"His wife, who the amateur football player had met at church last year, played down the violence, saying: 'He has a big penis – long like a cucumber and hairy and scary like a bush"
Like a bush ?
Personally, I think this poor woman needs to get out more !
Can't see why the Mail posted a photo of a cucumber surely everyone knows what they look like, then perhaps they should have also posted a photo of an anaconda?