The Kitchen Terrorist

[DTCwordfan]

After several incidents of raw food being served, esp chicken, cat food served as paté, weird salads and all the rest, I have completely taken over the cooking from the mater.

However, I now have a new chapter for my book, the chapter titled ‘The Kitchen Terrorist’

Activities to expand on include:

• Removing dishes from the Aga after I have put them in to cook
• Switching the cooking dishes and the plates (in the bottom to warm up around)
• Concealment of dishes and ingredients in bizarre locations
• Leftovers not properly stored or misplaced
• Hiding of utensils and knives
• Cursory wiping with a filthy rag for so-called washing up
• No washing up liquid used
• Using human plates to feed the animals
• Opening can after can – esp animal food, then hiding it
• I say “I am cooking dinner” and then she goes and starts/opens something else targeted for another meal
• A complete lack of fridge management
• Ditto the recycling to the point that one thinks its deliberately mucked up

I haven't included how we had 36 boxes of cereal at one time, never mind twenty five tommie ks, and enough nutrella and mayo to keep a camp going. Then there was the cheap wine.

And tonight, turning down the aga so low that there’s little heat in there or the water. And after I had made my new creation Ukraine Kievs, Chicken stuffed with butter and Russian-bits spices/herbs.

Do you have, or had, a kitchen terrorist?– who, why and stories please.

[RandyMarsh]

the cat, he likes to lick things that are not covered but i love him so i shrug it off and bin what he has licked.

[DTCwordfan]

Yes, one here too - but not as bad as the mother!

[RandyMarsh]

wager mother is not as furry either?

[berniecuddles]

nothing wrong with some pussy on the kitchen table DTC!

[Psybbo]

DTC, hugs but no help xx

[B00]

Mr Cuddles!!!!

[berniecuddles]

don't know what you mean boo! ours always used to sit there!

[Peaspeculiars]

My kitchen terrorist likes to leave a trail of destruction across the kitchen as he whirlwinds through it to make a sandwich or pasta. The prominent evidence of his efforts are:
Cheese crumbs all over the surfaces, on floor and in dog.
Branston pickle knife balanced precariously next to a cat with a magnetic collar.
Garlic bread baked with the plastic wrapper still on.
Pans with no non-stick after metal spoon action.

Apart from that, all good. He can make a mean cheese and bean toastie

[DTCwordfan]

where's minty to get you on the step, bernie?!

Psybbs, just patience needed - and see the funny side. I've just discovered the runner beans and peas put in the oven....say no more, the one thing being that the Aga is that tepid.....a dish that I should have roasted off in 20 mins will need an hour. The boost on the hot-water tank is on as to the wet stuff as I want a shower later.

[berniecuddles]

minty's always trying to get me on the step lol

[nungate]

My mum had taken to hiding her dinner plates. Brother could not find them and was fast running out of clean plates etc., I had to go out and buy him some more bowls and plates - then the originals turned up weeks later in a kitchen drawer (despite him having already searched through them) The other thing is she used to keep hiding the back door key, brother had to use the front door and go through the garden in order to get to the back of the house, the key finally turned up in the pocket of a jacket hanging by the front door - I've now had copies made of all house keys.

[Baldric]

Always tell my OH she uses the smoke alarm as a timer!

[sherrardk]

Two scavenging five year olds - 'can I have a bit of that, can I taste that, I'm starving, how long till tea, etc, etc'.

[DTCwordfan]

keep them coming, great!

[zebo]

My late MIL was staying over Christmas, when I got up on 25th for the Annual Turkey Wrestling contest, the fridge light was off, Oh the bulb's gone, I naively thought. Then realised it wasn't at all cold and noticed that the power was off. MIL's reasoning, she didn't like to leave things switched on overnight, she would never have a fridge herself. Luckily it was just a fridge with a freezer compartment, chocolate ice-cream for breakfast was a special treat.
This was the same MIL who stayed with us for a few months during which OH lost a set of keys from work, for which he would have to pay £500 if not found. When she had packed to go home, we were checking round her room and for some reason I pulled a chest of drawers out, and there were the keys, on the floor. Oh I brought them upstairs for safe keeping!

[boxtops]

I had a cat many years ago that used to nick food from under the grill when it was on (it was a high-level grill). He came into the living room one day dragging a half-cooked lamb chop....

We were hard up those days, so I just cut the teeth marks off, gave it a wash, and OH ate it :-)

[DTCwordfan]

Aren't Millies (M-in-Laws) wonderful......

[DaisyNonna]

Asked father if he enjoyed the soup I had left him in a vacuum flask. He replied that he hadn't tried it.
No wonder, it was all over the kitchen floor with the flask neatly on the work surface.
Never realised tomato soup could spread so far, or that it stained so badly.

[DTCwordfan]

Nungate - copies of keys made here too, I keep a set in the 'secret' drawer that an Audi has, one set on my car keys and three sets of back ups with family and friends.

[humbersloop]

//A complete lack of fridge management//

look, it all starts with good intentions on a Sunday afternoon..

..wobbly sniffs