So...laugh Or Cry?

[gness]

Went to see Ma in Care today. She's out of bed and in a chair...the problems of the past few weeks now being put down to the GP stopping her calming pills by mistake....Hmmm.
My arrival confused her and she thought I was a fairy....must be the way I walk.
I have a swelling above my lip from botched surgery..she noticed it..pointed and asked if it was going to go away. When I said no...she said...This might help...and punched me in the mouth. They lady next to her told her to behave....and punched mother...who punched her back.
I left them to it and went to check her room. When I returned ma looked at me...asked who I was and told me...You're a very big woman...whoever you are.
So this big fairy is going to sit in the rare sun with a coffee and ......laugh..
or cry....can't make up my mind...:-) x

[sunny-dave]

I'd settle for a glass of wine and some therapeutic swearing ...

[RATTER15]

I would do a bit of both and get it over with, then you can contemplate a visit to us in Wales for a bit of animal hugging therapy. :-)) xxx

[tamborine]

takes a bigger mum to carry you......

[gness]

Even the flipping sun went in...thanks both. Coffee was nice...ecig good... swore and surprised Mr Nextdoor.....wine is open and a trip to Wales would be bliss!!!! xx

[Psybbo]

You have to laugh Gness, otherwise....... Don't let it get to you, they were probably enjoying themselves xxxx

[EcclesCake]

I once had a care meeting with my father and all his health care practitioners.

He didn't know me from Adam but, thankfully, declared what a great daughter he had and what a great cook she was. He was oblivious to my presence and waxed lyrical about all sorts of nonsense. It is heart breaking but a glass of wine in a sunny garden of an evening helps. x

[petal54]

been there,done that.a new day tomorrow

[daffy654]

It must be awful to see a much loved parent suffering from dementia. I can't really imagine what you are going through but you have my admiration for coping with it all.

[pixie373]

Oh, bless you, gness. Not easy at all. I think you've definitely earned a big glass of wine xx

[Baldric]

Laugh, it's supposed to be good for you I hear!

[petal54]

had this ,slightly,with now departed dad,mum at own home with supervision mainly from my saintly son,but she gets v confused

[pixie373]

The most important thing is to never take anything personally. However, I'm speaking as a carer and might easily feel differently if my own mum was involved.

[Tis-I-Podstick]

You will do both over time, a sense of humour is essential, my dad used to call me Linda, no idea who she is as there is no Linda in our family as far as I know but there you go. It upset me first time it happened but like you, coffee helps. At least your mum sounds like she isn't just vegetating, she is having a lively time, as long as she is having a quality of life thats the best you can hope for. Best wishes to you both

[gness]

You are a lovely bunch. Thank you for your kind words.
If I am horribly honest any tears I may shed are not for a mother. I never really had one of those. She never wanted or liked me and got rid of me as soon as she could. I do my share of the caring not out of love but not with any bitterness either....well the odd mutter under the breath.
The tears would be for the woman..not mother..she was and not always nice but she was strong...hard working and a pillar of the Catholic Church which has now abandoned her. The forty year old woman she was would be devastated to see the ninety year old woman she has become.
She has no quality of life....hoisted in and out of bed to sit nodding and drooling in a chair. Unable to take care of her personal needs...like the other women who sit in the room all day doing nothing...unless they get too close to my mother!
My sadness today was for the way we care for our elderly people..especially those with dementia...but I don't know how to make it better.
And perhaps I was a little scared for my own future if I am honest.
Right...cheer up wine time I think....and thanks.

Gx

[RATTER15]

Gness, I know exactly where you are coming from, I have spent the last 7 years fighting management and staff and taking on CQC for the rights of the Dementia sufferers I cared for, I put my own job on the line so many times. I made very different to the way they were treated in general, but on the unit I was running the had to do it my way. In my new role in Wales we will be doing things our way, this is why we will not affiliated to any organisation. It is so difficult to change the way these homes are run, it is usually down to ignorance and limited finances due to greed!

[RATTER15]

Sorry that should read:

//I made very little difference to the way they were treated in general.//

[gness]

Ratter...I have gleaned from your posts your feelings and how you care.
We kept ma at home til it became unbearable and were lucky that a place became available at the best home we could find at the right time.
It is as good as we can hope for under the circumstances.....long staying and stable staff and interesting surroundings. But they have to abide by rules and finances...or at least how funding is used.
I can see in my mind how so much could be improved but we have to put in place both the funding and committed staff....and we just don't seem to do that.
If these final years could be the very best we could make them how much better would it be.....we just seem to accept existence over quality until the end. x

[ChillDoubt]

Do both gness, just remember the laughter after matters have taken their natural course x.

[Spoonboy]

One could always crying for laughing so much! It might help.

[RATTER15]

Gness We still Have Carakeel's Mum living with us, she is bed bound with dementia and has to be hoisted as well, it can be so hard, especially for Carakeel who is not in great health herself when I am not around, thankfully we have carers come in four times a day which is a great help but we are committed to keeping her with us until the end, which I don't think is so far away. We are fortunate to be able to keep her at home with us, very few people are able to and I cant imagine how difficult it must be to see your own Mum go into care. xxx