Scary Things Your Family Said/ Did when you were little

[natalie_1982]

I distinctly remember my nan singing a song about my grandad which went something like this:

Grandad (name) aint no good

Chop him up for fire wood

When he's dead we'll boil his head

And turn him into Lava Bread.

She's from Swansea, does anyone else know this song or have I got the words wrong?  I'm sure I wouldn't make this up, and I was 7 when Grandad died so would have been pretty young.  Oh, and she was joking, she didn't kill him.

[netibiza]

Alas alas, poor willy fell into the fire

and was burned to ash

and as the room grew dark and chilly

no one cared to poke poor willy

[natalie_1982]

Jesus, poking willies?

It's no wonder people grow up with warped senses is it?

[natalie_1982]

Not Jesus poking willies by the way.

[SASHAGREEN]

my mom sings

( your name) is a nut, she has a rubber butt. every time you turn around you go putt putt!

[natalie_1982]

Also my mum and dad would sing, whilst passing me between them

"I don't want her, you can have she's too fat for me, she's too fat with a belly like that, she's too fat for me!".

Charmed.

[Clanad]

Here are all the lyrics to "The Too Fat Polka"... originally recorded by Arthur Godfrey in about 1947... this is probably where your Mother and Dad got the ditty...

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/dimtext/kjn/lyrics/polka.htm

[auldyin]

My Grampa taught me the alphabet thus-

AB - adam brown

cd - cut him down

ef - eat his flesh

gh - get his hat

ij - in comes Jinkum

kl - kill him living

mn - mince his nose

op - open his puddin's

qr - quarter his ribs

st - stew his tongue

uvwxyz - shove him in below the bed

[Artful]

If watching a creepy film or horrid murder like Psycho or something like, me Dad would creep up behind me and suddenly grab me.  Bl00dy hell, I'd scream and scream waking up little brother & sister whilst my father stood there splitting his sides in laughter and me Mam would be yelling at him that now they'd never get to bed as I had to be calmed down. Bedlam was let loose!

[rachaelersk]

we used to say (name) is no good

chop him up for fire wood

if he is no good for that

give him to the pussy-cat!

Dont know where all that came from, but i still say it to my kids now!

[Dark Angel]

Lizzie Borden took an ax

and gave her mother forty wacks

when she saw what she had done,

she gave her father forty one!

My dad was reminded of  this  poem when we were watching a tv film based on the true story of Lizzie Borden, in the 19th century in America.

[brachiopod]

I've heard your rhyme too, nats. It's more or less how I remember it.

Incidentally, I had laver bread with my fry-up this morning after watching the Lions lose to the All Blacks. Washed down with plenty of cider.

Oh, I'm originally from Swansea too.

[gingerflaps]

yes my grandad used to sing something like that to me, he was from lancs but he died when i was 2, so my mum carried on singing it to me. it went...

katie emma hudson is no good, chop her up for fire wood, when she's done, boil her bum, grind her into bubblygum.          

there was another that my mum used to sing that made me cry it went....

on top of old smokey...all covered in cheese...i lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed...it rolled off the table, and onto the floor.... and then my poor meatball, rolled out the door. (there was more but i cant remember the rest)

[brachiopod]

...It rolled into the garden,
And under a bush.
And then my poor meatball,
It just turned to mush.

Mush MUSH !!

[gingerflaps]

ahhh thankyou brachiopod i've been trying to think of the ending. i used to cry my heart out at that song ohh the poor meatball...sob sob..here i go again...*sniff*

[gen2]

There is more to the meatball rhyme . . .

But the mush it was tasty,
as tasty can be 
And early next summer,
it grew to a tree.

The tree it was covered
with beautiful moss
It grew great big meatballs,
and spaghetti sauce.

So if you have spaghetti,
all covered with cheese 
Hang onto your meatball,
and don't ever sneeze!

[jeepster]

Oh (your name) is a funny un ,got a face like a pickled onion,got a nose like a squashed tomato and legs like matchsticks.

My dad used to sing that to me.

[dinga]

My Nan passed this one on to me, and it made me cry!

Nanny Panny is no good

Chop her up for fire wood

when she's dead, jump on her head

and make her into current bread!

She is from St Helens.....weird.

[natalie_1982]

What is it with our nan's insisting on mashing someone's head and turning it into bread?

[Trillipse]

Children you are very little

and your bones are very brittle.

If you don't get off to school

i will smash your pretty skull.

Do the duties that you must

or your frail life will soon be dust.

Sit silently at every meal

or flesh from your young bones i'll peel.

If you don't say your prayers to God

I'll pop your eyes with iron rod.

If you dare to question me

i'll pour the kettle on your knee.

If you don't get off to sleep

your flesh i'll tear and you shall weep

Lie like corpses in your bed

OR YOU WILL WISH THAT YOU WERE DEAD.

 

...was one of my favourite lullabies...

[kazzee69]

I have heard of that somewhere? I thought these all sounded harmless fun until I read Trillipse's... bloody hell! I used to say (and still do) to my sister Laura 'My sister Laura's bigger than me, she lifts me up quite easily, I can't lift her I've tried and tried, she must have something heavy inside' This is by Spike Milligan.

My mum used to hold us in her arms and sing 'Go to sleep my (this bit was whispered) BABY (this bit was shouted) pretty little BABY'