Home & Garden4 mins ago
Lent him my suit
A man of legendary "thirsty" habits is on his very last warning from his wife as she has informed him that if he gets drunk again he will be out and their marriage will be over, mainly as she is sick, sore and tired cleaning up after him following one of his fabled benders.
He comes home from his gentlemans club very late one night, much the worse for wear, and vomits down the front of his otherwise immaculate suit. He sticks what he thinks is £20 in the pocket and disrobes, before going casually to bed to sleep off the day's excesses.
Next morning his wife is just about to start ranting and raving as she goes through his suit when he interrupts and says "One moment my dear, I lent the suit to Wilson for a function and it was he who who vomited down the front of it. He left me £20 in the front pocket to cover the expenses of dry cleaning. I was perfectly sober".
Chastened, she checks the pockets and, sure enough, there is a £20 note. A minute later his wife says, "Hold on, there are two £20 notes here. What is the other one for"?
"The other one", he replies, cool as a cucumber, "is from the man who shat in my trousers".
He comes home from his gentlemans club very late one night, much the worse for wear, and vomits down the front of his otherwise immaculate suit. He sticks what he thinks is £20 in the pocket and disrobes, before going casually to bed to sleep off the day's excesses.
Next morning his wife is just about to start ranting and raving as she goes through his suit when he interrupts and says "One moment my dear, I lent the suit to Wilson for a function and it was he who who vomited down the front of it. He left me £20 in the front pocket to cover the expenses of dry cleaning. I was perfectly sober".
Chastened, she checks the pockets and, sure enough, there is a £20 note. A minute later his wife says, "Hold on, there are two £20 notes here. What is the other one for"?
"The other one", he replies, cool as a cucumber, "is from the man who shat in my trousers".
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