One Friend

[jennyjoan]

this may be long but I hope it is short. I have one above friend who has truly lost every friend, acquaintances, the lot except me and right now I haven't been a good friend.

I can no longer tolerate the repetitiveness of her conversation - she deffo has not dementia - she has been like this for years but for the last 30 years I must have been able to cope - 30 years on I can't. She goes over to the very time she was 10 years and tried to pull a teeth out on a string. Over to her ex husband all the things he did - I mean over and over and over and over. I tried to tell her oh you told me that - you told me that - but like that won't take the hint.

My main problem is that I am lucking out on my bit of social life as my other friend won't tolerate it any more and she is getting out and about here and there - some of yous could say - well go you on and go out - the problem is that the people that run these wee clubs and dos know this friend and I know they would bump into her and ask why she doesn't go to these clubs as I am there. I went to one wee do and the guilt in me was not ordinary - I know she would be very hurt if she heard all about this - but you know I entertained her in my home maybe from Friday to Monday - now I can't truly stand an hour - am I going to be stuck at home from now on or what can I do. Hope this worded out okay.

[Mamyalynne]

Poor lady does sound lonely but I can see your problem.

Try to do both , go off now and then to these clubs and see this chatty friend on occasions too.

[jennyjoan]

mamy this friend can no long drink and i mean that - but when we go out drinks are on the menu - she has epilepsy and on that medication so she goes down and down and down and mean on the ground - I am not fit for that as I can hardly look after myself. I know she is lonely - you know she has 2 sisters and various neices and nephews - they see her at Xmas and at Easter in HER house. She has never been to their houses at all. by the way she lives with a son who I think is tortured with her - god I don't know what more to say. My sister and this friend have frightened me in saying she is ever falls drunk and hurts herself it would be my fault. She has had numerous falls here in my home but she still won't learn she is 72 years old.

[jennyjoan]

mamy it would work - I know she would see all these other people ie hairdressers - on the road, she is one hell of a lonely person but she has brought it on herself. Why do I feel so guilty.

[jennyjoan]

the chatty belongs to the clubs and has told me if I ever bring her - she would walk out.

[ummmm]

Is there anything positive?

[ummmm]

Well go with your other friends and quote that back to her!

[jennyjoan]

I can't see any positivity - if I was to tell the lonely friend of course she would say I love to come - funk what position to be in.

[ummmm]

You're doing it to yourself.

[jennyjoan]

may be I am Ummmm - but I truly couldn't hurt this person because through it all - a very kind and generous person.


Very good to chatty person over the years when chatty person was poor - bought her fags, money, drink the lot for 10 years - chatty person seems to forget this.

[jennyjoan]

as you know sister comes on Sunday - last time lonely friend was up 21 December - sister and I couldn't get one word in for 6 hours and even up to that time didn't want to go home - sister ( know I have ripped the *** out of her) but she has had time for her - even now sister can't cope either.


Lonely friend went out with hairdressers on Mother's day - (she buys around a little) but fell that day and was brought home by hairdresser. That's the situation.

[Mamyalynne]

Well, this seems to be a brick wall with no getting over - sorry.

[jennyjoan]

I suspected that would be the answer but was curious to get opinions.

[Tilly2]

I am lost, jennyjoan. What are you trying to say? You have a lonely friend and you are fed up with her? If you are a friend, you will try to help her. One hour out of your day is not too hard to bear, is it?

[Mamyalynne]

If you do go out and she is there, on no account purchase acohol for her.

[ummmm]

Jenny...you don't give and then expect someone to change their personality years later because you're fed up of them.

If she bothers you...walk away or learn to live with the guilt.

[Mamyalynne]

Alcohol

[jennyjoan]

can't cope with the repetition of conversation that goes back 50 years or more -

[Tilly2]

It's worse when it's your Dad telling you the same things over and over again!

[ummmm]

Then change the subject.

[jennyjoan]

well the guilt comes from if anything happens to her it will be my fault. that's it in a nutshell - I will make an effort - I can't make lunch with her for coffee as she doesn't arise until 2.30 pm