearbh! Tapadh leat, a charaid...

[MarkRae]

No, I understood perfectly what you said, hence my reply :-)

[Slapshot]

If i wasn't working I'd chasing my dictionary!!

[marval]

Good ones