A Bloke Who Quantifies And Analyses Farts

[ukanonymous]

I was on a date last night with a bloke who told me lots about farts. At first it was funny.
He quantifies farts by 1. Odour 2. Density and 3. Toxicity.
The odour aspect is how much the fart cloud resembles pooh. The density is the impact of the fart cloud on the Nazal passage when inhaled through the nostrils.the toxicity is the undefined odour that doesn't resemble the pooh smell.

He Said that he has friends where he conducts experiments with and in an enclosed room he got the maximum distance a fart cloud can travel while still detectable was 11.4m. He then said he would love for me to get involved with this.

He had a good job in a bank but can't really take him seriously. What do you think?

[Baldric]

Blow him out dear!

[jim360]

Sounds like a lot of hot air.

[Barmaid]

I think children of such a tender age should not be allowed out so late without their Mummy.

[Graham-W]

He should get on OK with that female javelin thrower.
Fart-in-ma Whitbread.

[Cloverjo]

Ooh yuck. I would have made my excuses and left. What a thing to talk about on a date. I guess he thought it was somehow endearingly cheeky and boyish. It's ok to have a laugh with his mates about that, but not likely to impress many women, I would think.

[LazyGun]

What cloverjo said.

I often attempt to be endearingly cheeky, but talking endlessly about an obsessive and infantile preoccupation with farts would not be one of the first topics that I would wish to discuss with a woman I was hoping to impress...

[ukanonymous]

He is 45 I'm only 25 so maybe that's why he talked about it. I might see him again though.

[Octavius]

You should have cut the cheese, stood up and walked out whilst saying 'analyse that yer weirdo'.

[andy-hughes]

Either you are winding us up - in which case, well done for a witty and amusing post.

Or, you have a similarly single-figure IQ to your date, and you should stay together to avoid spoiling another couple!

[jim360]

Relevant:

http://imgur.com/gallery/yOktP

[ukanonymous]

Hi Andy I am not winding you up I thought I would share this funny experience. My last few ex's were nasty Finance Specialists so this is pretty harmless

[jackthehat]

You can look forwards, on future dates, to being taken to places where Baked Beans and Sprouts feature highly on the menu.......

[andy-hughes]

Fair enough uk - what ever floats your boat ...

One person's humour is another person's rank stupidity, but hey, enjoy your next date, and keep us posted.

[aelmpvw]

and they say romance is dead

[LazyGun]

LoL @ JtH :)

[Octavius]

Maybe next time you could cook something together in your Dutch oven.

[ukanonymous]

Strangely enough though he only conducts experiments with women. What he said he wanted to do to get me involved was initially find the average rate or propogation of o0ne of my fart clouds. Do you think he was the one winding me up? The more I think about it

[andy-hughes]

The fact that your giving a nano-second of attention to this concept shows that you are admireably suited - I should set a date and start looking at curtain samples this weekend!

[Alston]

uka.....Is this chap you have met a qualified Fartologist.?

My own opinion is that he could be spouting a lot of hot air with the hope of you possibly showing him your arse. My advice is to keep well up wind of the guy; because things are beginning to smell a bit.

Al.