Crosswords4 mins ago
The Month After Christmas
Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled,
the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls,
the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said,
"No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or cornbread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
and all through the house
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled,
the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls,
the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said,
"No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or cornbread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
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Why is this in JOKES? I'm much heavier than I was before Christmas, I was blaming the scales, now you've taken that possibility away by telling me where I went wrong(apart from the scales bit). It seems you had the same diet as me and it didn't work for you either. Not keen on celery myself, are you sure it's the answer?
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