News5 mins ago
To laugh or not to laugh
There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass - not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it.
One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found. As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning.
When he awoke, he went outside, and saw that his dog had eaten the grass all in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun.
Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said.
"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."
An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a block of flats, broke her leg.
As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs.
Several weeks later, the doctor took off the cast. “Can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady. “Yes,” he replied.
“Thank goodness!” she said. “I’m sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!”
Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?
It rips off your arm, and then runs for help.
What do you call a Pakistani translation of Shakespeare?
Much Urdu about nothing.
Real woman to husband: "You don't like your food burned, and you don't like it undercooked. There's just no pleasing you!"
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
Did you know that Infants don't have half as much fun in infancy as adults have in adultery?
One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found. As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning.
When he awoke, he went outside, and saw that his dog had eaten the grass all in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun.
Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said.
"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."
An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a block of flats, broke her leg.
As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs.
Several weeks later, the doctor took off the cast. “Can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady. “Yes,” he replied.
“Thank goodness!” she said. “I’m sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!”
Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?
It rips off your arm, and then runs for help.
What do you call a Pakistani translation of Shakespeare?
Much Urdu about nothing.
Real woman to husband: "You don't like your food burned, and you don't like it undercooked. There's just no pleasing you!"
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
Did you know that Infants don't have half as much fun in infancy as adults have in adultery?
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