12 year old on a train

[Angel41]

My ex has recently moved about 100 miles away. We have a 12 year old son and he thinks that he should travel up on the train to see him. He says that to come and collect him in the car (every other weekend)would involve a 4 hour round journey if there was no hold ups and that this would be impossible for him to do as his job involves quite alot of driving. The train journey would require my son to change trains at one station. I think this is very unreasonable to expect him to do this especially at his age but my ex cant see the problem. Im just wondering what other people think about this.

[spudqueen]

I have a 13 year old son and I would be very unhappy about him doing that kind of journey on his own. Blimey, he's never even been to town on the bus on his own!

[kaktus]

Well, I don't know your son, but I would think that a 12 year old could handle it, what does your son say himself? Maybe the train personel could keep a eye on him? I know they're happy to do that in Denmark, they make sure the kids get on the right train and such.

Hope you find a solution you all can live with.

[Otrere]

I wouldn't be very happy about my 12-year old (if I had one - my daughter is a bit younger than that!!) travelling all that way on his/her own.

[kaktus]

You should know that I have no children, so if you think my answer is stupid, it probably is! In that case please  just ignore it!

[tetherend]

I agree with you Angel41, I too think this is unreasonable and would not allow a 12 year old to do that journey on his or her own.

[Lindy Loo]

Angel I can certainly understand your concerns about your 12 year old son travelling 100 miles on his own especially as it involves a change of train. I totally agree with the other answers in saying that it is not a good idea.

Kaktus Unfortunately here in the UK there aren't the staff available to supervise children that are travelling alone. We're lucky that in many cases that we have trains running at all, but that is another story!!

[Daisy13]

Angel, uno circumstances would I allow a child of mine to travel that far at that age. What if there was a problem, he missed his connecting train, that train was cancelled etc? Your child potentially could be stranded far from home. Coupled with the fact that you don't know who will be travelling on the train and it's not really viable to ask staff to keep an eye or your child - I would imagine they would refuse for insurance purposes, plus he would have to change trains and it would be different staff on the connecting train. I would go with your instincts on this one and say no. Maybe you and your ex could come to some sort of arrangement ie meeting halfway? Or else your ex will have to face the fact that it was his decision to move away from his son so he needs to deal with the extra work involved. These are strange times we live in and our children are far too precious to expose them to any more risks than are absolutley neccessary. Maybe about 15 would be OK, but I personally certainly wouldn't agree to any younger. Go with your instincts Angel, only you know your son and how he would be able to deal with the situation.

[woofgang]

I don't know either of you, but I am a bit concerned that your ex seems not to care about his son's safety, more about his own convenience. Its not as though its a 10 minute one stop ride.....actually how long is the journey?

What does your son think about this? I could see how it might be difficult to discuss with him.

[smudge]

If we had a 12 year old son, there is no way we would allow him to travel even 5 miles on a train alone.

(We have two grown up daughters, but would have felt exactly the same about them too).

[maxd]

I agree with Daisy & Woofgang.  Your ex needs to take some responsibility for your son's transport, and for his safety on these trips.   If his job involves a lot of driving surely a 4-hour journey would be a piece of cake?  

[Miss Zippy]

I also agree that 12 is too young to be travelling alone and it is unreasonable for your ex to expect your son to do all the travelling at his age. He's still a child. A four hour round trip every fortnight should be no great hardship for a parent. Your ex will only need to do this for the next couple of years or so anyway until your son is 14 or 15 say, when you might feel more comfortable about him travelling all that way alone.

[Jules001]

No sorry I wouldn't let a 12 year old do that journey on their own. He is too young, the distance is too great and the track (sorry for the pun) record of our railway system leaves too much to chance. Stand your ground and either insist he collects your son or stays in your area somewhere to minimise the travelling.

[lizzierose]

this may be a bit different but when my cousins started secondary school i.e. age 11 they went to the grammar school which was nearly an hour and a half away via two buses every day with very few people from their area and therefore on their own. There was never any problem (or thought to whether it was apprpriate or not) are buses safer than trains? Which station is it. if its fairly small and quiet it would probably be okay but kings cross would be a bit much. am pretty sure i did  a similar trip leeds to swansea changing in, i can't remember where, at 13. no trouble. don't know how much things may've changed in the last 8 years. but if any parties aren't happy with it its perfectly understandable. not trying to undermine anyones opinions and feelings. if he doesn't want to he shouldn't have to

[FP]

I travelled by train on my own through London back in the fifties from the age of 10 frequently to visit my grandparents.  This included travelling on the District Line and on the main lines as well.    In those days there was a ladies only carriage that children could travel in as well and there were guards on duty and plenty of help available.  Sad that times have changed.

[netibiza]

Gosh no way - but then I'm a bit too protective.  Awful things have happened to people on trains - I'm even a bit wary and I'm a grown up.

[calleach]

Generally I think an average 12 year old should be able to travel unaccompanied.perhaps a mobile phone would provide the needed back up. You undoubtedly know your kid best .What does your kid want to do

[calleach]

make a couple of runs on the train with the kid . perhaps you could take him to the change of train and your ex take over there.when everybody is comfortable drop ypoour trip with him to the change and later your ex can drop his trip to the change as well again when everyone is happy.

[FP]

It would depend on the 12 year old, but on considering this carefully, I don't necessarily  think it is too young and tend to agree with Calleach.  When my son was 12 he travelled quite regularly on quite long distances and was very mature.   Distance shouldn't make a difference.  Bad things can happen on short journeys just as easily.  Calleaches suggestions regarding getting him used to the journey seem very sensible.

I was (still am) a very caring and responsible parent!