You've inspired me marval

Duncer | 20:39 Thu 28th Jun 2012 | Jokes

10 Answers

Once upon a time, long, long ago, Jacques Cousteau set of on the Calypso on one of his wonderful marine explorations in search of the lime green hairy-lipped squid. This bizarre creature hadn't been seen for years, but there had been reported sightings off it, just off the coast of Tonga.

When they got to Tonga they were all weary after an exceptionally long 32 hour journey, so Cousteau told the crew to lower some nets in the hope of catching a lime green hairy-lipped squid and then retire to bed, as long as few maintained a watch in case the nets caught something.

Next morning the nets were hauled in and they were absolutely teeming with lime green hairy-lipped squid, thouasnds of them in fact.

"Drop the nets again" ordered Cousteau and, withing half an hour, they came back up full again. This happened time after time and Jacques got to wondering what would taste like.

"Send this down to Jervais and tell him I want it for dinner" ordered Cousteau.

Several lime green hairy-lipped squid were taken down to the hairy-arsed cook, Jervais, an ex-French Foreign Legionairre and as rough as they come. Jervais lifted his cleaver to prepare the lime green hairy-lipped squid for cooking and, as he did so, a big old tear appeared in the lime green hairy-lipped squid's eye, almost as if it knew the fate that was about to befall it. Jervais paused and lifted his cleaver again, only for the lime green hairy-lipped squid to cry again. Jervais was rattled by this so he set his cleaver down, wiped his brow and then picked it up again to carry out the job he was paid to do. A third time the lime green hairy-lipped squid had a great big old tear in its' eye so Jervais said "That's it, get Hans the dish washer in here.

Hans was an alcoholic drug addict who had never given a flying f*&£ about anyone and soon shuffled into the galley to see what Jervais wanted.

"Can you kill this for me?" said Jervais, pointing to the lime green hairy-lipped squid.

"No problem" said Hans, lifting the cleaver. Another tear dropped from the lime green hairy-lipped squid's eye and Hans stodd back in amazement. Shaking himself, Hans stepped forward again only for the lime green hairy-lipped squid to shed another tear. He immediately dropped the cleaver and left the galley area.

WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THIS STORY?

All together now, "Hans that does dishes can be soft as Jervais, with lime green hairy-lipped squid".

I'll get my coat........