The British Empire.........

[Shaglene]

In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent
to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and
tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel
said,

"You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Skinner, he's my right-hand man, he's
really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."

Skinners was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to
meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked
specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet
tall.

"Skinners, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."

"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and
won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.

I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal
in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history
of....."

The colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Skinners, he can find
all that in your file, just tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to kcuf off"

[AZardoz]

Bravo! I love British humour. Almost fell off my chair.